My husband has cancer

mercedes_123December 4, 2005

My husband was diagnosed a few years ago with cancer. He is undergoing chemotherapy now. He is only 49 years old. He may have only 2-5 yrs to live. I don't know how I can go on without him. ! I am 49 yrs old too. We have two grown kids who are juniors in college. I know I have to be strong for them also, but it is so hard!

Has anyone gone through this? Where do you get the strength to cope?

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I'm so sorry! I can't say that I have experienced this in my life, yet. I do know though, that the thought of losing my husband through death scares the heck out of me. He is my rock and has been for many years. I just can't imagine us not being together in this life.
I wish so much that I could help you. The only advice I can think to give you is to pull your strength from Christian faith if you are indeed a Christian. Eventually, we will all be together again and things of this life will not matter.
Bless you and your family.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2005 at 9:45AM
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sorry you and DH are going through this...I know my (our) strength comes from the Lord, He is the only one who can see ya through this, speaking from experience here!!! My DH has cancer also, he was diagonosed in Nov 2001, he has Multiple Mylemona, may i ask what kind of cancer your DH has?? we thought we were losing DH in 2002 around Eastertime, but God touched him, that is the only reason he is still with us. He has been doing pretty good , considering what he has, but lately his lower back and his shoulder (he thinks he might have a pinched nerve there) has been hurting a lot. He goes to the cancer dr tomorrow, so he'll have to tell the dr, she'll probably want to have x-rays done, etc.
I had breast cancer in 2002 also, so really a hard time for us, with both of having cancer, but God has seen us through it, and hoping that DH's cancer isn't rearing its ugly head, he's been doing pretty good and not on any cancer meds for quite awhile, he does get his Aredia IV once a month and sometimes a shot to boost his red cells. i know its not easy, but I know I sure don't knwo what I would do if God wasn't beside us all the way!!! Good luck to you and your DH!!! sending up a prayer for you both!!! DianePA

    Bookmark   December 4, 2005 at 3:41PM
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I am so sorry to hear about your husband's cancer. I can relate to what you are going through, because my husband had a lengthy illness (not cancer) for 5 years, and he went to be with the Lord last May. We tried to stay positive throughout, always hoping for a cure or a respite, but it was not to be. It helps to take it a day at a time, being thankful for the additional day you have together, and sharing as much joy and happiness as you can. Try not think too much about the future and "what ifs", but just stay close to each other and share your deepest love. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2005 at 4:59PM
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Thank you all for your support!

My husband has a neuroendocrine tumor that is in his pancreas.(he doesn't have pancreatic cancer). It has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. The chemo seems to have halted the growth of the main tumor and has stopped any new growths elsewhere. This is only buying him time. The cancer will never go away. He'll take whatever time he can get!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2005 at 8:42PM
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I am so very sorry about your husband, Mercedes, and I know you are cherishing every day with him. Poor guy, all that medical stuff is just miserable, and he's so young too! Do you feel like you are grieving already? I had that experience when my mother was ill, grieving in advance. There must be some name for it, "pre-grieving" or something. I know you are doing your best to help him. Laugh and love, it's so important.

Best wishes, and stay in touch with us here.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2005 at 8:54PM
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Nell Jean

Inquire about for a cancer support group in your community. Good places to ask are the local Hospice or American Cancer Society Chapter. If you call the hospital and ask for a social worker, her or she may be able to help find a group. The clinic or hospital where he received chemotherapy should have references as well.

If there isn't a support group available, call the nearest Home Health Agency, speak with a social worker or the director and ask if there's any interest in starting one.

Usually at this time of year, Hospice groups are having seminars on coping with the Holidays. They usually welcome anyone who is interested, not just clients with whom they've worked.

I hope that you and he can talk openly and discuss your concerns. I pray for peace of mind for both of you.


    Bookmark   December 5, 2005 at 10:16PM
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they don't call it remission for my DH's MM they just try to keep it under control. he was to the cancer dr today, he has to go the 14th for another skeletal survey, mri on his neck and spine and lower back, 24 hour urine test, plus more blood work! he's not looking ofrward to it. his counts keep going up a little each month, so want to see whats going on!! we just take it one day at a time and thank God for the time He's gives us together!! good luck to your DH!!

    Bookmark   December 5, 2005 at 11:02PM
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I am sorry for you and for your husband. We just went through this, this past year. The strenght to cope? I do not know where it comes from, but it somehow appears. You don't even know it at the time. You just do what you have to do. I am very thankful for my family and good neighbors. The neighbors mowed and my family helped allow me to stay full time with my husband through it all. Enjoy all the moments you can and don't be afraid to ask for help.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2005 at 10:20AM
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Mercedes,you and your family are going through a difficult time. Sometimes, just when you think there is no more strength to go on, you find that you can and somehow you do. You all need to be strong together to get through this and you'll gain strength from each other. We are not guaranteed a certain time on this earth. There are many healthy persons that will pass on through accidents before those suffering from terminal diseases. My advice is to try to enjoy the time you have left together and include the children in as many decision making situations as you can. Don't be embarassed to ask for help. Talk about the future you have together and try to focus on his life here now rather than on the future after his death.
God bless you,

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 9:54AM
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Your husband and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((((hugs))))

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 2:20PM
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(((Mercedes and husband))) My 30yr old son Glenn passed away last March, nearly six years after his first diagnosis of melanoma. For more than five years, he lived his life as he had always done and although I always knew there was a strong possibility it would return I put it to the back of my mind and followed his lead. September 2004 it returned as brain tumours and then spread. He underwent chemo and radiation with all the unpleasant side effects. I have so much admiration for him and for his wife. He preferred not to talk about it much, so we did what he wanted and carried on as normally as possible when we were together, talked of what he would do when he felt better, made plans for his little son and showed our love and support so that he would be in no doubt that we would always be there for his family.
We didn't fuss over him and make him feel like an invalid because he was a big, strong man who had always been independent. He had several really good friends, especially his younger brother, who showed their love and respect by treating him the same way as always - joking and laughing but always there when he needed strong shoulders. We are so glad that he stayed Glenn to the end and I believe he appreciated that we all waited until later to fall apart. Of course, we all did lots of grieving in private before and after.
What I am trying to say in this long ramble is - don't look too far ahead, try and make get on with your lives as best you can. You know your husband better than anyone. If possible, sort out the practical things like wills and finances just as everyone should even without illness. I know my son was easier in his mind knowing that he had provided well for his family. Other than the usual sensible things - try as much as much as possible to live your life as though cancer is not a part of it. Plan for fun things when he is feeling well and make memories just by being together.If you have a family, lean on each other and talk about everyone's feelings and just be together.
I don't know you of course, but I used to wish people would not say - don't give up hope, there is always hope. This is true in many cases but I knew because of the nature of Glenn's cancer, that there was no hope when it returned and although I would have died a thousand times if I could save my beautiful boy, I was not going to waste time pretending to myself. He knew that his wife and I were there for him always, doing whatever he needed us to do and supporting each other and just loving him. If he was the type to need us to weep and wail over him, we would have done that but because we knew him, we followed his lead and let him stay Glenn making his own decisions about his care and being able to stay in his own home.
As someone previously said, none of us know how long we have and somehow we get through it just one day at a time. Please keep in touch and know that many here understand a lot of what you feel. Elspeth

    Bookmark   December 13, 2005 at 9:42PM
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My husband was recently diagnosed with Mantle cell lymphoma, which there is no cure for. He's had 4 chemo treatments and a stem cell harvest so far. He has 2 more chemo sessions, then 6 days in the hospital of serious chemo to wipe out his immune system then they reimplant his stem cells that have been "cleaned" and should reboot his system. I don't know how it all works and I'm uncertain myself of how to act, what to do, etc. He is 42. I'm a nervous wreck, too! Does your husband have cancer of a particular organ or lymphoma?

His life expectancy is 5 years. Some have had the procedure twice and lived as long as 12 years. Not long enough for me or our three children (21,13,11). I haven't worked in several years because there was no need, but the weaker he gets the more I see I will have to go back and that scares me like crazy. I don't know if I will make enough money to support us in the same manner as now. Not extravagant, just normal, you know? Do you have any concerns like this and if so, how are your handling them?
Thanks for listening...Tina

    Bookmark   March 16, 2008 at 10:59AM
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I am sorry for the ordeals all of you are going through. I went through this with my husband (stomach and esophageal cancer) the first time in 1999. It returned in November 2006 - he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and secondary liver cancer - he lived 5 months and two weeks, dying on April 17th, 2007.

There is nothing to prepare you for this horrific ordeal, no matter HOW LONG you know about it! My stepson and I were blessed that my husband cared enough about us to have LIFE INSURANCE!

God had been blessing us every day since my husband became a victim of cancer - without it, we would never have made it. Pray - A LOT!

    Bookmark   March 18, 2008 at 9:17PM
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