I want my mommy!
I want my mom and she is gone. I cant think, I am trying to move on. My kids are all split up, I am getting evicted, having anxiety and my fiance is drinking, I was too but that doesnt even work so I stopped. I have to move and am going to a different state before I am homeless. I had a great job until the market crashed. Everything feels surreal and I look at pictures and miss happiness.
My moms birthday is Christmas day. My mom lived with me and died suddenly on August 18th. I talked to her everyday of my life. I don't understand anything anymore and I am so tired and sad. I am apathetic and am going through the motions of trying to get happy about something. I am just venting this right now. I don't think there is an answer. I am a good person, I love Jesus if he is real. I have worked so hard to raise 4 children and have made mistakes. I feel like Job lately. I have been fearful and insecure. I was always strong and motivated. I feel weak, like a failure and so alone. My fiance has been here but I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore. I just want my mom back on earth.
Reality is and my wishes can't change it. Now I have to take my moms and grandmothers remains with me when I move because I can't afford to bury them. My dad has abandoned me and never helped me at all. I am an only child. I feel like my stomach is turning. Thanks for listening.