Husband of 36 years died
I just found this forum. I had I was doing well and I find myself having problems facing Christmas. My husband of almost 36 years died September 3rd. It was 3 weeks after the first symptom that took us to the doctor. The doctor thought there was something wrong, but didn't realize how serious it was. He went from a seemingly healthy man at 62 to a man on life support as his liver failed taking all his organs with it. The doctors were amazed how healthy he was. He did not have the normal damage done by many years of smoking and drinking, but as they told me "We ahve a healthy man dying and we don't know why". They did know that the heat and dehydration was what was the final straw.
I am trying to find out if there is a way I can prove that what killed him was the tylenol they gave him when he lost his foot in May of 2002.
What I find hard is remembering the last conversation we had as he got dressed while I called 911 on the doctors orders. He was apoligizing for dying on me. He was worried what would happen to me. By the time they got him to the hospital he could hardly wake up to communicate anything.
We just moved to our dream house. It sits on 3 acres and he had helped drill the holes for his new shop that looks like a classic old red barn. They finished it as he was dying. The contractor kept asking me if I had shown him any pictures, he couldn't understand that my husband couldn't focus on anything.
The only things that are helping me hold it together is my oldest son and his family. And the fact there were no livers to be had in the 12 hour window he had. God was watching out for him and didn't answer my prayers. It turns out that he had the start of lung cancer and it had already spread to his lymph nodes, so if the liver had been available he would have been dead in less than 6 months from the death he had feared for years. He had quit smoking, but not soon enough.
I have learned over several major problems (one was my own fight with cancer) how to keep going through things, but I seem to be hitting an impass. I am again having problems sleeping and I am having nightmares which I didn't have before. In my dreams I am living the life we would have had with the cancer.
I am having problems sending out the thank you notes and Christmas cards, but know I will have to get them done soon.
I think what made it harder was on the one month anniversary of his death, we buried my mother's brother and the next week we had his services and then 1 month to the day after my husbands services we buried one of his close friends who had liver cancer for several years.
I don't know where I am going with this message except that I have lots of family, but I was raised to grieve in private and that is hard to do sometimes.