My Dad Passed Away -- --way too soon.

mayaswellDecember 17, 2005

Friday afternoons, evening & nights (ditto for Saturdays) are difficult. No. Not just difficult they are gut-wretching. For 6 weeks now. I look at the clock on Friday at 1:30p. ThatÂs when my sister called and said the paramedics just left the house, where am I? I need to leave my store NOW and come home "if you want to talk to Dad".

THAT WAS THE CALL. That was the call that sent my little sister & her DH running thru the Jacksonville airport to get on an emergency flight. The call to get Mom home from work, to get my DH & nephew to walk off their jobs(they work together) and out their doors together to race home. And the call to my brother, who was doing an open-heart surgery, to use every psychological strength and professional stamina he had in him to finish his business, run out of the OR and race the 70 mil. Trip home to try to save Dad. It was the call that choked our oldest brother in his place of business (and, ironically, DadÂs place of retirement the week before) and sent him flying down the highway.

No!!! It just couldnÂt be true. Dad was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis 4 months ago. He was 69. Yes, we knew he was on oxygen, but heÂs moving aroundÂwe ate KFC at home together the night before! How could he have collapsed?

Hospice came to the house. For 44 hours, all 16 of us loved on Dad. We were able to communicate (he was WRITING lifeÂs instructions to us). We loved on him, kissed him, washed him with cool cloths, massaged his shoulders, prayed on/with/to him. In the later hours, we read scripture (Dad, the patriarch, had a very close relationship with God.). We sang his favorite hymns. My DH told Dad to "go ahead and go, Ken. It's the only way you're going to get them to quit the singing" We know we made him laugh (we could see that little smile under all the oxygen paraphernalia). That was exactly 2 hours before he breathing stopped forever.

AT 5:30am Sunday morning, we said our last goodbyes. It was such a sweet, sweet 20 minutes. We said the LordÂs Prayer:Â.for Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, the Glory Forever. Amen." He drew his last breath and Dad SOARED out of that room. We all saw it, we felt it. Dad had found favour with God in his life and God blessed Dad and our family. We were in GodÂs presence when he took DadÂs hand and led him home.

It was the most awesome, horrible, blessed, sweet, horrifying thing thatÂs ever happened to any of us. Ever. I canÂt believe heÂs gone. I just can hardly believe it. He was only 69. His retirement dinner was one week prior. ShouldnÂt he have had 2-3 years??? Why didnÂt he share how sick he was with us (especially his Dr. & and 2 nurses children!) Oh, they knew he was sick, but not the 2 years before he was forced to show his hand and go to a doctor.

I canÂt get over those 44 hours. I canÂt believe heÂs gone. It was too fast and we got cheated out of 15 years or so, of his life. I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings. ItÂs been six weeks and I relive that Fri/Sat over & over & over. I watch the clock those 44 hours EVERY week and relive every moment (so does my Mom. My sisters & brothers don't do that nearly so much). IÂm sorry this is so long. The good thing is that me & my 4 siblings (and THEIR kids) have grown very, very close because of this amazing experience. I'll miss Dad forever & ever. I'm tired of crying. I have so many questions. And regrets. And heartaches about him, as I was the middle child Thank you for letting me share. Kelley

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Brycesmommy

Kelley, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can't say I understand the pain you are going through (no one can because everyone's grief is different). And I haven't lost my father, But all I can say is that I am glad you were able to spend the last moments/seconds of his life with him & say goodbye. So many people don't get that opporunity. It is precious time.

I held my little boy in my arms as he breathed his last breath & I am so grateful I had the chance to hold him & tell him how much I loved him as I had to say goodbye before he was taken away. As heartbreaking as it was (and how that 2 weeks in the hospital will live with me forever), I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was so hard for me to get out of bed for a long time after. And everyday when I look at the clock and it says 8:23am (the time he died). I relive that moment again.

Just take each moment at a time & do what you can do to get through. As hard as it is to believe it right now, it will get easier to get through each day. I didn't believe it when everyone said it at first but it does get easier. I still have days that are worse than others but I also have more days where I can be happy & know my son is with me wherever I go & wouldn't want to see me sad.

Keep in touch here..This place helped me right from the beginning. I was so glad to find it & glad you did too! Take care of yourself!

    Bookmark   December 17, 2005 at 2:15AM
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alisande

Kelley, judging from you post I would say your dad experienced more love in his 69 years than many do in 100. I hope you will try to focus on the fullness of his life.

Susan

    Bookmark   December 17, 2005 at 1:21PM
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DianePA

(((Kelley)))) its never easy losing a parent or anyone!! My dad's been gone for 14 1/2 yrs and my mom 8 yrs. hang in there, your dad's watching over you, he's right there with you!!! DianePA

    Bookmark   December 17, 2005 at 6:31PM
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lulie___wayne

Kelley, I'm so sorry for the pain that you and your family are going through. I'm so sorry that you lost your dear dad.
You are truly blessed to have had the relationship with him that you have, and so blessed that you were able to say goodbye to him rather than him leave suddenly without that opportunity which so many wish for.
Carry your love and your wonderful memories in your heart and your dad's spirit will never leave you. Remember, you will be with him again someday when the time is right.
Bless you.
Lu

    Bookmark   December 17, 2005 at 6:32PM
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junemn

Kelly, what a sad thing for you. Your post has an uplifting ring to it. For your dad to be so loved is such a wonderful thing. He must have been a special man to receive such loving attention from his family. We should all be so blessed.

    Bookmark   December 18, 2005 at 12:32PM
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janec35

I am so sorry for your loss, your Dad was only 69. I just lost my husband a month ago after 49 years of marrige. He had just turned 70 and we were together since teenagers. I too recall only too often the last hour of his life, as I was with him holding his hand. To relive it the way we do is extremely painful, but everyone says it wll get a little better. It is too soon, and we only remember the trauma right now. God bless snd comfort you. Jane

    Bookmark   December 18, 2005 at 6:53PM
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sudiepav

Isn't it funny how the clock or calendar continues to bring fresh grief back all over again. Saurday, I was sitting reading the morning paper, and I glanced at the date, realized it was the 17th, the date which breaks my heart each month as it was June 17 when my son and granddaughter died. I involuntarily looked at the clock, saw it was 9:00, about the time they died, and cried again as I realized it was exactly 2 1/2 years ago, that moment.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2005 at 12:11PM
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jlj48

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I lost my sweet dad one year ago in August. I continue to relive those last moments too. Consider yourself fortunate, You and your siblings have each other and this has brought you closer. Unfortunately, in my family, it tore us apart. Then I lost my precious Mom last March. Talk about lost. Some days I don't know how I get through. I feel so alone. But I have my husband and children and they are my lifesavers. What blessings they are. Be happy for the love that you shared and hang in there.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2005 at 9:05PM
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ahf3m

I'm so sorry for your loss Kelley. May God keep you and your family strong. Yes,it is funny how the clock and calender play in the role of reminding you of the grief. It's funny too because it's been seven months this 17th of December. You must be so luck to have had a dad like yours. I'm assuming he was a great man by the way you described him in your writing. It's still so fresh to me and I'm sorry to say but in my experience it's getting harder for me to deal with my husband's death. I'm sure with all your family's love all of you will keep each other strong and have people to lean on. May God keep you and your family.

    Bookmark   December 20, 2005 at 8:43AM
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jessesfrog

KELLY YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED HAVING THAT CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR LOVED ONES NEAR...MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONE'S I TOO HAVE LOST MY FATHER RECENTLY DEC 2006 AND TRUELY THERE ISN'T A DAY THAT DOESNT GO BY THAT I CRY OR HURT OR WISH FOR ONE MORE DAY....YOUR BLESSED FOR BEING ABLE TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO HOLD HIM CLOSE AND HEAR THEM LAST WORDS I WASN'T SO LUCKY TO HAVE THAT MY DAD PASSED AWAY IN MEXICO FROM CANCER NOT SAYING GOODBYE IS PAINFUL OR GOING TO THE FUNERAL CAUSE OF THE EXPENSE'S OR GOING TO A PLACE I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO. I STILL HAVE THOUGHT'S IN MY HEAD OF HOW TO SAY GOOD-BYE AND COME UP WITH NOTHIN NEED ADVICE ON HOW TOO DO THIS LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT NOW, YOU HAVE A LOVING FAMILY TO LEAN ON FOR SUPPORT ..THERE IS 8 IN MINE I'M THE YOUNGEST AND WE ARE NOW VERY MUCH APART, I NEED HELP TO RELEASE MY PAIN. I GUESS I WILL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S GIRL EVEN THOUGH I'M 44 IT SEEM'S LIKE YESTERDAY I WAS JUST SITTING ON HIS LAP HELPING HIM DRINK HIS COFFEE AND DIP MY COOKIES IN HIS COFFEE CUP WITH HIM. THEM MEMORIES WILL FOREVER STAY GODSPEED .........TERESA

    Bookmark   January 24, 2007 at 3:27AM
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