How to deal with Christmas without my husband

sandyinvaNovember 19, 2011

I do not know how to do this. This is my first Christmas without my husband: I can't imagine not setting up a tree: but how to deal with nothing under it? How do I even decorate it without falling apart?

Christmas eve tradition was Swedish meatballs... I believe he would want that to still happen, our son and family live near by, it will be hard for me to do it, but Jer would want me to carry on. Meanwhile my daughter is in CT, and wants me up there with her kids for Christmas. Ideally she wants all of us to join her for Christmas Eve, Swedish meatballs, etc... It's a 6 hour drive from here.

I feel railroaded. Son is encouraging me to go to CT, he does not want me to be alone Christmas am....I am thinking of going to his place Christmas am, then catching a train to CT. These are all temporary fixes... I really do not want to go anywhere, I want to be here in my house but do not know how to deal with this. Every year we cut down our christmas tree. I can't not have a tree.

I want a new Christmas tradition that I can remember my husband and my kids and grandchildren can be a part of...

I really just want to take a nap and wake up in January. How do I ever get through this????

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mav63_2007

Sandy,
I am truly sorry for your loss and Christmas will be hard but we have to get through it because this is not the only Christmas we will have on our own.
My husband died on Nov. 23, 2006 and Christmas came up so quickly. Bob knew that Christmas is my favorite holdiay and I knew that he would want me to be happpy. It wasn't easy, but I put up my tree and put out a few of my decorations and, believe it or not it felt so warm and I truly believe he was enjoying it with me.
Put up your tree and enjoy it with him then decide which of you children you will go to and do your best to have a good Christmas because Jer wants you to.
Good Luck and God Bless you, life will get easier over the years, I promise.

    Bookmark   November 20, 2011 at 12:17PM
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lynn_d

Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. Have you told your daughter and son that you want to celebrate the holiday in your own home? That you want to feel the joy, love and peace of the season there and how important it is to you? We went thru this when we lost my mom, for 25 years Christmas was at our home with mom, her husband and his son. When mom died they all decided that I should not have to do all that. We (hubby and I) felt so abandoned, and it has created a huge chasm in our relationship with my stepfamily. So please speak up, tell them what you want to do and ask them to be part of it if they wish to do so.

Hugs to you, Sandy.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2011 at 11:25AM
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JoAnn_Fla

I am also sorry for your loss. I just lost me husband 3 months ago and have no idea how the day will turn out.
I do suggest you go, get out of the house, do not be alone. I put up a small tree, mostly for the grandson. I'm not in the mood either but like I've hear others say..... Do what you think he would want you to do and carry on as usual. We have our life ahead of us now so we have to do what will be normal from now on. I don't like it one bit but there is nothing we can do about it.
(((((((Sandy)))))))))

    Bookmark   November 28, 2011 at 8:13PM
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sandyinva

Thank you all....yes, the most difficult aspect of this is that I know this is just one of many ahead of me. I have decided that we will have swedish meatballs as usual here or at my son's, I will spend the night there, and catch a 10:30 train to CT on Christmas day. I have to be here for the 24th. Otherwise, since I am going out of town, why even bother with a tree, etc, and I HAVE to do a tree, which we ( My son, DIL, 2 grand girls), will cut down this Sunday.) Our tree remains up for nearly a month, and I enjoy every day of it. Not to have it would be like denying all the Christmases we have shared.

Thank you again, all, your responses helped me to understand what I needed to do.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2011 at 9:24PM
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mav63_2007

Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to all of you. This is not my first Christmas without my precious husband but it is still tough. (I'll never stop loving you baby)

    Bookmark   December 6, 2011 at 9:32PM
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