My Mom Just Passed Away

mariongNovember 16, 2007

My Mom passed away one week ago. I had no idea how bad this would feel. It was unexpected - even though she had her health problems - we thought she would be around for another 10 or 15 years. We did talk on the phone the night before she passed. But I regret that we never talked about so many things - I took her to church every Sunday - to family gatherings practically every weekend - at least for the last couple of months - but we never hugged or said, I love you. Her passing has melted this emotional barrier that existed before - I would give anything for a second chance to show my Mom how much I loved her. I feel like I should have done so much for her. How does one get over the guilt?

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Marion, I am so very sorry about your mom. You have to believe that she knew how much you loved her, even if it wasn't verbally expressed as much as you would have liked. It's so easy to look back and feel regret, but don't do that to yourself. Your actions speaked louder than words. You wouldn't have been there every weekend to take her to church and elsewhere if you didn't love her and care for her. She knew that.

I lost my mom 2 years ago in Jan. and I still cry just about everyday. She was my best friend and I feel lost in this world without her. But I take it one day at a time...and know that someday when my name is called we will be together. But I have to stay strong for my sisters and my dad and be here for them.

Cry when you need to. It does help to let it all out. Just don't feel guilty. Your mom wouldn't want that, I'm sure.


    Bookmark   November 17, 2007 at 10:16AM
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Thank you Duane,
I am working through it and I know it is easy to go back and think of all the things I should have done if I had only known - My Mom was only 71 and I thought we had more time together - we would work through our emotional barriers.
Yes-One day at a time - knowing that we will be together again someday. I'm sorry about your loss.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2007 at 9:07AM
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what Duane said.

Your mom knew.

Take care of yourself, & when you feel yourself starting to feel regrets, remember that you were *there* for her:

That's the most potent evidence of love that you can get.

    Bookmark   November 27, 2007 at 1:09PM
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I just lost my mom too last week and my dad three months ago. I just realized I'm an orphan. I miss them, but what grieves me the most is that the siblings are fighting over the stuff they left behind. My brother is even refusing to come to the memorial service for them. Don't they realize all we have left is each other?

    Bookmark   December 12, 2007 at 7:08AM
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Anne, I'm sorry your siblings are fighting like that. It is a common theme, and I don't know if it is grief, greed or a combo of the two, but shouldn't the fact that you just lost both parents bring everyone together and not divide?

Stuff is exactly that....stuff.

And we are all going to pass over someday....and the Lord says no carry-ons!

I wish your family peace and hope you can figure out a way to reunite everyone in this trying time.


    Bookmark   December 12, 2007 at 9:51AM
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The one thing that hit me hardest after I lost my Mom is that "stuff" is just "stuff". It really hit home that family, people, love - are the things that matter.
Ann - I hope your siblings can find peace among each other - and not get hung up on "stuff"
Duane - It has helped to read your responses - here and elsewhere. What kind if signs have you experienced from your Mom. I think I have had two signs myself - and both times I believe the message was that my Mom is okay.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2007 at 10:17PM
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Marion, thanks for the kind words. Funny thing is my parents next door neighbor at their old house in Detroit is named Marion. And she was one of only a few people that called my mom on the phone to talk. My mom was blind for her last 15 years on Earth and the phone was a lifeline. I called her twice a day religiously and took her shopping (she loved to shop..even being blind..I would describe things to her and she would 'feel' them).

I should call her friend Marion. Every summer I would take some of my homegrown tomatoes to her and I didn't do it this year (shame on me).

Anyway, I have had several 'signs' from my mom. The first one was a couple of weeks after she passed. I was half asleep and wandered out to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a drink. I heard a loud voice say 'DUANE'. And since I was a little groggy I said 'what?' I thought it might have been my wife. But I went back to the other end of the house and my wife was fast asleep. My mom got one word to send me from the other side. Just my name, but it was very surreal.

Twice after that after awakening and lying in bed a strong smell permeated the was like fresh cut flowers...very strong smelling..but natural..not perfumy. That scent stayed in the air for about a minute and a half...and as the flower scent faded I got just a whiff of fresh cinnamon. Those three events have convinced me there is another 'side' and somehow my mom was able to get the word out.

Thanksgiving 2006 the family was gathered for dinner in my mom and dads basement rec room. There was a knock on the window...3 knocks actually...knock knock knock. I ran upstairs and went outside...nobody there....then the phone sister has a friend who is a renowned psychic (I don't know her name) and she called to say she had a strong message come over from my mama. She said my mom said 'nice glasses' and I like the roses. We aren't sure what the rose comment was about, but my mom always insisted on drinking her diet coke out of a glass...and we were all drinking out of tin cans (I know..on Thanksgiving?) and we are sure she was either being sarcastic about our choice of dinnerware...or not..because both my dad and I were wearing new eyeglasses..his new and I had on an old pair that was taped up (pending my new pair from the optometrist).

I also had a dream where my mom was lying dead ....and I cried and begged her to return to life...and she did...and then she said to me ''s not good'. I hope she meant it wasn't good I brought her back...and not it wasn't good on the other side. That still bothers me.

All for now. We are supposed to get 7-12 inches of snow over the next day and I better make sure the snowblower is in working order.

I hope everyone has a good weekend and makes it through the holiday season. Cry when you need to, but try to find joy in the season. Remember earth is just a stepping stone on our spiritual journey. This is not the end, but just the beginning.


    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 11:02AM
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I believe too that loved ones try to make us feel comforted after their passing. I know as a biologist too that the mind may use different mechanisms as part of the grieving process, like dreams, etc. Both my parents died last year when I was in Grad school, I was 22. My father 53, fell down a flight of steps, my mother died of a prescription drug overdose 7 months later. I have had dreams with both of them. One was when I was at my parent's house where my mom was in her bedroom. I remember my sister and I went out onto our back porch and looked up into the night sky and saw different colors from the sky...I remember thinking in my dream that it was parents telling me that they were OK. I woke up crying from this dream. I have also had dreams with my dad and my mom (always separate, they are never together in my dreams) where I cry because they are gone and they act like nothing is wrong. I strangely find these dreams comforting. Its like even though I am sad they seem to be doing OK and living like they were when they were still here.

My prayers go out to everyone.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 3:33PM
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