Holidays...and dreading it
Hi all. My momma passed away Jan.30, '06. She had 5 heart attacks last year and the only option when she had another on Jan.2 was to try surgery. Well she make it..but never recovered. Too much wrong..kidneys...lungs and of course ...heart. I was so close to her...She was blind for the last 15 years of her life..and so sweet and hopeful. I have had thoughts of suicide almost every day since her passing. I know that is not the thing she would want..or God...but to have the person who brought you into the world not here to share things with is so painful. My dad is so lonely..it breaks my heart...and now the holidays again. My dad loved Christmas..but he has no ambition for anything this year...and I can relate. I don't want to put up decorations or anything. It is like a life-line between me and my mom has been severed and I just can't understand the thinking of a God which puts us through this....I am so mad at life and God I can't think straight. What does anything matter anymore...who cares ..who cares....I just want to die..really..so I don't have to wake up every morning realizing my life will never be the same...and I am so tired of crying and trying to keep going. Life really sucks somtimes.