Dog died

tylermNovember 2, 2009

Hi, my name is tyler, i am 15 years old. My dog, known as cocoa, died last saturday. I am not "new" to someone dieing in my family. My dad was sick all my life and died when I was nine. I am fully over that now, and for 4 years after his death (9-13), I was badly depressed. My grades dropped, my personality changed completely. But, at 14 and 15, I have to say I really enjoyed living and what I was doing. Then, BAM. cocoa gets sick out of no where. It was thursday when it started. He was hardly moving, and breathing heavily whenever someone went up to pet him. I told my mom we should bring him to the vet but she refused - i was shocked. Friday night, I spent two hours outside in the dark with him, crying because I knew something wasnt wrong. I eventually went inside, he did not move until the next half hour. My brother said he probably just ate something wrong. I felt a lot better, and went to sleep.

I woke up at 5 a.m. with my brother knocking on my door saying we need help. i had no clue what he was saying it for, but i got down stairs, and saw my dog laying on a blanket. they told me to help pick the blanket up and bring it to the back of the truck, so i did. i then went back up stairs. i knew he was going to die. before i went upstairs, still outside, i remember he leaned over before the back of the truck closed, and he looked at me into my eyes. -i do not cry a lot, in fact i have not cried since my dad died, and writing this has me in tears-. i went back up stairs, went to sleep, and woke up to my mom telling me he was dead.

i cried for hours. the feeling in my heart would not go away. i started hating every moment that passed by. i felt so guilty, my dog died at only 9 years old. i know i could have done something about it. my family always fed him 'human' food.

know, every moment in my life is like what it was before. i feel depressed. i feel like sleeping constantly in school. im not getting work done. i cant fall asleep at night.

i feel worse than when my dad died, and i felt really bad then, which is unbelievable to me.

i cannot get the picture out of my mind where he leaned back and looked at me into my eyes before the trunk closed.

rip cocoa

-the reason i write this is because i like talking to other people about deaths - it makes me feel better thanks for reading.

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tyler, I understand the pain of losing an animal that you loved so much. I grew up on a farm and lived far away from people, so I didn't have many friends. All of the animals became my friends. I think that in many ways I was closer to them then I was to people. They always gave me unconditional love, they didn't judge me, always listened to me, were always happy to see me. The list of what they gave to me goes on and on.

It broke my heart every time I lost one. It is very natural to grieve the loss of a pet, just as it is when you lose someone like your dad. It is very, very important to have someone to talk to. Some of the pain you are feeling may be also because the loss of Cocoa, brings back the loss of your dad.

Do you have an adult that you are close to that you could talk about your feelings, especially the depression and your difficulty sleeping. If not, your school must have a guidance councilor. He or she could be a real good source of help with what you are going through.

You do not need to go through this alone.

In the last line of what you wrote you said " -the reason i write this is because i like talking to other people about deaths". What did you mean by that? Have you lost other people in your life?

    Bookmark   November 3, 2009 at 10:05AM
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I have lost 2 grand parents and my dad. that is all i have lost, but i was really close to my dad and he died when i was only 9. what i meant about talking to other people, i meant sharing their "story".

    Bookmark   November 3, 2009 at 4:09PM
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tylerm, You certainaly have had more than your share of losses for a 15 year old. Your post struck me especially hard because my husband lost both of his parents to long illnesses when he was about the age you lost your dad. He went through it pretty much by himself and that is why I worried that you might not have someone to talk to. He didn't get to talk to anyone, so the pain he still carries is nearly as strong as it was when he was a little boy.

I am really sorry that you lost your grandparents too were you close to them?

I was much older than you when I lost my mother to a long illness and I cannot imagine if it had happened when I was only 9 years old. I can tell you that talking about it doesn't make the pain go away immediately, but it sure does help a lot!

What was your dad like? Do you mind telling us what you liked to do together?

What kind of dog was cocoa. My favorite dog that we had was named buster. He was a mutt, but such a wonderful friend. He could tell time. I kid you not. He would be sitting where the school bus dropped us off waiting for us every night. My mom was a stay at home mom and she said he would head for his spot every night just before the bus came.

    Bookmark   November 3, 2009 at 6:41PM
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Yes, I loved my grand parents. Even though they lived 7 hours away from me, every time they visited i always enjoyed them coming over.

i do not mind telling you about my dad. i honestly cant even remember what we did together, but i remember i was always really close to him. i used to play baseball, and unfortunately i made the all star team when i was younger three straight years in a row and i felt bad that he wasnt there to see it. we used to toss the ball before he was unable to run around like that anymore. but i remember i always felt bad for him. he was just a normal guy who was unlucky to get sick, he died when he was only 37. one thing that will never get out of my mind is when we went to disney when i was 6, and all of my family went ahead, and i looked back and saw my dad in the back, with his cane, and i would be the only one who would wait for him, and walk with him while the rest of them went ahead, and i remember the smile on the face when he said "thanks for waiting" .

cocoa was a visla, which is supposed to be an endangered kind of dog. i really hate that he is gone now. i come home from school, and he usually ran up to me, greeting me and it always made my day better. we have a dog bed in my living room, i pass by it every day after school, i look at it and it ruins my day. i can swear i still hear him scratching on my door and whining as what he used to do when he wanted to come in.

thank you for replying agian

    Bookmark   November 3, 2009 at 9:58PM
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Did you used to talk to your dad about your baseball games? My husband played basketball with his dad until he got too sick to play anymore, but they loved talking about the games. He died of cancer.

What was your dad sick with? If I ask you something and you don't feel that you are up to talking about, that is ok. Did you have anyone at the time you lost him that you could talk to?

I hope you can always hold that special moment in your heart that you had with him at Disney. That is something only the 2 of you shared. When you are ready, if you can, try to go back in time and think of the things you talked about I bet you will remember more things that just the 2 of you shared that will make you smile.

Your relationship with cocoa sounds like mine with buster. I was maybe a year or 2 older than you when he died. I felt about his little dog house like you do about cocoa's dog bed. Every time I saw it and he wasn't there it made me cry. The only way I could handle it was to put the dog house in the barn so I couldn't see it all the time, but could go out there and "visit" when the pain wasn't so raw.

It took time to get over the loss of him. I still think about him and the silly things he did and will always miss him, but now it is with fond memories. You will get to that place in your mind with cocoa one day. It will take some time to get through the pain, but little by little you will. I believe dogs are very smart little creatures. They know things and pick up things that we humans sometimes miss. My gut says that cocoa knew his time to go was near and when he looked into your eyes it was with love for you.

    Bookmark   November 4, 2009 at 8:12AM
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Hey, I know exactly what you mean. My dog jack died last month. I got him when I was 5 and I am now 17. He brought me so much in my life as He meant the world to me. Just being there to talk to, greeted when I get home, cuddle when I'd had a bad day, walk when I wanted to clear my head. I miss him so so much and the ache in my stomach feels horrible. All of my friends do not understand, they belittle the grief I am going through because he's 'just a dog' but no he is not. He is my best friend, something that none of them can even begin to understand. I need someone to talk to who understands and who doesn't try and minimise my grief for my friend because dogs are better than human beings by far. Any ways thanks for your story, I understand, Emma xx

    Bookmark   June 29, 2011 at 6:11PM
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