Sometimes I Feel.....

jenniferwNovember 28, 2005

Sometimes I feel as if I'm in total denial over my mom's death. Most of the time I try not to think about the fact that she's gone and I won't be able to see her, gossip with her, or laugh with her ever again. Then there are times that I do think about it and have to put it right out of my mind because I don't have time to deal with the feelings that come along with that train of thought. And then there are the times when I am doing the most menial things and BAM there it is. My mom is gone and not coming back. That's when I feel as if I've been hit in the chest with a crowbar (or something really heavy...lol) It's hard to breathe sometimes. I hate feeling like this.

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socks

That sounds just like what I've been through, Jennifer. I allow myself time to do all the things I need to do (home, family, etc.), but when I slow down a bit, have a day to myself, the sadness creeps up and I feel it.

I know how you miss your mom and how many times you have thought, "Oh, I wish I could tell Mom about this!" She's gone from you physically, but you still have the love you felt for each other. Treasure that love and her memory.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 6:37PM
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junemn

Jennifer I know just what you mean. I can go along LaDeDa doing what I think is just fine and then it hits and knocks me on my behind. It is like a crowbar it feels that physical. I heard someplace that you don't feel grief until you lose someone you love more than yourself. I think that's true. Thankfully we have many, many special memories.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 7:16PM
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dawn2dusk

Jennifer, as difficult as it is to deal with the pain of missing your Mom, it is something that you need to acknowledge and work through, so you can move along in the grieving process. Yes, when a loved ones dies we miss them so much, and sometimes when we least expect it we can be overcome by immense sadness. But, allowing ourselves to feel the pain, rather than denying it, leads to eventual healing - at least this is what the experts say. I too am a fellow sufferer and send hugs to you.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 9:35PM
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jlj48

Jennifer - I know EXACTLY how you feel. I will miss my sweet mom, and father for that matter for the rest of my life, every day of my life. I can't even say the word. I can't even look at pictures or letters. I feel for the most part that I will never get better. But I get through each day, and I function - I get done what I need to. That's all I can do right now. Hang in there. Keep trying. Be grateful for the love that you shared. It is not a given that all mother's and daughters share this. I've met many who don't have this with their mothers. I'm so grateful I had it with mine and I know you are too.
Joanie

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 10:35PM
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jenniferw

Thank you all for sharing your feelings with me. It really helps to know that there are others who feel like I do. It helps to keep me grounded at times because I realize that I'm not the only one who's suffering through the grief of losing a loved one and I need to remember that and try to reach out and help those who are grieving as well.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 6:22PM
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lulie___wayne

Those feelings are so normal! I know what you mean. I do the same thing with Mom and Chris being gone. It still really doesn't seem real much of the time and then there are times when it is so very painful.
I think it's probably our bodies that can't handle all the grief all the time, so we can only let a certain amount in at certain times. It feels like maybe denial, but it's probably just our self preservation kicking in.
Lu

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 7:19PM
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ladonna

Im in the same boat too. I just don't know how to get past the part of denying my mom is gone. Sometimes, I even catch myself being angry because she left me. I wasn't at all prepared for her death. Just the week before her and I were laughing and jokin at each other. Then the next week she is gone. Just when I think im doin pretty good, then something triggers my mind, and seems like im back to how I was when she first died.
Thanks for letting me talk.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 10:31PM
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Oddtree

Trust me, I feel the same way. It's especially hard when I dream about her, because for a minute or so when I wake up, I've forgotten that she's gone. And then I remember, and it's like someone punched me.

It's all a process, and I know I'll miss her forever. But I think it will be less physically painful as time moves on.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2005 at 1:38PM
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