why is this so hard
on 11/30, it will be 5 years since i lost the love of my life. i don't know if it's because the "anniversary" is looming or what but this year, i am finding it particularly hard to put one foot in front of the other.
had thanksgiving with gary's family yesterday. everybody was there. everybody except him. it's all i could think about. there was absolutely no joy for me. for the first time in a long time, i had to go upstairs and be alone to cry. i try to put on a happy face but for some reason, right now i just can't.
i am supposed to go to another thanksgiving dinner tonight with my very best friends and i don't think i can do it. it's just too hard to see everybody with their spouses or significant others laughing and having a good time when ALL i can think about is gary not being here.
i haven't been big on the holidays ever since he died. i can't wait for them to be over. there is no joy, no happy thanksgiving, no merry christmas.
this just sucks. :(