going to grieve counseling today

violaroseNovember 7, 2006

my dad passed in aug of this year. he is my best friend due to me being disabled, he took it up as his job to take care of me and my girls when my DH worked far away, so I got to see my dad alot of times during the day, and we became fast friends again.

I am a sensitive person- I feel deep for others. volunteering is something that helps me.

but i am getting tormented by bad thoughts. i have to be careful wording it because i want to follow the forum rules, but i am getting tormented by wanting to take my mom and family away from the pain of future deaths. and just get us all to dad, but even before I became religious I knew that suicide would not put me in the same place as where I would want to be. so theres no point in that. so i wouldnt, but i am so tired of my thoughts on the subject, use i feel it would be the best solution because all i want is my dad.

the counselor secretary really wanted me to go in last night ( talk) but i wouldnt because my DH and i were scheduled to work at Love Inc and i wouldnt let my commiment down, - my dad didnt raise me that way . it affected me and left me more hungry , to do more,

but this is so hard, hardest thing i have done, trying to get my 8 year old daughters thru it, my mom thru it. i have become this bad daughter, it hurts to see her. she is obsessed with clearing out dads things so she can clear out her things so she can move into a smaller place and go on with her life, and maybe meet a male companion and i understand although its so painful to think about, but mom misses dad so much, i cant fault her if she wants to meet a kind man who will show her love and dinner companionship. i just feel like my world is falling apart. sorry for the long ramble

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jlj48

I hope that your were able to go to grief counseling and that you found it to be a good place to start getting help. Please do not make any big decisions without talking first to someone you can be accoutable to. You are hurting and overwhelmed and need someone to sort things out with. I hope you will get the help you need. I am sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2006 at 5:34PM
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socks

Good for you, Violarose. I'm so glad you are going.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2006 at 7:07PM
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violarose

Hi, going to therapy didnt really help, but the next day I went away with my daughters for a couple days to a beautiful area, and it helped me immensley, and gave me better clarity.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2006 at 1:27AM
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theroselvr

How long were your parents married & did they have a good relationship?

Clearing out his stuff will be hard. I did it a few days after my dad passed because his room was needed. I remember cleaning out his closet and thinking this was what his life came to - his stuff in black bags.

My parents while married for 40 years, were more just living together. Something came out of my mothers mouth less than 12 hours after he passed - I swear my mouth hit the ground. I saw her 2 weeks ago for the 1st time in 9 months - she said something really cold that I had to blow off - something to the effect of - life goes on (she was telling me how all his stuff got thrown out), you have to get over it - I don't know why you're so upset - well I guess I was with my parents too - I just didn't love him like that - I felt sorry for him

I'm glad you found comfort. When the plants started waking up in the spring, it also brought me peace. I also bought a rose in my dads memory called Unconditional Love. For me, it helped to plant it and see it grow & bloom.

Everyone is different. Not everyone deals with death the same way. You know what is right for you, but it may not be right for your mother. Take something to remember him by. Put it in a shadow box frame so that it doesn't get ruined. If you have a scanner - grab some photos from mom, scan then print them; then get yourself a frame that has a few photo spaces. I used one like in the link below, it has 9 compartments for photos and trinkets, but mine was from Walmart. Unfortunatly they don't have it listed online.

Here is a link that might be useful: frame

    Bookmark   November 15, 2006 at 9:36AM
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violarose

my parents were really good friends, compatiable, short tempered with each other at times but loved each other. he was cremated, i have some of his ashes. thank you for posting to me.
its weird family dynamics. they were married 45 years.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2006 at 1:31AM
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