going to grieve counseling today
my dad passed in aug of this year. he is my best friend due to me being disabled, he took it up as his job to take care of me and my girls when my DH worked far away, so I got to see my dad alot of times during the day, and we became fast friends again.
I am a sensitive person- I feel deep for others. volunteering is something that helps me.
but i am getting tormented by bad thoughts. i have to be careful wording it because i want to follow the forum rules, but i am getting tormented by wanting to take my mom and family away from the pain of future deaths. and just get us all to dad, but even before I became religious I knew that suicide would not put me in the same place as where I would want to be. so theres no point in that. so i wouldnt, but i am so tired of my thoughts on the subject, use i feel it would be the best solution because all i want is my dad.
the counselor secretary really wanted me to go in last night ( talk) but i wouldnt because my DH and i were scheduled to work at Love Inc and i wouldnt let my commiment down, - my dad didnt raise me that way . it affected me and left me more hungry , to do more,
but this is so hard, hardest thing i have done, trying to get my 8 year old daughters thru it, my mom thru it. i have become this bad daughter, it hurts to see her. she is obsessed with clearing out dads things so she can clear out her things so she can move into a smaller place and go on with her life, and maybe meet a male companion and i understand although its so painful to think about, but mom misses dad so much, i cant fault her if she wants to meet a kind man who will show her love and dinner companionship. i just feel like my world is falling apart. sorry for the long ramble