The loss of my daughter

triggs43November 28, 2009

I just recently lost my daughter on Nov. 15, 2009, due to a Intercranial Hemmorage. She was only 21 yrs old. I am so lost without her I can hardly stand who I am anymore. I was her caregiver, her mother and her and I were the best of friends. I miss seeing her smile, hugging her and kissing her. My son says I am strong for taking care and doing all that I have done for her but I feel so weak. I can't sleep at night, I can't focus and I am at such a loss that I cry all the time. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. She was so bubbly even when she wasn't feeling well. I miss that so much. I miss my baby desperately!

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catlettuce

Dear Triggs,
I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter (((Triggs))).

you are stronger than you know and of course you are feeling weak and distraught right now. I can't imagine how much you miss her. I'm not going to tell you to not feel your feelings but am going to ask you to please just focus on today and getting through it. Continue with remembering your daughters smiling face and bubbly nature because focusing on these sweet moments are whats going to get you through it and I'm sure that is what any daughter would wish for her mom, is to keep her close with these loving thoughts and you will never be without her.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, I will keep you close in heart and prayers to ease your heart and help you focus on the joys you had with your daughter and to help you through this difficult time one day at a time. For today, can you take a walk outside, even a short one to feel the sun shine on your face, take some deep breaths and connect with nature for a little while. Be gracious and gentle with yourself, you are not alone.

Big huge hugs to you!
~Cat

    Bookmark   November 28, 2009 at 12:16PM
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triggs43

Thank you Cat and I just have to ask, Is it normal to feel like my head isn't attached to my body. I feel like I am walking among the clouds and can't seem to think straight nor do I feel normal. I feel like I have a mist going on in my head and I can't seem to shake it. How can I change this terrible feeling that I have going on inside me?

    Bookmark   November 28, 2009 at 9:45PM
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gerina

Dear Triggs,

I am sorry for you recent loss. I don't have any children, so I won't pretend to know how you feel, but I lost my only sibling and I watched my mother hurt. I just posted the following on another post "The Lost Of A Daughter" and I thought that I would re-post here in case you don't see it. Again, I am sorry for your losses. It must be so painful. -Geri

**To all of you, I am sorry for your losses. I watched the pain of the loss of your children in my mother. My sister passed away nearly twenty years ago to a decade and half long dance with cancer. My mom was a changed person from the moment of the initial diagnosis, and if it was remotely possible for her to fall into a deeper depression after my sister died, she did.

My mom refused to move forward from that immense loss and my dad and I (they only had two kids) paid a very heavy price for it. It was like my dad and I no longer existed. My birthday was a few months after my losing my sister. My mom asked me if I really needed to have a cake. I told her I didn't, and I understood, but I was still hurt because that delicious cake was the only thing she ever gave me for my b-day each year. All holidays went the same way as the cake. Ironically, my mom always said that "life was for the living" and not to dwell when people pass. She should have followed her own advice because her refusal to participate in her life and ours destroyed our family. My father confided to a good family friend that he was going to discontinue taking his heart meds because he couldn't take my mom any longer. She was never happy and never want to go anywhere. She drained the life out of him and he died a few months later - at Christmas.

I guess what I am try to tell all of you is to take the time you need to grieve and heal, but don't get stuck there. I'm sure your loved ones wouldn't want you and your families to suffer like ours.**

    Bookmark   November 29, 2009 at 12:08PM
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sylviatexas1

Triggs, I'm so sorry.

It sounds like you & she were very close, & that's such a blessing.

My brother told me, after his son died in a car crash, that he thought it was the cruelest thing to have to bury your child.

Right now, write down things that you remember about her, about times you shared with her.

Do it now, do it every time you think of something.

Based on my brother's experience & on what I've learned from the kind & perceptive people who share on this forum, I don't think your grief will ever go away completely, but the day will come when you'll be able to remember *her* (rather than remembering her loss) with joy & with a smile.

& I think that detached feeling may be emotional shock or maybe even a little bit of nature's mercy, shielding your system from the rawness of pain...

but please don't take any chances-

*please* call your doctor & get your blood pressure & such checked out.

holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2009 at 6:17PM
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triggs43

Thank you Sylvia for your kind words and you too Gerina. I will do just that when it comes to thinking of her and I will also make sure I do not push my other kids away. Today was my birthday and it went well I had alot of family around me though the loss is still soooo hard. I will be going to the doctors tomarrow just to make sure I am ok, the hardest part will be tomarrow. It was is my baby's birthday. SHe would have been 22. Thank for all the kind words, all of you. I am thankful for this site.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2009 at 6:56PM
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lynn_d

Oh Triggs, please know that ou have my sincerest sympathy. I lost my sister 25 years ago (she was 33) and can still remember the pain on my parent's faces. We all struggled but our pain could not come close to theirs.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, I wish you strength, love and warmth in your memories. Eventually you will think of her with joy in your heart instead of the overwhelming sadness that is there now. I hope and pray that day comes quickly and you have a heart full of peace.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2009 at 1:44PM
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triggs43

Today was a very hard day for me. The equipment team came to pick up my daughter's medical bed and equipment and I lost it. I am so devestated and miss her terribly... I am sooo lost!!!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2009 at 10:20PM
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sylviatexas1

Triggs, I'm so sorry.

Please *call for help* when something like that is coming up;
don't even try to "handle" it stoically.

When you know you're going to have to face paperwork or pick out a stone or talk to an insurance company, get your son if he's old enough or get a relative or someone from church or a neighbor to be with you.

& how did your doctor visit go?

    Bookmark   December 5, 2009 at 2:19PM
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triggs43

My doctor's visit went well. He prescribed me a sleeping pill so I can sleep at night. It helps. The last few days have been so hard for me. I miss my baby girl so much I ache for her hugs and kisses. She was so good at that even though she was 21 and she always would say, Hey Mom, and when I would say yes Ash, she would say I love you!!! I miss that terribly. There is so much pent up anger and loss for the fact that I truely believe that the hospital messed up and didn't tend to her issues when they should have. SHe was doing fine and was talking to me and wide awake and then two days later I go to see her and she's lathargic and out of it and the Nuero surgeon wouldn't even order a CT, when I begged them too. I ended up tranferring her to a different hospital but by that time it was too late. How can a doctor even face themselves in the mirror when they didn't do everyhting that's expected of them as a doctor? HOW? Sorry I needed to vent. I have been miserable the last few days because I miss her so much and I needed to get this off my chest. I am thankful to have met new friends to help me cope...Thank you everyone.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2009 at 11:42PM
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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

I really do think you need to talk to an attorney.

Don't try to get any support from *any* doctor, even if your own doctor has always been steadfastly wonderful.

Not only do doctors not want to "rat out" someone in their own profession, but they don't want to risk having to testify or be deposed;
those things take time & they don't make the doctor any money.

Take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2009 at 3:38PM
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triggs43

I have an app to see an attorney in Jan. He is very curious about the situation. I will keep you all posted.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2009 at 10:55PM
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triggs43

The past week has been horrible for me, I cry every day, all the time. The pain and hurt and me missing her is so overwhelming, I can't stand it sometimes. It started when they came and picked up her hospital bed and it hasn't went away. I don't know if it's the over amount of questions that I have from whatw went wrong to even when I think good thoughts I still cry. I miss her soo much! I decided to not change her room, instead I use it for my office and I put my computer desk in there. It was painted purple and pink with purple curtains. Even though she was 21,purple was her favorite color and she loved her room. It reminds me so much of her. Is this wrong of me? I know that time heals but it's hard to get there.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2009 at 9:22PM
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sylviatexas1

If that pink & purple room gives you comfort & makes you feel closer to her, move that computer in there & enjoy it!

& when the day comes, maybe sometime soon & maybe further in the future, that you think, "it's time to change the curtains/paint/whatever", go ahead & do that, too.

Take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2009 at 11:49AM
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