Over 10 years and I still miss my dad

threeoffourNovember 8, 2009

My dad died Dec. 27, 1998. He was 59. He was diagnosed with colon cancer just three years prior. It had spread through out his body.

It's been over ten years and I still miss him greatly. I was devastated when he passed away. And now with every other milestone or good thing that happens to me I become upset that he's not here to share and enjoy it with me.

I met my wife just a week or so prior to his death and they never had the chance to meet. I have since had three children. I become so angry and upset that my dad never got to see my kids and that they will never get to see him. Sometimes I feel like I traded my dad for my wife and kids. I know this isn't true, it's just how I would feel sometimes.

I am glad my kids still do have a grandfather in my wife's father, but every now and then it will hit me when my father-in-law is with my kids that their other grandfather isn't here. I talk about my dad with my kids and share memories about him, but it's not the same. I want for them to have their own memories of him and that can never be. It truly makes me sad. I know they would have loved him and he would have loved them.

My dad and I use to watch football games together every year. We were USC and Rams fans for better or worse. Game day morning, the moment I would wake up I would immediately get my dad or he would get me and we would watch the games together. STILL to this day during football season when I first wake up there is that split second of having that feeling of "I need to go get dad to watch the game."

The first few years after my dad past away I couldn't shake the images of him sick and dying in bed. It was about all I could remember when I would think about him. It was horrible. It took me over three years to be able to have a memory of my dad without flashing to images of him being sick.

I miss my dad. I miss him terribly. I want him back so bad. I want to yell and scream at someone and demand they bring him back right now! But there isn't anyone to yell at. He can't come back. There is less in this world with him gone.

Some people tell me it's in God's plan, but I don't see the benefit. My dad was a nice and caring man. He taught us kids to do the right thing even when the right thing wasn't the easiest thing to do. My dad, in a word, was good. People who met my dad liked him and if they didn't like him they loved him. I'm always left asking, like many of you with your lost loved ones, "why?".

The death of my father really rocked my faith in God. Since my dad died I'm afraid to pray. As silly as that may sound it's true. The last time I prayed I asked, begged and pleaded for my dad to be well and live. It didn't happen. And it isn't that MY prayer wasn't answered that shook my faith. My dad was such a good guy and gave God credit for everything good in his life. My dad was such a good example and ambassador for God. If God wasn't going to heal him..... then who?

When I was alone I would shout and yell at God. I would demand that he give my dad back to me. It felt good to yell, but I felt lonely and empty afterwards. Were my words falling on deaf ears? Then a great fear came over me, what if my words were falling on no ears at all? I don't believe that. I believe God heard my prayers, I just didn't like the answer I was getting back.

My kids help me get through life. They are what keeps me going. From time to time I would get terribly depressed missing my dad. Thoughts of suicide would creep in. BUT then I see my kids. They bring me such happiness and joy. There is no way I could leave them and put them through the grief of losing their father. They are what keeps what's left of my faith in God. I don't know why my dad had to die, but I know if I didn't have my kids I wouldn't have survived this long since my dad's death. I believe God knew I would be extremely devastated with the loss of my dad and that I would NEED my kids to make it through.

It has taken me over ten years not to feel guilty for going on without my dad. My dad never would have wanted me to feel that way. I NEVER told anyone how I felt. I'm the oldest son of four kids and I am the one my siblings look to. They would never guess that I had all these doubts. It has taken me over ten years to share these feelings with anyone and I'm doing it anonymously to strangers. But I needed to share. I needed to let someone know about the depression, the guilt and the thoughts. Sharing these things helps to let them go.

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10 years is way too long to keep these thought stewing in your system. Start TODAY with postive thoughts. Do you have pictures? Start a scrapbook, journal etc. Do you have other siblings? cousins? Remember the good times, and yes the bad times will be there, but ----
Did you ever go to a support group> No it is not too late because your feelings may help others. Check your church, YMCA, etc. Even though your children did not know their grandpa, you did, and talk to them about what you and Dad did, and talk to your siblings, Write things down, start a family history study. You mentioned you are the one your siblings look to----But who do you look to beside God? You need them as much as they seem to need you and let them know--Cry and laugh together.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2009 at 10:52AM
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Thank you for your reply. I am going to seek a support group. I have been having a hard time sleeping through the night. I think going to a support group and talking to others about my feelings will help.

Is there anyone else who has lost a love one in years past and are still having a hard time? I feel sometimes like I should be over it or be done with the mourning process. It's not like I haven't talked with family or my wife or that I haven't cried. God knows I have. I don't understand why I am still having such a hard time with this all these years later.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2009 at 5:25AM
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I can relate to many of your thoughts and feelings. My father died a little over a year ago at 86 and it's so sad he won't be able see me get married or have kids. I also miss the things we used to do or places we went together, and knowing we'll never be able to do those things again is very sad. I thought I was doing fairly well after a year, and that's with me by myself, without any relatives or close friends, just my mother 1000 miles away with her own medical problems with cancer. Then just a month ago she passes away at 74 and it's like I'm all alone in the world now. What little belief I had in a God has pretty much disappeared. I could understand taking someone quick like in a car accident, but both my mom and dad during their last 6 months were many times in pain. And thats not even mentioning the pain it causes the surviving parent and child, even if you are an adult. I can't believe any loving God would let this happen regardless of some master plan they say he has for us. For me at least it seems easier to cope with the loss by understanding they died from a medical condition that currently wasn't curable, but maybe 10 or 20 years later it will be, and not from a God. And maybe sometime in the future, probably not in our lifetimes, all diseases will be curable and nobody has to die from cancer, heart disease, AlzheimerÂs, etc. Just be there for your kids like your dad was there for you when he was around.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2009 at 9:29PM
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It has been a little over eight years since I lost my husband and the father of my children. They were 10 and 13 when he died. I still grieve for him and my children who have missed out on having their Dad in their life as they have grown and accomplished things. I still can't get over the fact of it being unfair that a good father was taken away and a family was broken. We did everything together and then it was just gone.. I have guilt too for being the surviving parent and he is not here to see them.. I have good days and have tried to move on, but having his children keeps me connected to him and always wanting him back in our lives, so I understand about grieving many years later, even if other people don't.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 11:05AM
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Buggy, I am so sorry for your loss. It saddens me to hear (read) about the loss of a loved one. I feel for you and your children. I can't imagine what you have had to endure.

Thank you for posting and your understanding about how it is to grieve several years later. It helped me.

I hope for good things to come for you and your children. Please take care.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2011 at 4:44AM
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It has been three years since my Dad passed who was in his 80's.

In the beginning, when I had thoughts and memories of him, it was very painful. A sharp reminder that he was gone.

I had three very prominent dreams which, I believe, were dream visitations. The last one, over a year ago, was very unpleasant. I awoke in tears. When I went to reach out to him in the dream, he pulled away very strongly and had a not so very nice look on his face.

I notice now that when he comes to mind, as I go about my daily routines, I appreciate the memories. I smile more often than not. Lately, because of circumstances in my family that were ongoing while my Dad was alive as well, I feel sad. Sad that some of my Dad's hopes and dreams never came true for him and our family.

I have not had a dream visit for quite sometime now.

Maybe my Dad will pop into a dream one day again.

I am looking forward to him visiting.

Hugs to everyone who is missing a loved one.

Take care all.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2011 at 8:31PM
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My dad also died dec. 27. but of 2010. cool huh. but calm down erbody gone die nd yu can either cry about it or try to move on meet some one new or change somethings around so its not like things are missing but that they have changed. I understand honestly but you really dont have a choice. Good Luck.

    Bookmark   March 23, 2011 at 10:38AM
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My dad died Jan 26th 1999 at 59 yrs old and my mother died 1988 at 44 yrs old. I still cry when I talk about them, I cannot seem to have a conversation about my mother without tears welling up. I started a family shortly after my mother passed and life got busy. I would have days where I would feel very sad and would put on some music that would remind me of her and I would cry until I couldn't cry any more and then I would feel better. That hasn't happened for a number of years now but it confuses me that I cannot talk about her without being emotional. I am much better about my father, but it can still happen that I tear up when I talk about him too. It is my understanding that I have unresolved emotions to deal with but in all honesty I don't know what they are and don't know how to find them.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 8:54AM
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My dad passed away in 1996 and it is so hard to still beleive he is gone he was 68 and that is just to young. I was an alcholic for most of the years he was alive and never got along with family but I have gotten clean since 93 and things were going well with my family and my dad was so proud of me that he was able to talk with friends about me. I left my home town from Canada and moved to USA as being Native I was able to do that. and have been sober now for 18 years and can not beleive how many years I lost. being close to my father.I think I have these feelings because I wish things could have been better now that my life is turned around 360 degrees but now he is not here and I miss him even crying while I am typing this that lump in my throat makes it so painfull to know he is gone. I think I might seek some counseling. why does God take the best ones and leave us the ones who are mean and hateful towards us because they do not know how to love sometimes I beleive God leaves others because we have not come to forgive them and he is giving us the time so that we do not have the pain like we do for the ones we really love and miss. I have issues with my mom she was very abusive to me and my brother growing up she never says she loves you or call or anything how can someone be like that is it that they have so much hate and pain that they know nothing else does anyone have any thoughts. I pray and ask God all the time when I was little went to church and asked God to make things better so when I went home I would have a loving mother. but it never happen maybe he was there to keep me alive through the ordeal. that is why I gave up on God and begin to drink so everyone would hate me and not want me around than I would not have to deal with anything.I am so glad now that God has come back into my life and hopefully maybe my mother might someday say she loves me and misses me. who knows only God knows.

I hope that God is taking care of my Father
I love you Dad

    Bookmark   April 27, 2011 at 12:17AM
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I lost my dad over ten years ago and I still miss him terribly it saddens me that he will never meet the kids I will have or my husband. He never saw me get my Phd and I hope I would have made him proud. As life goes on sometimes I am slammed with realizations such as; I stopped dreaming about him for over 5 years because he never aged and I kept aging which made me very upset and angry. A couple months ago I realized that I am couldn't think of his voice..... and as time progresses I am sure I will have other realizations. My only advice is take it in stride I think about my dad everyday and some days I still cry. I still miss him terribly but I hope I would have made him happy with the path I chose. Stay strong...

    Bookmark   August 20, 2011 at 1:33AM
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Thank you, Janice.

    Bookmark   August 20, 2011 at 11:44PM
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It has been over three years since my mom died and I think the thing that bothered me the most was that I felt SHE had been cheated. Cheated of living past the age of 64, of never seeing my grandchildren, cheated of not seeing her youngest child before she died.

I miss my best friend. So many things have happened since she left and I sometimes feel terrible that I cannot share them with her.

I had to change the way I thought of things and how they happened and why they happened. Because of my faith, the biggest realization for me was that I was grieving for ME and not for HER. Although I miss her tremendously, she totally deserves the rest she has now. She is only gone from my sight. I still see/feel her when I look at myself in the mirror, when I give advice to my siblings, when I interact with my grandchildren. I just SO miss her from my sight!

I try to keep her alive in the stories I share of her, the values I keep within myself, the way I treat other people. All of these things I get from her and the older I get, the more of them I see come out.

Loosing her has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and I sure hope I come out on the other side making her proud.

I have come to accept the fact that I will always miss her but I refuse to allow the depression of it to swallow me because she would be so upset by that.

Keep your chin up and know that you are not alone in your journey, your dad is still with you.....just close your eyes and remember his smile....he would be so proud of you :)

    Bookmark   August 21, 2011 at 6:03PM
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Lisa, Sorry about your mom and thank you for the kind words. The way you felt about your mom being cheated was exactly how I felt about my dad. Only you were able to realize that you were grieving for yourself and not for her. Until I read that I didn't realize that about myself and my dad. You are so right.

As simple as it may seem, you have really put some things in perspective for me. Something I didn't think possible with as much time that has past.

Your words have really hit home with me. Again, thank you so much.
Take care.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 4:27AM
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I haven't lost my parents yet, but I lost my 47 year old sister in Februrary and my 30 year old son in July of this year and I have had my faith shaken to its core. I cry for my son to be alive so I can call him or take him somewhere, but he isn't and I can't. My sister, on the other hand, I wouldn't want alive...she suffered so bad before her death from melanoma she is in a much better place. My parents are in bad health and at the end of their lives so I am anticipating losing them in the next couple of years, if they last that long. Their health has declined so rapidly since my sister's and son's death they could go at any time. I will be prepared for them to go. they have lived their lives and are not well. I will miss them but will not hate God for taking them when they go. They will be reunited with my son, sister and all who have gone before.
I am trying everyday to move forward in my grief journey. I have friends who check on me and if I feel like crying they let me or cry with me. I agree that 10 years is too long to feel the way you do.
I only had one grandparent growing up. My father's parents died before I was born and my mother's father died when she was just 19 months old. But from stories and pictures I feel that I know my grandparents even though I truly only knew one and she died when I was 9. And I still miss her. So your kids will be okay with one grandfather, as long as you let them know your father through stories and pictures.
As long as I walk this Earth I will talk of my son, he was a very special person who loved life and everybody he met, and everyone who came in contact with him returned the feelings. He was someone who made a difference in peoples'
lives just with a word or a smile. I feel blessed that I had the pleasure of calling him my son. I am so proud that I gave birth to such a wonderful person. I get upset that he isn't here to talk to, hug or see. It is a constant struggle for me to get through each day, but I am determined that I will.
Please seek some sort of counseling, I have tried but haven't found one that's right for me yet. I am going to try meditation to help relieve the anxiety that washes over me. Like you, on Saturdays and Sundays during football season the first thing I want to do is call my son and talk about the games coming up and what he thinks about certain aspects. It's hard for me to watch the games but I do and I find myself wanting to call hm and discuss calls or plays like we always did. It's going to take a long time to stop feeling this way.
I hope you can find peace within yourself and be able to move forward.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 4:37PM
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Hi Mattie,

My name is Ada, and I hope you come back to read this message.

Your post touched me dearly and I thought I would reach out to you and share some encouraging words. I noticed that you are still grieving the loss of both of your parents, but one thing is that grief is not a simple thing it is the most devastating experience a human can face. Many people around the world have shared your feelings of pain and sorrow and it doesn't help when members of the clergy, who claim to know the answer to "Why is there so much suffering?", say that it is punishment from God.

How farther from the truth could they be?? Consider this:

The Bible emphatically tells us that God feels compassion for humans who suffer. When his people, the Israelites, were enslaved in Egypt and mistreated by their captor, God told Moses: "Unquestionably I have seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt, and have heard their outcry as a result of those who drive them to work; because I well know the pains they suffer." (Exodus 3:7)

In fact, the most awesome privilege we have is the opportunity to become God's friend, and get to know his will so that we may live accordingly. God wants you to be his friend and He never disappoints his loyal friends. Psalm 18:25 says: "With someone loyal you will act in loyalty, with the faultless, able-bodied man you will act faultlessly".

Learning about God will teach you how to be happy and secure; He will free you from many wrong beliefs and harmful practices. He will listen to your prayers, and help you to enjoy inner peace and confidence. (Psalms 71:5; 74:28) God will support you during times of trouble. (Psalms 18:18)

Challenging as it may be, working through grief will help you move on with your life. Do not feel guilty, as if by moving on you would be betraying your loved one, or as you mentioned, forgetting them. The fact is Mattie, that you will never forget your parents.

On certain occasions memories may come flooding back, but gradually the symptoms will ease. You will be able to recall bittersweet memories with ease and reflect on valuable lessons learned while you were with your loved ones.

Memories of your parents can be the very tool you need to help you to move on. You will never truly get over your parent's death, but you don't have to let it dominate you. Mourn and grieve as you must, but don't forget that you still have to make the best of the life that is ahead of you.

It is my sincere hope that we may speak again Mattie. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me.

Lots of hugs,


    Bookmark   November 22, 2011 at 9:36AM
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I can't believe this...I googled ''I miss my dad'' and your post was the first result. My dad passed away on the same date, eight years ago...and I still miss him so much. I have very vivid memories, I keep thinking about him in every situation... I cry right now. I am trying to find the reason...and I think I've found one. When I found out he died, I was in shock...I was only 24 years old, studied in another city. My mom didn't want to tell me 'till I come home. So at the same day...that shock, next day funeral...and all that time I was so strong because of my mother. I never cried in front of her, I was trying to help her to get through that loss. And, I believe, all that grief inside of me is finding its way to get out, on the surface ...all these years.

I understand you, and I know that we can't just wipe them out of our lives and heart...I don't want to let him go from my feelings and thoughts.

I do apologize for my English.


    Bookmark   June 28, 2013 at 9:24PM
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My Dad passed away in 2010. He suffered a stroke a year before he passed. I took care of him for over a year. He was incapable of doing anything for himself. It breaks my heart to think about that year of watching him deteriorate. It breaks my heart to think about how his pride and dignity was stripped through the process. It makes me feel guilty for opting to do a surgery on him when he was unresponsive. I didn't want to be a part of making his life decision. If he didn't have the surgery, he would have died that same week of having the stroke but because I wasn't a better advocate, he suffered for over a year. He didn't deserve that. It hurts having to grieve through the guilt. I asked him if he was mad at me and he said "No" but I knew that's not the life he wanted. It breaks my heart knowing he's missed a lot. It saddens me to know I will never see him again. My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage and it hurts me thinking that my Dad won't be there to share that special day with me. Every time I think of having children, it saddens me to know he won't see me be a Mom one day. Time is moving forward without him but I still feel lost in my life without him. I speak about him every day... not a day goes by that he's not thought of. I'm balling my eyes out just writing this. I just miss him sooooooo much and I wonder if I will ever be ok? I wonder if the heartache will ever fade? It just hurts too bad and it's been 3 years and I can't get over it. He was my best friend.

I Miss You Dad. 3

    Bookmark   September 19, 2013 at 1:45AM
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i lost my dad a month ago, he was 62. he wasn't answering my calls for the whole day, so i got suspicious and went over to his house and found him dead on the kitchen floor. i'm having a very difficult time dealing with this. at first, guilt was eating me up, and it still is. i keep thinking how it's my fault that he was alone, my mom was out of the country during that month. i also think it's my fault that i didn't look after his health properly. he was diabetic, and had high blood pressure, but he was on meds, and everything was stable. besides his meds, he was very careless about his lifestyle and eating habits. he ate all sorts of unhealthy food, and never exercised. i feel really bad that he died alone and than no one was there to help him. i can't the image out of my head, and i'm having difficulty sleeping at night. i dream about him almost every night, and everytime i'm alone i phase out and think of him. i keep imagining that there must have been a better way for him to die, a better time at least. i feel that if he was sick for a while, then at least we would have all been prepared, even him. he just left, and i don't understand where he went. i still don't understand the concept. i don't believe in god, and i'm having a very hard time understanding what happened. i'm in a serious relationship now, and would probably get married soon. i feel really bad that he will not be there at my wedding, because i know he would have been so happy to see me married. he will never meet my kids, and i just can't seem to swallow that idea.

it's still less than a month, but it just seems to get worse, and i'm afraid i would still be like this for years. i feel hopeless and helpless. when i saw him dead, i felt completely powerless, something just happened and i had absolutely no control or power to change things. i felt like i wanted to go to some person or department and object, telling them there must have been a mistake, telling that it was too soon.

i don't think if things will get better, and i just seem to be trapped right now.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2013 at 7:32AM
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My father died over 8 years ago. I am not religious in the conventional sense, but I think still spiritual. Sometimes when I tell my children stories of him or talk about him to others I cry. I don't care. My father is with me in my heart and thoughts all the time. I love to dream about him. When I awake, I feel like we visited. I share my joys and my challenges with him. I still can hear his advice and feel his happiness in my children and in me. I am second in five and my dad was an only child. He loved (loves) us children so much. We were his reason for living. That, and helping other people. He always thought of others, the best way to do things, how not to harm the earth and its inhabitants. The tears are streaming down my face. I miss him so. He says it's okay, he understands and he's right here. My heart aches...It's a different relationship, not preferred, but he's right here.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2013 at 2:40PM
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I've never been the same person since my uncle died Christmas Day 2003
He was 42 and was more like my brother
He died of a brain tumour
It has devastated me and I have never got over it.
At the time of his death I was just over 6 months pregnant with my eldest daughter.
I get so upset all the time
A year after my grandad died
We were so close he was practically my father as I lived as a child with my grandparents.
We had such a strong bond and spoke 2-3 times a day on my way to and from
Work and on an evening.
I think the toll of his son dying took him
We never said goodbye
But I'm left with nothing
I have my two daughters and I love them dearly
But it does not cover my severe heart ache
I sob like it was yesterday
I remember it all like it was yesterday.
I have no family around
I have to put on a brave face for Christmas but I hate the day
But my nearly 10 year
Old and 7 year old have no idea.

I get myself in such states that I just want to be with them and can't take anymore

    Bookmark   November 19, 2013 at 6:26PM
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I'm so sorry.

Dana, please reach out to someone 'in real life' for support;
I know you miss your uncle & your grandfather, but you're missing them *worse* because of the isolation you're in.

Nobody can do everything.

We all have to have some kind of 'web' of support, & you're coping as best you can without a web, without a net, without any help at all.

& you have your 2 girls to consider, to honor, to nurture:

Your daughters are the next living links in the chain of your grandfather's life & (I'm guessing) your uncle's as well as your own.

They are the living legacies of your beloved men.

Please take care of yourself & nurture & shelter these little legacies.

    Bookmark   November 27, 2013 at 4:48PM
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I know this post is 5 years old but I still just had to reply. I feel EXACTLY the same way! I cannot even get over it...it's been over 20 years since I've lost my father. I am 29 years old now. It seems I try so many things to "move on with life" and the more I try it seems the more I am going downwards with life. I hope your father rests in peace and you get peace as well because I totally understand how it feels to lose a father.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2014 at 7:08PM
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My father was diagnosed with cancer March 20, 2013. He passed away 21 days later. I've moved in with my m because she has dementia. Mom talks like he is still here. It's so hard. I'm coming up on the one year anniversary and the only way I want to spend it is in bed crying. I can't because I have to care for mom. I'm mad at him for leaving me. I use to talk with him quite often. We did house projects together together. Once he asked me to help him fix the toilet (he was legally blind from MD). He said it's a 5 min job and of course this was on a Friday night after a long week of work, but I never said no. We started at 6. Finished at midnight. 3 trips to Home Depot! Gosh I miss those days so much. Today I went though his closet and took his close to the good will. So hard to do. I did keep one shirt for me :) I just couldn't give everything away. I don't know how to get through this pain. Dads gone, my mom is only here in body. They were married 66 years. In many ways I'm sure the dementia has made the grieving easier for her. God please help me, please ease the pain in my heart I just don't like life with my Dad. Please hear my prays. I know I've not prayed often, I've always said "help others" I will handle my own problems, but this one is too much for me. I'm turning it over to you dear lord to help me get through it. I

    Bookmark   March 9, 2014 at 4:16AM
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I can't believe 10 yrs has passed since my dad was murdered. He was shot dead. It feels like yesterday. My heart still bleeds. It hurts just the same the day I found out. I miss him everyday. I cry, I cry, I cry. I can't talk about it without feeling like half of me is missing. I feel lost. I am lost. I am forever changed. Temporarily happy, forever sad. I have my own family, but I feel incomplete. i don't know how I will ever feel complete. I prayed and prayed and prayed. The pain never went away and it gets worse each day. What is there in praying? How do i know that God is listening? How do I know that he even exists? Why is there sickness, why does do people die horrible deaths? So many suffering, so much pain in the world. I miss my dad everyday. I need him to guide me, to walk with me, to talk to me and tell me everything will be alright. People say it will be alright all the time - what does it even mean???? Does it mean things will be better? How can things be better when you lose someone you love so much and you know they are never ever coming back? How will that be better?

I miss my dad. It has been 10 years and I miss him everyday.

I love you Papa. Everyday.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2014 at 12:25PM
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Amazing that this thread is still going five years later. I'm glad to see it. I lost Dad almost 30 years ago - nearly half my lifetime - and, no, I haven't gotten over it. Most of the time that's okay. And, though infrequent, I still have times when I cry about it.

"Getting over it", imo, is something you do with a job loss. Not with a parent who you loved and who loved you...and who's part of your very soul.

Dad wasn't perfect. He tended to marry gold diggers. Three of 'em. He had and was treated for what we today call bipolar disorder. He had prostate cancer. He was an alcoholic who found and stuck with his recovery for 12 years. Only as I got older and gained perspective did I recognize how many things he'd done to protect me and encourage my interests, despite his drinking...and, yes, despite the gold diggers.

He wasn't a firefighter. He wasn't a public figure. But the man is MY hero.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2014 at 7:11AM
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Glad to see this thread still going.
My father died 12 years ago at age 57. He definitely had his flaws as a father but because he recognized this and tried to make up for it , he is my hero.
I never thought it would still hurt so much all these years later. Never thought a song on the radio would take me from being as happy as can be to uncontrollable sobbing . Always thought I was alone and didn't know there were others. I never realized how subcontiously I was always trying to make him proud and terrified of failure even though he always asked me to live my own life . I can usually be happy with memories and thoughts of him if I'm with my wife or my dog.
So many of you have posted similare experiences. Knowing my own pain I am deeply sorry for loss but grateful for you sharing .

    Bookmark   May 5, 2014 at 6:55PM
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Its great to see i am not the only onewho still struggles with the loss of my father. My father was the best man around. He was a single dad. He raised my older sister abd I the best he could. He knew we would be better off that way.

My parents relationship was perfect at first. My father lost his brother in a freak accident which changed him forever. He began dranking a lot, He was never violent that was just a coping mechanism. That then put a lot of distance between my mom and dad. My mom got fed up and started doing the same. They ended up divorcing, dad got himself together and kept us girls. And mom moved on. I remember her coming home from the bar late all the time. me crying because she was gone all night long and dad kicking her out. But man did he love her, he very rarely would date other women, because he had us and would hope mom would get herself together and come back. Both of my parents are functioning alcoholics, they would still go to work, make sure we had everything we needed. Just mom she had other priorities. Dad was at all of our school functions. Dad did everything for my sister and i.

Daddy got sick of the city life and moved us over 3 hours away. Mom got a new house and stayed in the city. We would come to visit her a couple times a year. My relationship with my mom was not as good as it could have been and still isnt. She gets offended when all of our childhood memories consist of daddy and not so much of her. Daddy taught us to be polite respectful young women, but still taught us other things like shooting and loading shotguns. He worked very hard to raise us but we never had a luxury lifestyle. My sister is 5 years older and has always been like a mom. Daddy did the little things to show us he cared, like tucking us in, kissing us good night every night, getting us a cake every birthday, making us feel special.

He passed away at 38, it was 16 days after my 12th birthday. He went in for a simple procedure and never came back. It was the hospitals fault but my grandma couldn't go through with suing the hospital, she lost her only 2 sons and husband within 10 years. My mom then rushed to get me ans bring me to live with her. My sister stayed up north to finish school, she got in trouble and kicked out of school then had to come live eith us too. She met a guy shortly after moving with us, graduated high school and moved in with him. My mom didnt know how to be a mom. I kissed her goodnight like daddy used to kiss us and that lasted a week because she seemed uncomfortable. I love my mom dont get me wrong but she is not affectionate. On my 20th birthday i asked her what we were going to do and she said she had no plans. I may sound like a brat for still wanting cake on my birthday but i called my sister bawling because daddy would of never done that. Needless to say sissy came to the rescue with cake =)

I am now 23 . I still cry about daddy. I think about him night and day. I try to impliment everything he taught me into my daughters life as well as my niece and nephew's. But my niece Layla and nephew Jay ( named after daddy) know him all to well. I know he is still with us spiritually. Some people may not believe me but he visits all of us all the time. My daughter is only 2 so doesn't talk well. But jay and layla tell us about their visits with him. Jay toldy sister one night daddy stopped by to check in and jay said to her dont worry mom i told him you love and miss him. It amazes me, Jay being the oldest can look through pictures he has never seen of daddy at any age and can pick him out in every picture. Layla tells us how grandpa from far far away comes and likes to listen to her sing. Some of the may be irrelevant to most but its proof our loved ones are still with us even after they pass and i can truly say i believe theres life after death. I wish i had one more day, one more laugh, one more hug and one more kiss.

I feel i will never be able to completely move on and i suppose i am ok with that. Until we meet again daddy.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2014 at 11:33PM
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â 2 pm, I still trying to sleep but I canât. I wake up and walk into garden, and I see my Dad.
He canât sleep too. âArenât you asleep either?â he whispers.
Then We talk about something I still not remember now.
After that, he takes me on his old motorcycle along Font-beach. I can feel warm from his back and wind from the sea. I fell asleep on his back.â
Iâve dream about that night again and again during the past years. The following morning I awoke in tears. Memories of him, it was very painful. A sharp reminder that he was gone. It has been 6 years and 362 days since my Dad passed. 6 years and 362 days, Iâm still learning to live a life without my dad.
Last year my Mom and my sister immigrated to USA, Iâm left as too old. So that, in the 7th anniversary of my Dadâs death, Iâm alone. I feel so sad now. I canât help remembering my Dad, his face, his smile and his voice. Itâs too hurt.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2014 at 8:40AM
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My father died in 209, my Aunt in 2010, and my Mom in 2012. I have a full life - sometimes too full with busy work - but I find myself at times in a storm of grief. I started waking up in the night earlier this week and it feels like the terrible burning chasm in my heart had reopened and I can't close it again. I just cannot believe I can't talk to my Mom. I miss her more than I can bear. And she is completely irreplaceable. The longest love of my life, and gone forever (in her form on earth). I couldn't sleep tonight for missing her. I do think, rationally, that there are triggers. I am working too hard, not spending enough time with friends, and a close friend passed away last fall. But my Mom, who led bereavement groups, taught me the term "STUG," for "sudden transient upsurge of grief." It comes in a surge and feels as vast as the ocean. There is no solution other than to kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn. How can we stop missing our parents? We cannot - we have to miss them commensurate with the depth of our love for them. But we also must care for ourselves and our loved ones here on earth. As they would wish. So we suffer, cry, breathe. And continue on.

I love you my Mom.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2015 at 9:15AM
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My father died at the same age; 59 years young. He also died from cancer; brain cancer. I'm 23 years old, and I feel like my life is somewhat deteriorating around me while I attempt to keep it together. It's tough, but I think about my dad and I feel a dim yet pulsating urge inside me to keep going; I do it for him. Whenever I feel melancholic or just downright depressed, I just want to talk to him. I want to ask him for advice, or to just give him a hug and have a conversation with him about anything and everything. He was a wise person in his own away, that kind of wiseness that formulates with one's age. I feel like my father was born to be my father as selfish as that sounds, but he had a more or less turbulent life in which there was always a hole inside of him that could never be filled due to the fact that he never really had a father of his own. He provided to me, above and beyond, what he never had as a child and even as an adult. My father showed me what the true definition of love is. I try not to think about him too much or else I easily break down like water on sugar. I think of all of the wonderful memories I had with him, yet the bad seems to always outweigh the good; it's a double edged sword. I wish there was more that I would've said to him...

    Bookmark   March 2, 2015 at 2:12PM
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Go ahead & say it now!

Turn down the lights, put on some soft music (or not, depending on how you work best), light a candle, sit comfortably, focus your mind on the candle flame.

Concentrate on breathing until you are peaceful & focused.

then speak.
    Bookmark   March 3, 2015 at 6:27AM
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