My dream visits for you to read

CariJoNovember 19, 2005

Since my brother Danny died, nothing has given me more hope in the afterlife than the dream world. Here is some stuff I have written about dreams, and the dreams from my dream log that he showed up in, or that I felt were visits to a place where he might still exist. The dreams are not in chronological order, but the ones I know were visits with my dead brother are first.

I'm convinced that the dream world is related to consciousness, the soul, and by extension awareness after physical death.

Take my dream about being able to breathe underwater. Or maybe you have a dream you can fly. My current hypothesis is that you take your spirit form when you dream, only you don't have full access to the spiritual realm, because you are still connected to your body. Maybe that is why weird stuff happens and you can't control it. But if you dream you can fly, or some other super power, and it seems so real and cool, well I think that is because when you take your spirit form in the spirit world you are absolutely not limited. It's all about projected thought on the other side. Maybe that's why Heaven is so heavenly: all you have to do is think it, and it will be. Maybe all a spirit needs to breathe underwater is one little pocket of air. But when you dream you are not in conscious control, and many times you project things from your physical life into that world, and they don't mesh in any sensical way.

The connection between the physical world and the dream world is mysterious and intriguing. Remember, the ONLY way to accurately record a dream is to write it down IMMEDIATELY upon waking, before your conscious mind has a chance to analyze or lie.

May 2005

****I dreamt about danny last night! It was when I slept after that huge party at our house, a party he would have enjoyed. In my dream, my mom was driving. He was in the passenger seat, and I was in the back. I remember marvelling that he was there. He was so there. I put my hand on his shoulder. He turned his head and I could see his smile. I could hear him laughing. We were all so happy together.****

I think he's been frequenting my dreams. The other day I was napping on the couch, and when my little sister came home I shot up and said "Danny"?!

This is the first time I have been able to remember a dream of him, though I have asked him to visit me many times. I bet we hang out all the time while I'm sleeping. I think my memory of these visits must be erased in keeping with God's plan to keep us in the dark about the true nature of the Universe, so that we will seek Him out.

June 4 2005

A few nights ago I woke up at 7:30 am although I expected to sleep until noon calling his name. As I woke I felt like I was being yanked away from him. We visited again, I am sure of it. I practically fell off the bunk bed to reach my laptop, but the encounter was already receding into my subconcious. It was so nice to be with him again, even if his message was disconcerting. It felt good to cry and be held by someone who knows what it feels like to lose 2 members of the immediate family. This is what I recorded.

****"What happened to my little brother"? I asked him. I looked into his face. He was crying. I was sorry for something I did. He was about 12 years old. I remember flying with him! Just lifting off and flying so high [in great leaps]. We had been laughing. I don't remember what made us go from happy to sad. But I pushed him away verbally and sat on some steps to cry. When I opened my eyes, he was sitting next to me, so comforting. The look in his eyes... they were not the eyes of the young boy I knew. In fact they weren't his eyes at all, they were blue and burned red from pain. I think they were my father's eyes. "What happened to my little brother..." I asked him. "I thought he died". And then it felt so good because he wasn't dead, we were together and we talked. I don't remember about what.

The place we were flying in was a big hall with high ceilings.****

Last week:

****Buddy boy was back. I was amazed as he walked up. It was wonderful to see him again. He had a tag from the vet around his paw. He was purring and being himself. But I thought he was dead? I was having a hard time reconciling his presence with the fact I knew he was dead. My mom said she had left him at the vets on the other side of town. He must have walked all the way back to her house to be with me!

Gathering at my mom's house. Everyone was there, even my dad, which was strange. I thought, if Buddy boy can be alive, then maybe Danny is too. Amongst all the people, suddenly, he walked in! Oh my god!! My whole world just about collapsed. I was crying and getting hysterical. I went to talk to him.

"Danny, Danny I thought you were dead! Danny... it's been so hard this last year and a half. I can't believe it isn't true"! I cried. Then I got kinda angry. "Just what the hell is going on???" I was so confused. It seemed as though there had been some kind of hoax - and I couldn't get Danny to talk much, it was mostly me talking. I pulled him aside for a private conversation and again told him how hard it's been thinking he was dead. "Cari, I'm not dead, I'm fine, I'm right here" was all he said. He wouldn't answer me when I asked him the question that's been burning in my mind..."would you still be this messed up if you thought I had died"? And I hugged him, and it felt so good....

I wanted to tell my mom and Derek about Dan but they already knew. Nobody seemed surprised but me. I saw everyone going out the front door, Danny going with my Dad. After everyone left I was travelling.... back to my dorm in Seattle. The whole way I was thinking how I would tell my friends that Danny wasn't really dead. It was joyous news so I didn't care if it made me look like a liar. ****

Jan 20 2005

I just recorded a dream, that I woke from feeling it slipping away. This dream is significant! It concerns the ocean, and whenever I dream of the ocean or water, I know it means something. I think this dream really was a visit to the other side!!! I can only remember a small fraction of it, but on the other side it was so rich and detailed. And who were these people I don't know? I felt that Manupi was such a deep character, there's no way i could have made her up. She was real. The passion with which she spoke was real. I wish I could remember more of what she said. She had a weathered face, dreadlocks..... some kind of native attire, neckalces... and the warmest smile I've ever seen. Also, I remember spelling her name when she told it to me, more than once and with deliberation (so I would remember???).

****".......................... For black people, more p o r n has been made than any other genre of film. Forgive me, for I am about to cry".

I watched Manupi give this lecture in a crowded room, with natives and Weterners alike in the audience. Our party also had a small child - two African women parented her. And since we (my mother and I) had suffered loss, we were each permitted a dog. The puppies turned out to be a lot of trouble! They were messy, and prone to jumping off high places. I saw an image of my mother, young, and happy about the dogs, which struck me as odd - they had messed everywhere in a lovely home and torn things to shreds.

I had asked Manupi if she wanted to come with us back to the ocean, for she had become my special friend. But she gracefully declined and as I watched her deliver the lecture stirred with passion, I understood why. At the same time, or perhaps out the window, I saw a storm take the ocean. The shore we had so recently occupied was bare, dark and turbulent. Huge, huge waves slammed the nearby cliffs. Farther out, I could see the enormous swells forming. Even farther, and the sun was shining through speckles of rain and people were surfing on the gentle, perfect waves.****

April 2005

Cast of Characters

Hanna - my precious 12 year old sister, my last remaining sibling

John - my child molesting uncle

Derek - my drug addict ex boyfriend

Ronnie - my big brother who died of Leukemia 9 years ago

****Nooooo! I was trying to sleep, but I heard my mother talking. "Grandma says she wants John here, that she won't let them have any more money unless they get him here. He's best equipped to care for .... dying..... let him watch over Hanna.

I flung myself violently out of bed. "Are you CRAZY!? He's the last person we should have care for Hanna. What's wrong with you?"

Later, I heard them talking again, this time about Derek dying. She was making.... some sort of funreal arrangements. She was taking something off the floor. I grabbed her and shook her, but it was so inneffectual. I demanded to know what she was talking about, but she wouldn't tell me.

"What! Calm down. We all knew when Ronnie was going to die. The time has come".

Ronnie was there - I felt his presence very, very strongly.****

I hope that if you read this, my thoughts about the connection between dreams and the continuity of the soul (which aren't very organized, I apologize) can help you with your own faith that you will see your loved ones again.

Here is a link that might be useful: pics of me and my brothers

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I'm so glad that you are getting comfort from your dreams, Cari Jo. I do believe that many times our dreams are true connections with those who have gone before us.
I wish I could dream about Mom. My husband had a real comforting dream about her, but I haven't yet. I know I will, though.
I love your pictures!

    Bookmark   November 21, 2005 at 6:34PM
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Hi Cari Jo,
I came here because of my first Thanksgiving without my brother. I read your post and I would like you to know that I have many dreams of my brother too. Most times, I can only remember bits and pieces of it and I usually wake up both sad and angry...angry because I can't remember too much of the dream. Take care

    Bookmark   November 24, 2005 at 5:59PM
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