Just lost my mother.

bruce25November 8, 2007

My mother passed away on October 7th, 2007 from heart dysrhythmia. Not even four months ago, my best friend lost his mother to breast cancer, and two months previous to that, my other friend's mother had a brain hemorrhage at her daugthers wedding in Florida and passed away. After going through the trials that those deaths brought to my door step, it seemed as if I was already prepared to lose my mother. When I found out that my mother had passed while at work, I cried. Ever since then, however, it seems like it's harder and harder to show emotion over the subject, which makes me feel like a complete and total ass. I don't understand how the most important person in my life can be gone, and for some unknown reason, little to nothing can make me so emotionally upset over the matter.

I think that part of the reason that I haven't really become overwhelmed with emotion is because I'm still living in our house and I've yet to get rid of her car, three weeks after she's passed. Coming home everyday reminds me of her, while seeing her car there gives me a false sense of hope, like walking in the door I'm going to see her sitting there reading the newspaper, napping, or watching Dr. Phil.

I don't really know what to do to make myself believe that my mother is really gone. I've sought out my friends and my aunt who have all lost their mothers young, but I seen this forum on google and figured a larger group of individuals who know what it's like would be able to help.

Any suggestions to help me move forward and come to grips with reality?

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doc8404

Dear Bruce25,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the passing of your mother.

Evey one of us grieves at our own pace and in our own way. I see nothing unusual about your reactions or lack of outward signs of grief. You are just in the early stages of whatever path you are going to take.

Three weeks is not long at all to have not taken action to get your mom's things to whereever they are going next. I urge you to move very slowly in cleaning up her car, clothes, etc. You need to give yourself more time to decide these things and you really don't want to hurry. You may take some actions that later you will wish you hadn't done.

I was like you - very little outward emotion when my wife passed. I knew I would upset my young sons if I cried or was sad. But, it eventually came and still strikes me whenever it wants (it's been seven months). Odd things like a sound or smell can do it. You never know.

The idea that it's hard to believe she's gone is a common one. I still can't believe it some days and I expect my wife to be somewhere close just out of sight.

Your mind does things to protect itself. For you, this may be one of them. You sound normal to me!

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Best wishes,
Doc

    Bookmark   November 8, 2007 at 8:10AM
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lulie___wayne

I agree totally with what Doc said. My daughter has been gone for almost 10 years and my mom has been gone for 3 years and it is still hard to believe that they are really gone. Grief comes in little doses sometimes. It is built in self preservation. If the grief consumed us all at once, it would be unbearable. We have to take it as we can and our bodies know how much we can absorb.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Website

    Bookmark   November 9, 2007 at 12:25AM
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