mojo1937October 18, 2006

My sweet husband is 80 years old and I will soon be 70. We know that our days are numbered and we accept it. We go about our daily lives and enjoy each other's company as much as we can.

We would like to know if after the death of a partner would it be best to put away all pictures, clothes, etc. of the one who has passed on?

A doctor on TV said it is best to pack away everything and place the boxes in storage for a year and then decide what to do with the items.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Thanking you in advance.

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Hello Mojo
We lost my dad almost a year ago and my mom made alot of changes. She moved out of her apartment and lives with me. It wasnt the best move because now she is in a deep depression. Then we got rid of my dads dog because my mom didnt want to care for him because she is not in the best shape. We donated my dads clothes to the local soup kitchen. He always liked helping the homeless. Now my mom just baught a new car and we got rid of there old one. Everything holds memories. She put his pictures away because she said it hurts to look at them. All of there belongings are in a shed in my yard. I dont know what the best answer is to tell you. I guess you just have to do what is comfortable for you at that time. I am sure my mom will never use there stuff again. The only thing she keeps close to her is his tools. But that hurts her too. I dont know if that helps you or not.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 9:49AM
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I lost both of my parents within the last 1 1/2 years. I lost my Mom 7 months after my Dad. It comforted my Mom as well as all of us to have Dad's things around. Removing their things won't get that person out of your heart and head. I think the important thing is that you don't make any major decisions for a year following the death, like moving. I'm glad you two still have each other. Treasure each moment together. That is what life is all about. Seize the moment before the moment is gone. May you have many more happy days ahead of you together!

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 3:04PM
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Mojo, my husband died when I was 51 and I never missed a beat. It was hard the first 2 years but life goes on. I'm still in the same house and his pictures are displayed. He was part of my life for 27 years and I like the memories. I now have grandchildren and we talk of him often, never remarried.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 4:24PM
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I too, agree that you shouldn't make any hasty decisions. They say that after a spouse dies, you should wait at least a year before making major decisions such as selling property, etc.
As far as their belongings it is up to each individual as to keep or get rid of certain items. Some people want to keep their loved ones' things around and others do not.
It has been 8 years since my daughter passed away and it is just now getting a little easier to get rid of a few things. My practical mind tells me that if I don't, my son will have to deal with it when my husband and I are gone, and I'd rather others benefit from her clothing etc. now, rather than them ending up in a trash pile somewhere. My son of course, cherishes her things also, but in reality, I know that he can't hold on to all of her personal items for the rest of his life either. I will definitely keep the items that are most treasured to us, but I know I will gradually get rid of the rest.
If you take picturs of items before discarding them, it makes it easier to part with. At least you still have the memory but don't have to store the item.
I hope I helped you, and I hope that you and your dear husband have many years of happiness left together.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 6:52PM
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Thank you all so much for your answers. You have been a big help to us.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 10:09PM
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I wear my dads shirts all the time now. I guess it kind of keeps me in the depressed mode, but I really like it because it was his. my daughters (8 years) love having my dads stuff around. they sleep and wear their special grandpas button up shirt. I will keep my dad deep rooted in our family. best wishes to you. (()))

    Bookmark   October 22, 2006 at 12:49AM
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I think some doctors should have their mouths duct-taped.

I've lost my parents, my husband, and one of my children. I can't imagine not having their photographs around, and some of their things. And if I were the one who'd died, I'd hate the thought of my family putting away my pictures and eliminating any trace of me, as though I'd never existed.

Of course it's an individual decision, as Lulie said. But my one piece of advice is not to get rid of anything too soon. Once it's gone, you can't get it back later if you change your mind.


    Bookmark   October 22, 2006 at 4:54PM
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pictures are our way of life. in fact, that's all we have on display in the lr. to remove them would be unthinkable.

what bothered me when my dad passed, was his chair! it was the first thing you saw whe you entered the apt. mother lived in at the time. i moved everything around, i could. it was just easier. but i made sure mother didn't make any major changes and took her time before moving. it was more forced than planned (the place was sold) thankfully she was able to buy a mobile home which she adored.

i love you're making plans of a sort. see what your children might like. my darling half sister went thru her house and had items with her kids and grands, names on them! it was rather funny...

things are still in place! it's been almost 7 years, and my niece has left everything "as is" for the summer renters who love and respect the home...

    Bookmark   December 6, 2006 at 11:06PM
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