Missing my family who passed away

Lddesign65October 18, 2012

In the past 5 years I have lost first my Grandfather then my Aunt, Step-dad, Grandmother, uncle then in February 2010 I lost my best friend, my mom. I still can not get through a day without crying because I miss her so much. Then on July 1st I got a call telling me to come home that my brother was in the hospital, I moved to another state to live by my mom. The day the moving truck got to my new house my mom passed away.. I go home right away to see my brother. The day I get there I am told by my family that he only had 3 days to live and that he was very sick, he passed away on July 4th, I miss him so much. My mom was only 67 and my brother was 50. I do not know what to do anymore...I feel like I am loosing my mind. I miss my family but I feel when my mom died that I died with her. I also filed for a divorce in 1999 and was finalized until 2008, the many many years of back and forth into court killed me mentally. Then in April of 2010 I go remarried. Just one week ago I found out that my husband cheated on my just before we got married and again after we got married. Why, why is this all happening. How can a person deal with this much pain and loss. What am I to do? If anyone has any suggestions on how to move on in my life and try and mend my heart please let me know. Thank you so much for reading this.

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girlnextdoornco

Hello,
I can't begin to imagine the pain you have gone through and are still dealing with. Obviously, I don't know what your belief or faith is...but I do know of a couple of books by Christian authors that might help you sort through your loss and begin the healing process. The first one is When Your World Falls Apart by David Jeremiah and the other is When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson. Sometimes it helps to read about how others faced tragedy and were able to find wholeness and healing. Other than that, I'm praying for you and wish I could give you a hug. I hope you'll let us know how you are doing.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2012 at 12:09PM
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Lddesign65

Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to write. I cannot tell you how much it means even if we have never met. I plan on going to the book store this weekend and start with the first book you recommended. I need something, someone or some how to make sense in all that has happened. I dont know how to go on and I dont know how to get by the hard times that I am going through with no one to talk to, so thank you for taking the time in your day to let me know someone out there cares... and ... thank you for the long distance hug. I will keep you updated as I read the book. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2012 at 11:01PM
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marie_ndcal

I would suggest some support groups and/or therapy. There are many kinds avaiable. Look in the paper, ask your medical staff, talk to different churches and start listing what they suggest. Don't take any one's word until you feel comfortable--you will know. Books are great but I know Dr. Dobson has some great ones. Go to the library and review what is avaiable, that way you will not spend alot of money. You can also check at thrift stores and used book stores. Do you have other relatives? Pictures? Photo Albums? Do a daily journal, and write something each day--but try to write one good thing, even if it is something like--I saw a pretty butterfly--Sounds like you might be going thru a second divorce. Get a good lawyer and one day at a time. If you do not work, try doing some volunteer work. I wish you the best.
Marie

    Bookmark   October 22, 2012 at 3:36PM
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Lddesign65

Marie,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I have been doing some research on so good books to read, thank you for the advice. I also called my insurance company today to get the name of a good therapist, I am hoping that will help. I do have 2 sisters, 3 sons and several very close cousins. I just feel so bad calling them and crying all the time. I know they are all there for me as I am for them but like I said I hate getting them upset by hearing me upset. Pictures? I think you mean as in my family that passed? If so yes I have thousands. The only problem I am having is I had to hide all of the pictures as I cannot look at any of them. I feel so bad for doing that, it just hurts so bad to see them. I think a journal would be a good idea thank you for that suggestion. It was so odd that you said "I saw a pretty butterfly", I say this because a few days after my mom passed away I asked her to please come and visit me, I knew that she loved butterflies so I asked her if she could come visit me as a butterfly. I cannot tell you how many times I have been out on my deck or any place where I was thinking or crying about my Mom when out of nowhere a beautiful butterfly appears! I know that sounds crazy but it helps me to think my mom is around me. It does look like I am going to be going through a second divorce, I hate to say that because I am so against them, I just dont know what other choice I have. I have a 2 year old granddaughter and 2 year old grandson that have become my whole world, I dont mind being alone and watching them grow to be wonderful people. Its also interesting that you talked about volunteer work as I have been doing some research for my area on volunteer work, I am hoping that maybe I can keep my mind busy and at the same time help someone else. I just wish I knew how long it will take until I can get by just one day without crying for my family that has passed. I love them all dearly but like I said for some reason when my mom passed I feel like my heart just shattered. Thank you again for your kindness and good advice. I will update on this forum from time to time to let everyone know how I am doing. I was reading other stories this evening and my heart goes out to everyone who is going through the same thing. I tried to write to a few but just as I started the tears started. Just please anyone who knows this feeling or who has lost a loved one, I am thinking of you and understand how bad it hurts. Thank you again... have a wonderful week.

Lorene

    Bookmark   October 22, 2012 at 10:25PM
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frugalwallflower

Sending a hug to those who are grieving, and a thought to encourage you to move beyond your grief when you are ready.

I once heard an idea mentioned when a woman talked about how she couldn't move on from the death of her teenaged daughter many years before. She was angry and sad and stuck in a bad place remembering her daughter's death. A male counselor asked her if her daughter would be happy with the way her mother had dealt with the daughter's death. The mother answered, no, her daughter would be upset that she had focused on her death and not her bubbly, vivacious life.

The counselor said that if her daughter could talk to her now she would instead wish her mother happiness and for her to seek out beautiful new experiences and smile when she remembered her daughter's life. That would make the daughter happy.

The mother went from feeling that she had to grieve to keep her daughter's memory fresh and alive, to smiling at the realization that she could remember her daughter fondly and choose to honor her daughter and move on in her life.

It's not a dishonor to a loved one's memory to move on. You can dishonor their memory by staying in the grief and focusing your life on the loss, and not the gift of having had your loved one while you did.

Your life's purpose is your gift for now. Think of ways you can honor your loved one with a smile and grateful heart. Make someone else smile or feel loved. Best wishes for finding that turning point.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 8:17PM
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