My Nephew Died

dottiebOctober 7, 2006

My nephew got killed in a car accident on September 17, 2006 His car ran off the road and it flipped from end to end. He was killed instantly.

The pain of grievance is so unbearable at times. We were so close. He was only 30 years old he had his whole life ahead of him. I have real mixed emotions. I even feel a bit of anger.I loved him dearly and will miss him being around and spending time to talk to me about anything. He played music he was a great keyboard player. I am a recoverying alcoholic so I was not comfortable going into the clubs and listen to him play. Now I wish I was strong enough to go hear him play. I feel so guilty. He was well known in his community.

I live with my sister. And this is her youngest son who has passed. My biggest pain is seeing her pain for the loss of her son. I dont know whether to comfort her or just allow her the feelings. I can not even imagine how she feels losing her baby. I dont have children so I will never experience this type of pain. And I cant tell her I understand Because I dont.She is just devasted. I know like mine her heart is broken. Can anyone give me advice on how I can deal with my grief yet be courteous of her feelings.My pain is so real but at times I feel it is just a nightmare. And he will be here tomorrow for a visit. I feel so numb. I will miss Christopher with all my heart. I was always around my sisters children a lot. She made the statement once because I couldnt have children she would share hers with me. I am bi-polar and on my meds regularly. But I am having a lot of racing thoughts about the accident,his death, letting go. I need some encouraging words. What can I do for my sister? Please help!!!


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The best thing you can do is listen to your sister talk--remembering Christopher, sharing her feelings, whatever she wants to talk about. Let her talk, and let her cry. Cry with her. And just because he wasn't your son doesn't mean your powerful grief is invalid. You should express to her your own anguish even tho' he was not your own son.

Dotti, you are in the earliest most horrible stages of grief and shock, but after things settle down a bit, try to do some things to lift your and your sister's spirits. Walk around the block, take in a movie, go to your nephew's favorite restaurant, visit friends, take a short trip, even if for a day, etc.

As for your health, please take great care to take your meds appropriately, and if you suspect they are not working properly, check with your dr. to see about any changes and adjustments. You want to keep yourself together now as much as possible.

I'm so sorry for this tragic loss. My heart aches for you and your sister. Take care.


    Bookmark   October 8, 2006 at 2:13PM
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I'm so very sorry for the loss of Christopher. I agree with what Susan told you. You and your sister are scratching the surface of grief right now. The best thing you can do for each other is to be there for each other to talk, cry, and share stoies. It may be helpful to together, think of ways that you two can memorialize Christtohper's life. Keep his memory alive somehow. You both are very lucky to have each other.
Different people grieve in different ways. Some people want to go visit all the places that their loved one loved. To others, it is very painful. You just have to see what she feels is right to her. It may take time. When my daughter first left, I wanted to follow her footsteps to some of her favorite places just to see where she had been, what she saw, etc. Now, I don't want to be around any of it. It hurts too much. You just have to do what you feel at the time.
I'm so sorry.

    Bookmark   October 9, 2006 at 1:41AM
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He was 3 days younger than my only son. He was like a 2nd son to me, being that they we 3 days a part. I can't describe my pain, because he was a nephew, that was my 2nd child. I can't grieve at my sister (which I am close too) I just want to scream some days!!!!

    Bookmark   February 6, 2011 at 10:19PM
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