almost a year

nikkiandjacksmomOctober 17, 2006

Today is 11 months since my best friend, my dad left to be with the Lord.

I miss him so much. I cant believe its almost a year that I havent spoken to him and heard his voice or saw his smile. My heart is aching. I will never be the same again. My dad was the spirit of our family. Nothing seems good anymore. I feel like I am just going through the motions of each day. I feel like a part of me went in the grave with him.

He was only 68 and died suddenly without any of us there with him. He had so much living to do yet. He had a cerebral hemmorage that caused a stroke. He was with us the nite before at my daughters open house at school. He was fine he was himself. Never in a million years would I have thaught that the next time I saw him would be on respirator and a dr telling us that he is brain dead. It seems like it cant happen to you. But then WHAM, it is like a brick house falling on you.

The holidays are coming and that was his time of year. He loved to cook dinner. He use to try to pursuade us for his christmas presents early. Or he would pick them up and shake or squeeze them to try to figure out what they were. God I miss that. Last holidays we went through the motions but its not the same.

Please pray for me. I dont know how to make it through the rest of my life without him. I am only 35, I probably have a good 30-40 years left (God Willing) to live. Thats along time to have a heartache.

Thankyou for listening to me. I just feel very blue today. Coming here and reading the posts helps me to realize that hurt is a part of life. Your stories really help me.

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jlj48

I am so sorry you are hurting so much today. I know how you feel, we all have days like this. And sometimes I go through spells which last many days, where I just can't get it together and I'm so, so sad. I miss my sweet Dad so very much too. I can't talk about how wonderful he was or I'll just sit here and cry. And my sweet mom. Don't get me started. I loved her so much. I lost my best friends within 7 months of each other.
I know the holidays are hard. I think because they will never be the same again and change alone is hard. Lu said it best when she shared how when you mentally prepare for the holidays, you do all the work before the day is actually here - bit by bit. Then when the day arrives, you just get through it, then it's done. I guess I just try to remind myself that death is a part of life. The deeper the pain, the more you love and were loved. And love, well you know. Love is a great thing. Take joy in the fact that you loved and were loved by someone great. Remember him with joy and pride. And live your life in a way that would make him proud. Hugs to you.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 3:11PM
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lulie___wayne

I also know how you feel. I'm so sorry.
I lost my precious mom and my precious daughter... my two best friends in the world.
As Joanie said, "Death is part of life". She is so right and when we love, we hurt. We do have to be thankful for that love though. So many can't say that they had wonderful parents, siblings, friends, spouses. Those of us who had these loving relationships are so very blessed even though we have to go through the agony of losing them.
We WILL see them again. Try to pretend that they are on a wonderful vacation... so good that they wouldn't dare want to come home. We will meet them later. I'm hoping that this is the way it is for them... and us. Take each day at a time. When the year anniversary date gets here, just do what you feel like doing. Don't put any pressure on yourself to do anything special. Bless you!
Lu

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 7:10PM
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nikkiandjacksmom

Thankyou for your posts. I always feel beter after I read them. Sometimes it helps to look at your situation throough someone elses eyes. I greatly appreciate your comments. A vacation sounds like a wonderful way to think of them on.
I will try to live my life to make him proud. If he could tell me anything, it would probably be not to cry for him and LIVE LIFE to the fullest because its short and sweet.
Many thanks to you
God Bless

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 10:19PM
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