Ridden with guilt over mom's loss
I came upon this site as I googled for help tonight. I cant sleep since I lost my mom a month ago.
I was in the US and my mom in India. This whole year she kept asking me to come pick her up as she wanted to be with me.
I couldn't make it back and asked if she would come with dad. She didnt want to come with dad. She had lost a lot of weight and I asked her to see a doctor.
In September they finally got her to see one. Found out she had hiatus hernia, bone cancer. She survived surgery but then had a heart attack when she got mad at my father. I was called at the last minute when she was put on the ventilator. The day I arrived my mom woke up and was off the ventilator. I total gift from God. She kissed my hand:-) Thank you God!
But now all I think about is the times I was mean to her. I don't know how to say sorry. I found the letters I had written to her in which I always apologized. But I wish I could get those days back and tell her I am sorry and how much I love her. Also her wish for me to come and pick her up haunts me. Wish I had done that. I think saying good bye would then be easier.
I know guilt is not a good thing. But I dont know how to overcome it or deal with it, when mom is not here.
I love my mom and want her to know that