Ridden with guilt over mom's loss

daysmittyOctober 19, 2009

I came upon this site as I googled for help tonight. I cant sleep since I lost my mom a month ago.

I was in the US and my mom in India. This whole year she kept asking me to come pick her up as she wanted to be with me.

I couldn't make it back and asked if she would come with dad. She didnt want to come with dad. She had lost a lot of weight and I asked her to see a doctor.

In September they finally got her to see one. Found out she had hiatus hernia, bone cancer. She survived surgery but then had a heart attack when she got mad at my father. I was called at the last minute when she was put on the ventilator. The day I arrived my mom woke up and was off the ventilator. I total gift from God. She kissed my hand:-) Thank you God!

But now all I think about is the times I was mean to her. I don't know how to say sorry. I found the letters I had written to her in which I always apologized. But I wish I could get those days back and tell her I am sorry and how much I love her. Also her wish for me to come and pick her up haunts me. Wish I had done that. I think saying good bye would then be easier.

I know guilt is not a good thing. But I dont know how to overcome it or deal with it, when mom is not here.

I love my mom and want her to know that

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I don't have all the answers as I lost my mother just over a week ago. She asked me to visit her about 3 weeks ago because she was getting weak. I didn't think she was in bad shape so I waited a week for a lower airfare but by the time I got down there she was too weak to even get out of bed by herself. She died one week later. I do feel guilty about not getting to her sooner, but believe she wouldn't want me to feel guilty about it.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2009 at 11:14PM
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Look in your area for support groups and grief counslours. One thing, did you do the best you could? That is what counts. You cannot look back. Baby steps and you will survive.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2009 at 10:50PM
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Feeling guilty is part of grieving. We all feel guilty about something. We all have regrets. I'm told from people who have lived through all this that eventually the sadness we feel is replaced with good memories of our Moms.

Try not to kick yourself too much. Your Mom knew you loved her and that's all that matters.

    Bookmark   October 28, 2009 at 12:48AM
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