Ladies... grieving and hormones?

sweeterthanhoneyOctober 26, 2008

Hi,

my mom passed away suddenly at 2:30 am July 30/08. She was 66 and we had only found out 11 day prior that she had lung cancer. The testing was not even all completed. 5 of those 11 days me and my family[dh and kids] were on a vacation.

Mom had been sick with bronchial issues and GERD most of winter and spring. She had smoked for 40 yrs, but had quit 10 yrs ago. She had numerous ailments and was gradually getting weaker before we realized something serious was going on. She lost alot of weight, but as she was over weight it wasn't noticable at first. She couldn't keep any meds and a lot of food down as everything just shot right back up. She could hardly walk across the room due to shortness of breath. She didn't want to see the dr, as everytime she was ill or depressed she thought she had cancer and was to scared to find out. This time she was right.

Dad took her to the Dr[walk in clinic] in June, and finally the dr took an chest xray. He said she had an infection and there "looked like there was a shadow" but he would show it to other drs. Make any appointment to see your family dr. She couldn't get on til 3 wks later. Our family dr had been away on vacation. When she finally got to see him he was VERY concerned. At first, he didn't even know WHY she was there! They didn't even red flag the results! From that single xray they could tell her right lung was partially collapsed and there was a growth.

With in a few days she had a CT scan and was told it was lung cancer. It didn't look good. No hope. She was so weak she didn't want treatments. On july 29th my dh and I and my dad took her to Wpg, 2hrs away, to see the specialist about a biopsy and he said she was extemely high risk and she probably wouldn't make it through. But, still, it was necessary. She signed the papers and we left to go home. I was so shook up, thinking that by the end of the next week she could be dead.

She died at home that night in my fathers frantic arms. We don't know exactly from what complication, and have to wait 4-6months for the autopsy results.

I too, didn't know I could hurt so much. This has been devestating for my family. My poor father is lost. My sister and I try and spend as much time as possible with him.

How. for my question... I find that when its about 1 wk before my period, and the week of it, I have a much more difficult time dealing with my loss. The other 2 wks are easier, but still I hurt. Do any of you other women find this to be true for you? Have you even thought of this? If not, watch this next month and see if it is true for you.

If it weren't for my faith in God and that I KNOW my mom is in Heaven and I WILL see her again, I don't think I could make it.

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darzie

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I feel your pain, my Mother died of lung cancer 7months ago. We found out Christmas eve and she died good friday.When I tell you I probably cried a river! I look horrible! Trying to get through my days are getting a little better but around my period I have constant tightness in my chest and I just want to hide from the world, so yes I do think it's worse.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 5:38PM
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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

One thing that helps is aerobic exercise, getting oxygenated blood to the synapses in your brain, & it's good for general "brain health", too.

If you can, do some aerobic work-outs that get your blood pumping, & if you can't, take some long brisk walks.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2008 at 11:28AM
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lisamelvin

You know.....it is sooo strange that I came here today. I lost my dear Momma on August the 9th of this year to lung cancer and I feel your pain, not a day goes by that I don't think about her and find things to share with her.

Yesterday and today have been quite difficult for me emotionally. I know I am approaching my cycle and my hormones are up and down and I know this is a contributor to how I have been feeling. I miss my momma sooo badly but there seems to be about a week a month that I am a complete wreck.

I have been trying my best to honor her and try to find the joy of living this "new" life without her and I feel I make progress until my hormonal cycle begins.

During this time I cry and cry and most of the other time I think of her and miss her but don't cry as much. I am very glad that I have the knowledge to know what is happening to me and I feel I am in control so I allow myself to grieve her.

Thank you so much for bringing this to the discussion boards, it is a key factor for women who are grieving.

Blessings to you and your family. Remember that love is more than a feeling and forever is more than a word. Your love for each other will never diminish or die.

Lisa

    Bookmark   November 2, 2008 at 2:01PM
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sweeterthanhoney

Hi Lisa,
Thanks for responding to my post. I had almost given up hope that anyone else was feeling the same way. My cycle just started and this past week wasn't good again. Yesterday I had a day of some pretty intense emotions.

I am not liking this "new normal" either. I miss mom so bad, and feel slightly ripped off that I can't share anything with her anymore. My daughter will be getting engaged shortly and I can't tell her. That is something you want to share with your mom! I have no one I can confide in anymore. It seems you never quit needing your mom, no matter how old you get.

I hope that it will get better for you soon, Lisa. Cry when you need too. Don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it by now. People who haven't been through it don't know anything about grieving.

I am so sorry you lost your mom too.

Blessings,
Bonnie

    Bookmark   November 4, 2008 at 12:07AM
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lisamelvin

Hi Bonnie,

Boy...the past week and a half has really been exhausting, emotionally. Hormones are the only thing I can think of to give me a reason why I hit such a slump. I have been trying really, really hard to be brave and put a face on everyday and it works for most days.

My Momma passed the second week of August and I started my cycle the same week I lost her. It seems that for the past three months when the first of the month comes my body & mind start playing tricks with me and I become a depressed, emotional wreck.

Gosh....I miss her SO much it is unbelievable.

I pray for strength for you to adjust to loosing your mom also. I thank you so much for your reply and your kindness & compassion. I pray it will get better for you too.

Blessings,

Lisa

    Bookmark   November 13, 2008 at 12:12PM
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anneclark

I think our Mom's helped us in finding this site to share with each other. My Mom passed on Sept. 24th from lung cancer. I see myself in all of your posts above except that I am 52 and may be starting menopause. I have been experiencing other physical issues. Fatigue, aches in the lungs and kidneys, tightness in the chest. Mentally, I can be fine and thinking I am doing good and then all of the sudden I realize something like, "Oh my God I will never see my Mom again, and my Mom will never see my sons marry or my grandchildren."
I find it so comforting to know that I am not loosing my mind. Others have some of the same feelings and fears.
I am sorry we all had to meet like this, but I am so relieved to have met you all.
Warm Hugs,
Gale

    Bookmark   November 15, 2008 at 8:39PM
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