Sister loses younger sister
I am 29 years old and I lost my 25 year old sister exactly one month before her 26th birthday, and 5 months before she was to stand beside me as my maid of honor at my wedding. Lindsay was like my twin, people who did not know us couldn't tell us apart, and we were often confused. She was with me all my life. She was my childhood tag along, middle school and high school tattle tail, and my college and adult best friend. We had been distant for a few weeks. I was upset with her, and she was a bit mad at me. We are both so stubburn. She and her fiance were on their way down to my fiance's beach house to be with my parents and littlest sister the week after Easter. They were killed in a road rage incident. Some crazy cut them off and slammed on the brakes. They swerved to miss him, hit the guardrail, flipped over the embankment, and were killed instantly. The driver sped off and has not been caught. I don't really know why I am writing this except to replay it in my head. I am now left with the guilt that we hadn't talked in a week and a million other thoughts that make me feel guilty. I am also left with moments where something happens, or I see something funny and the only person who would get it or feel the way I do is gone. I am afraid I will lose my memories of her. I am afraid period. Since her death there was a funeral to plan, a wedding to plan... I had to keep going. As of September 15th I have nothing to plan. Now I am sitting here waiting for the holidays to come, and knowing that I will be a mess. I guess my question is how do I live with this guilt, loss, saddness, and knowledge my sister left me after our 26 year journey together?