tommorow is thanksgiving here in canada. i know that i should have bought a turkey and all the stuff that goes with it, but i just couldn't, so we are going out for pizza tonight. people just don't seem to get "it", yes Al was bedridden for 10 years and I took care of him, gave him his meds and insulin 4 times a day, i also visit him now every day at the cemetary, but i miss him so much that it's almost ripping my heart out. my Al was one of those people depended on he was a good husband, how many people after being married 25 year can say they only had 2 minor fights? he coached every sport our kids were in and other parents requested that their kids be on the team that he coached. he didn't drink or do drugs or swear, he was just a wonderful person that everyone loved. i am so tired of hearing atleast he's not in pain anymore, and yes to be selfish i wish he was in pain and was here where he is supposed to be! i'm 51 and am not supposed to be without a husband, and today i am mad at him. i'm just worrying about Christmas, i'm thinking of cancelling that too, we have no relatives here except one of Al's sister's who is not speaking to us because of the way i planned his funeral (or i should say the way Al told me he wanted it). i just had to get this off my chest, so if you've read this thank you for "listening".