is everyone ok in here? i'm worried

dcrowexOctober 5, 2004

I havent seen any posts for a few days...is everyone ok?

I think of you all a lot in here and the grief that is shared by all.

Can everyone check in and let us know how you are doing?

deb

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Nell Jean

Well, Deb, it looks like you and I are the only ones who check periodically to see if anybody's been here. It's very thoughtful of you to post and inquire.

I'm okay. I hope everybody else is busy with the daily activities of life that keep us going on.

Nell

    Bookmark   October 5, 2004 at 7:05PM
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alisande

I check in here regularly, but haven't been home quite as much lately. I've started a new job, for one thing...and before that I was looking for one. :-)

Susan

    Bookmark   October 5, 2004 at 9:00PM
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dian57

I check in everyday and read the posts.

Sunday was the 4 year anniversary of Brian's accident and was rough for me. I came here several times but just couldn't form the words for my feelings.

Good luck with the new job, Susan.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2004 at 9:34PM
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Brycesmommy

I come all the time & just see how everyone is doing but I can never come up with the right words to say anything. I am doing OK though. As good as I can be right now I guess. I hope everyone else is doing well.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2004 at 12:58AM
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dcrowex

I just want to encourage all to keep talking in here...even if it is something good, like Susan getting a job (congratulations). I think that the sadness and grief that has been shared is a good thing to talk among friends here. But the fact that the losses have been so enormous and had such impact on your lives, I am hopeful that even when good things happen, if you consider them good, come share it here. Share the directions you are going in, what you are feeling today.
Susan, you noted sunday was the fourth anniversary of Brians accident - what did you do that day? That would have been a hard day for you.

Brycesmommy, I am glad you checked in too. What have you been doing as well?

Nell, how about you? how are you doing?

I hope everyone checks in. I have seen Lu in KT quite a bit.

deb

    Bookmark   October 6, 2004 at 5:28AM
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StefCo_NJ

I check in all the time, but like some others have said, I don't know what to say or how to form the words. I'm also 12 days away from having my 2nd baby boy via scheduled c-section, and I'm very busy with all the anxieties and anticipation that come with that. I'm so ready to have him, we can't wait - But on the other hand I'm terrified of how I'll handle it emotionally - My Dad's first grandchild (of 6) that he'll never know. :(
-Stef

    Bookmark   October 6, 2004 at 7:53AM
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jlj48

I check in here most every day but don't know what to say anymore. I don't know how I'm doing really. It's been two months since my dad died and I feel so numb inside. I just go through the motions and keep busy. If I stop to think about the reality of how my dad died it's just too much. I would fall apart every day and I've go three little kids to care for. It's like I'm putting off my grieving. I'm just trying to be there for my mom. I don't know what else to do. I feel so alone, and it feels like God doesn't even exist. He must be so disappointed in me. I just don't know what else to do. I think I'm angry inside at everyone I know. I don't mean to feel sorry for myself or be negative. Some hear have so much to bear and in all your pain, you have been supportive to the rest of us. I just don't know what else to do.
I wish you luck stefco with your new sweet baby. He will bring you so much joy I know.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2004 at 9:57AM
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Bill_Wilson

Still here, lurking as usual. Like many others, I read the posts, but if I don't feel I have anything constructive to add, I don't respond. Maybe that is the wrong way to look at it. So many come here, myself included, just looking for support, sympathy, compassion. I guess we shouldn't feel we always have to offer some stirring words of wisdom or great insight. Often just knowing that others care and can relate to what we are experiencing is tremendous comfort.

I would like to respond to Joanie. Don't worry that God is disappointed with you. I was very angry at God when my Dad died, but it's odd, I was actually more prepared for that emotion than anything else that happened and I didn't let it drive me away from Him. Don't give up. Keep an open mind and heart. God will make His presence known to you. Keep the lines of communication open. He's infinitely patient and will be there for you when you are ready.

Also, please try not to put off your grieving. I know it's hard because you have responsibilities and others seem to be moving on with their lives. I was blessed in that my Dad's death actually drew my family closer together. We had several opportunities over the following weeks and months to gather and cry together. While it is always painful, I truly believe that it has helped me cope with losing my Dad.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2004 at 10:46AM
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dcrowex

Steph, I congratulate you on your coming child! what a joyous time this will be for you. joanie and steph, I also went thru having 2 children without my parents being here. They adored my son, the first grandchild, and when my other two were born, what an absence I felt, knowing they would not be active in my childrens lives. joannie, i agree with bill, dont put off your grieving...it builds inside and affects everything in your life. the time will come when you need to give into this.

Bill I would like to comment on your post. you made the comment that losing your dad, as hard as this was, brought your family closer. I think that is wonderful, in a time of tragedy, your family would pull together. how many posts have we read about the families falling apart? there can be such stress mixed in with the grief and anguish. i found that losing my parents made me appreciate my brother even more and that we probably got closer as well.

deb

    Bookmark   October 7, 2004 at 5:10AM
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jlj48

Bill,
Thank you for your kind words. You have been so supportive to me. And I know you are right. I guess I'm just feeling so much that I wasn't prepared for at all. And thank you too Deb.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2004 at 9:51AM
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DawnStorm

This is a rough time of year for my mom: many important family dates are in the fall--my dad's birthday was in Oct; their 50th anniversary would've been last month on the 11th and my mom's and brother's birthdays are next month, plus the upcoming holidays. Sometimes I just don't know what to say to ease the pain my mom feels when these dates come up.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2004 at 2:42PM
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lulie___wayne

Deb, you know I'm still around! lol I usually check here often, but the last few days I have neglected to come. It's been kinda slow lately. I've been pretty busy lately and I'm getting ready to be even busier. I'm getting my grief ministry started again at church and I'm getting ready very shortly, to help my cousin paint a mural for a back drop for a Christmas manger scene.
I still have my good and bad days of grief, but overall, I'm doing well.
Lu

    Bookmark   October 9, 2004 at 9:30PM
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evatx

I read the posts most days and respond some of the time. I've been so sad for several days. Maybe it's because I've started some Christmas shopping and often I see something I know my twin sis would love, then have to remember she's not here. I cried all weekend. No one seems to understand why this grief hits me like a blow, even though Neva died 4 years ago. This hole in my heart still hurts so much!

    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 12:59AM
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Nell Jean

Deb, thank you for starting this thread. All of a sudden there are many posts. If others feel as I do, they're reluctant to answer some where the writer is obviously in such pain. Will what I say be helpful? Will I say too much? Do I talk too much about my own feelings? Like Bill, we all lurk and hope somebody will know the 'right thing' to say to others.

I worry that some needs are unmet. Not all who come here are privileged to have Employee Assistance Programs at work, or Compassionate Friends groups in their town or other community organizations that offer support. Let me say that if there's a hospice organization anywhere near, they offer bereavement support groups not just to those they've served, but to the entire community. We're coming up on the time when hospices offer programs on 'When It Doesn't Feel like Christmas.' Church groups often start informal groups and welcome anyone who inquires. Community mental health groups are in place and new programs are starting in many areas. Simply asking, even in the wrong agency, will get you a referral to something helpful. Just ask. Start your question with, "I'm not sure if you can help but I feel that you will know who can..."

Thanks for asking, Deb. I'm okay. I'll never again be the same, but I'm as okay as it gets.

Nell

    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 6:44PM
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dcrowex

Im glad everyone has been checking in. I think often how we are doing changes day by day. Lets all remember to stay in touch on good days and bad days. We all need each other.

deb

    Bookmark   October 13, 2004 at 12:16PM
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blsdgal

I'm ok too, but I someitmes find myself avoiding my grief and that means avoiding any down time which allows me to think about it.

I sometimes feel that I have to "put it away" for now.

I'm am thnking of all of you tonight and will say a little prayer for all of the broken hearts on this board.

Eva, I have twin sons and they are like one person sometimes. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your twin, Neva. I can't even imagine.

susan

    Bookmark   October 18, 2004 at 9:25PM
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chattypatty_79

I check in every few days, but had a stroke on Sept 3rd, and still have a little trouble with my right side and my speech.But am getting stronger. Everyone take care. chattypatty

    Bookmark   October 18, 2004 at 10:05PM
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dcrowex

chatty, i also read this in the KT forum...hope you are feeling better by now.

blsdgal, i thought your comment was interesting about how you "put your grief away"....i can see why we probably all msut do that to live our day to day lives.
deb

    Bookmark   October 19, 2004 at 12:50PM
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CariJo

I haven't been on in a long time... maybe months. My life has become almost entirely unbearable, which is one reason I don't come on... my problems are so overwhelming that people don't know what to say. I lost my job and had to go back to work for my father. Just last night he fired me again... for the 4th time.... then he got violent with me, refused to pay me and I found myself bloodied on the ground crumpled up outside his front door. I bet the only regret my little brother had was that he didn't die sooner. I don't know how he managed to survive and be such a sweet kid after so many years of that kind of abuse. I have shut down and life is so depressing I can't even go outside; all I do is cry and I feel totally emotionally incapable of finding another job even though I just graduated college at the top of my class (3 days before the tragedy). If it weren't for my mother I think it would be quite easy to just... stop... living. I know this isn't how life is supposed to be, and I felt so much better when I was away from Dad. I felt sorry for him and he needed help running his scrapyard. I wish he hadn't said all those horrible things about me, hadn't disowned me or beat on me. It may seem like I'm whining or that I've created my own problems but all I ever wanted was to be there for him in his grief and for him to be there for me. I didn't even provoke him; I worked hard and I don't think I deserve the way he's beaten me down. My big brother used to save me from him by being the object of his aggression, my little brother was so sweet and he always knew just what to say to calm Dad down. With both of these men dead and gone I am alone, I wanted Daddy to be nice to me like when I was little but the man has lost his mind....

Here is a link that might be useful: pics

    Bookmark   October 29, 2004 at 5:12PM
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lulie___wayne

CariJo, I'm glad you checked in. I am so very sorry that you are going through all of this. I wish I could help.
Check out the site that Susan sent to you on another thread.
Thanks for sharing the pics.
Lu

    Bookmark   October 29, 2004 at 11:38PM
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dcrowex

Carijo, I am so very sorry....I see where Susan has started a new post for you and I will respond there.

deb

    Bookmark   October 30, 2004 at 5:20AM
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