Advice on Mediums?

MrdsmomOctober 11, 2004

Since my son died 3 months ago, I have become obsessed with learning about the afterlife. It seems to be my only hope of coping. I have talked with 2 different people who claim to be mediums. They knew things that there is no way they could have known. My family thinks I have gone off the deep end. Part of me wants to believe so much that they were really able to connect with my son - but the other half of me is trying to figure out how they could have faked it. Like - how could the medium have known that we had to take my son off of life support and that the hospital room was full of his friends and family when he died? How could he have known that his best friend was in law enforcement and that his sister was a medical student? It has given me such hope that my son is up there - but then, I just want to keep on going to different mediums to see if they all say the same thing. Does anyone have any advise on this??


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Dear Mrdsmom;
I am so incredibly sorry for such a loss that you are suffering. I can't imagine losing a child, as many here have. I think I understand your need to look into the afterlife, which is so natural to do. While it is a natural desire, I would strongly caution you against going to mediums for answers. The only person I can point you to, that I have received comfort from, is God. You clearly believe in a spiritual realm, and the safest place to look for comfort and information, is to look to God and the Bible. While some mediums are good guessers, others do have a bit of a connection to the spiritual realm, but it's restricted to having Satan be the one to provide information. As innocent as some mediums may seem, the Bible teaches that mediums are not to be consulted. There are two groups of people who can be used to foretell things, to a degree, and they are prophets and sorcerers. Your safer bet is to stick with God. While you won't be able to talk with your son, you can talk to God about your anger over him dying, or your depair to go on that you mentioned in your first post. He wants to hear everything you have to say, and won't be surprised at anything you tell Him. Good or bad. The truth is, He loves you and all your children, more than you'll ever know...that's what Jesus dying is all about. He wants to protect you from evil, the same we want to protect our children from evil. We tell our kids, 'don't talk to strangers, or get in a car with someone you don't know'. Going to a medium is like an innocent 5 year old child talking to or going with someone who wants to do evil to them. God only ever has our best interests at heart, and even through the painful times, He wants us to trust Him. If you've never done that, now would be the best time. While you're hurting the most you ever could...after all, His Son died, too. He understands more than you know. If you want to trust Him, ask Him into your life, ask for His guidance, His forgiveness (we're all guilty to some degree), and above all His peace. It will come to those who ask for it. I don't usually put up posts, I mostly read what others say and the responses to them. Yours really touched me, in that you are so desparately looking for answers. Knowing a little about some of the others here, I know they would say something pretty similar. Experiencing a death of someone so close, really has the potential to bring you closer to God, if you let it. I know others here have let it draw them to, or closer to, the only One we can get any real peace of mind from.
Much love and prayers sent your way.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 1:21PM
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Nell Jean

It is my opinion that most mediums can 'hit' a number of correct guesses. If the medium told you that friends and family were around the bedside -- that's a guess which would have been quickly covered if not correct, and on to the next subject. In most cases, such a death is witnessed, so it's a pretty sure thing to say you were all there. When we're hungry to 'hear' we tend to listen for the lucky guesses and ignore the feelers. Some people are very perceptive at reading your cues.

In my opinion, anyone who offers to 'contact' your loved one FOR MONEY has your purse at heart rather than your well being.

Many people here have read books on the subject of the afterlife and commented. The more comforting experiences are those you find for yourself rather than through someone that you can never be SURE really 'saw' or 'spoke with' your loved one.

I hope that you can find comfort without opening yourself to someone or something that might not be what you intended. Have you had counseling or joined a support group?

Here is a link that might be useful: For Further Reading

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 5:27PM
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Marie, I know it is EXTREMELY tempting to go to mediums. I am not strongly against it, and I do believe that some mediums have a special gift. But from my experiences after Christin, I have to tell you that I have had some amazing spiritual experiences being that I put all of my energy into connecting with God and nothing else. If you are close to God, you will be closer to your child than what any medium can give you. God has given me experiences and signs that I would have been totally awesome! Because I focused on Him and was/am so connected to Him, the first few years especially, I felt that I had direct communication from Him every single day in various ways. I know that He knew that I needed that at the time. He truly amazed me every single day. It was all because my focus was totally on HIM, and I became very aware that He was with me every step of the way. I just knew it.
I know I can't get too much into religion on this forum and I have probably said too much already. I believe that God will give you what you need and want in time, if you trust in Him. He will give you signs and messages in one way or another, letting you know that Matt is with Him.
I even had a dream before Christin left that I didn't understand until after she was gone and then I got something from Him related to that dream after she was gone. I may post it if you all want to know what it was. It is very sacred to me, but maybe it can help some of you. It is one of my most amazing signs from God. Something even tangible. It blew me away.
Blessings to you!Lu

    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 3:30AM
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I do believe in psychic ability, and therefore I believe it's possible for someone to make contact with your son. However, I also believe there is a slew of fakes out there, and even more "semi-mediums" who possess certain psychic abilities and make up the rest. It is SO easy to fool someone in your position, or mine. (I lost my daughter.) I've witnessed it on TV and in person. The person gives just a hint of something, and the bereaved jumps on it, enabling the "medium" to go a little further in that direction.

I spoke with a woman I'd consulted on another matter (not related to death) before my daughter died. She had come highly recommended by my therapist, who is also a good friend of mine. Both sessions were interesting and worthwhile. They involved astrology, numerology, and her contact with the spirit world. She gave me tapes of our conversations, and I was just thinking yesterday that I should play the one about Jill, because I never have.

I believe that connection between earth dweller and spirit is so complex that it is often hard to separate the threads. Therefore, if a psychic says, "Yes, your loved one is sitting here surrounded by his ancestors, and wants me to tell you he's just fine," that sounds way too simple for me. The woman I spoke with relayed some things that were unmistakably Jill, and I have no doubt that she contacted her. I'm glad I had that experience, but I didn't need it for assurance that Jill had survived in another form. I had already had numerous signs from my daughter, and knew that she was very much alive and as creative and loving a spirit as she had been on earth.

Hope this helps.


    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 9:10AM
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I just wanted to add the advice to read a lot on the subject. The more you know about psychic phenomena, the less likely you are to be victimized.

Lois Duncan's book, Who Killed My Daughter? contains a couple of names of mediums who helped her. I don't know if they're available, but the book is a good one.

Also, your library might have No Goodbyes, by Adela Rogers St. John. It's out of print, and the mediums she mentions are probably long gone now, but it's a fascinating read by a renowned journalist who lost her son and began to explore the afterlife.

Have you tried automatic writing? I always wanted to, but never summoned the necessary patience.


    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 9:27AM
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This link might be of some help. I found it after my other Wing passed over.

Please be careful if you find someone. Vulnerability comes with grief. As much as I have studied (years) I almost got caught up into trying to find answers. Much comes more easily now but it has been 15 months for me. It's extremely hard to listen to our intuition when our pain is so raw.

Read Read Read


Here is a link that might be useful: Afterlife101

    Bookmark   October 15, 2004 at 3:05AM
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"how could the medium have known that we had to take my son off of life support and that the hospital room was full of his friends and family when he died? How could he have known that his best friend was in law enforcement and that his sister was a medical student"

Easy ... they did a "cold reading". They did NOT tell you anything, they asked vaguely leading questions, then they followed up on it, using you as the source of information. It's a cold-blooded scam, designed to separate the grieving ones from their money. The really efficient ones even look up the obits and do a bit of reaserch.

Try this with the next "medium" ... give only yes and no answers, do not respond to their prying for info and see how well they do.

A grief counselor can do much more for you than a medium: yyou sound like you need help here with the living much more than your son does wherever he might be.

Here is a link that might be useful: The art of Cold Reading

    Bookmark   October 16, 2004 at 8:14AM
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i saw a fortune teller (palm reader) in NY once on a whim with a coworker. she charged me $25 for 30 min. i would not make eye contact with her and did not show any emotion over what she told me and only looked down at my hand as she read my palm. i sensed she was "reaching" as she could not look into my eyes for a reaction if she was "hitting" on anything.
i agree, a grief counselor would probably be so much better to open up your feelings to. i think when we see people like this, mediums etc, we are so desparate for "something, some sign" from them, it makes us vunerable.

that being said, i cant say that i dont believe in it. i think there could very well be people out there who may have the power to reach to the other side, but being in the throes of grief would not be the best time to decide.


    Bookmark   October 16, 2004 at 9:59AM
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You have gotten some very good advice from these Ladies. God is the way to peace. I know. But I still have the human need to know what my dear husband is experiencing. I did purchase a book yesterday at a book store named " Travel Guide to Heaven" It is by Anthony Distefano and he supposly has taken all the information from the Bible as to what Heaven will be and what we will expenece. I have not read by a few pages yet, but when I can handle the feelings I have, I will try to read it all. If it makes sense and helps me, fine, if not, well, I get my peace from God anyway and He is always there for me. Just be careful.

    Bookmark   October 17, 2004 at 9:56AM
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Marie, your grief is so new and fresh, your wounds so open and bleeding.
When a mother loses a child it is so horrible and mind numbing. We will
do anything, go any where, talk to any one that we think
will help take the pain away or in some way give us some
hope that our child is not lost to us forever.
Some turn to their beliefs and spirituality to help ease
their pain. Others retreat to the solitude of their
thoughts and remembrances of the time before this horrible
thing has happened to rob them of their child.

A few turn to drugs and alcohol and other ways to help them
forget the pain.

Life is so hard sometimes, Marie, honey, you have now
joined the thousands of moms who are now grieving for
lost children. Don't let your grief lead you to delve into
anything that could lead to further pain.

Please see a grief counselor, join a group that will
be there to help you in the coming weeks and months as
you find a way to cope.

My heart goes out to you Marie. I lost my beautiful,
precious son. It still hurts to this day but as time keeps
marching on, you will find a way to live again.
If you believe in God, you can find your answers there,
in God's promises.

    Bookmark   October 17, 2004 at 12:21PM
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I'm not a huge believer in psychic powers--trust me if I had them, I'd be playing every lottery I could get my hands on!
Harry Houdini spent the last several years of his life exposing fraudulent mediums. At that time (late 19th/early 20th centuries) many many people believed in 'spiritualism' and consulted mediums in an attempt to contact departed loved ones. Houdini himself believed that such contact was possible, and after his mother died, he consulted a medium to try to contact her. The medium produced a letter supposedly written and signed by his mom, but there were more than a few inconsistancies that Houdini picked up immediately, namely:
the letter was written in English, a language Houdini's mother did not speak very well (German being her primary language)
it was signed with her name along with a cross. Houdini's real surname was Weiss; in fact his father was a rabbi.
I believe it was after this incident that Houdini set about exposing frauds and the people who commited them.
Houdini swore up and down that if anyone was to make contact once they passed over, it would be him. He gave his wife a code phrase and she did try to contact him--as have many others since then--but to no avail.
No real reason in posting this, just historical interest.

    Bookmark   October 21, 2004 at 10:05AM
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My father, who didn't have much faith in an afterlife, used to cite Houdini's failure to make contact as a spirit. My theory is that Houdini, though he made quite a splash on earth, wasn't a particularly evolved soul, or at least not talented in the area of earthly contact. :-)


    Bookmark   October 21, 2004 at 11:50AM
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i understand your need to want to connect with your child..i also saw a medium after my daughter died but left feeling frustrated because altho she hit on alot of things accurately about my family all she said about my daughter is that she hears a young woman who sounds very weak...and when i told her that my daughter had died she said it was maybe too soon come back when it had been a year...that made me feel as if she wasnt trying to rip me off....she was very accurate about things she couldnt have known ..and i felt as if she was for real.....but i needed answers and knew i would not find them there...your child is fine..and like sylvia browne says we miss them but they dont miss us because they are right here with once your grief isnt as fresh you will develop a spiritual relationship with your in God ..He will give you strength you need to get thru what you will endure ..and He will make sure that you and your precious child will always be connected.....just pray to Him for signs...and let yourself be open to what you will see....and dont let anyone make you think you are crazy....signs will come in dreams,butterflies,birds,coins on the floor,rainbows etc....embrace them all

    Bookmark   October 23, 2004 at 6:37PM
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