How do you go on??

MrdsmomOctober 11, 2004

I lost my 19 year old Matt on July 4th. He broke his neck in a swimming accident and nearly drowned. He died after 19 days from lung complications from the near drowning. Had he lived, he would have been paralyzed from the neck down which I know he could have NEVER accepted. I found myself praying to God to give the pain of losing him to me rather than having him to live like that. Now that he's gone, I just can't forgive myself. I miss him so much - but I know, had he known about the paralysis, his heart would have been so broken - and I just couldn't stand the thought of it. I just don't know how I am going to go on without him. AFter 3 months, it just gets worse and worse each day. I have 2 other children (grown) and they should be enough to make me want to stick around - but somehow, they just aren't. How do you go on?

Marie

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Nell Jean

You go on one hour, one day, one week at a time. The weeks drag into months and finally a year goes by. There's nothing magical about a year. You keep going because you have purpose here. You think about the child you lost. You have questions that go unanswered. You adapt to the world without your child. You're never the same, but you do keep on. I pray for comfort for you and for every one who has this burden. We're here to help each other because it isn't easy with help; alone it can be just too much.

Nell

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 4:54PM
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Brycesmommy

Marie
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. It has only been just over 4 months for me since my son died before his 4th birthday. He nearly drowned as well & was on life support for a month because of brain damage & pneumonia. I miss him so much too & I don't know how to get through each day. I feel the same as you about it getting worse but everyone tells me it will get easier. I hope so & I hope so for you too. I guess what helps me is having my family & writing about my thoughts & feelings. Right now that's about it. I hope you find the strength.
I'll pray for you.

Melanie

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 6:44PM
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gloriam

I feel for both of you. I lost my mother 9 years ago and I
cried for 6 long years. I stopped crying but I still miss
her. I lost a GS last year and now I am in the process of
burying a daughter this week. Time heals and so does prayer.
I have found strength and courage in the last 9 years.
Please talk to a minster or a support group. Prayer, one
day at a time, memories of good times are a goood thing to
help you get by. I will pray for you.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 8:12PM
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dcrowex

Marie, I am so sorry....sending prayers and special thoughts to you in hopes that you will find comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven. I am so sorry for this loss, but so glad you are in this forum. Many people here have suffered immense losses and their guidance and advice will be so helpful to you. Your heart will never stop breaking over losing your son, but you will find ways to manage that pain and it comes a day at a time. Rely on your good memories of your son, the happy times. I think your son would want you to cling to the smiles and the joy he brought to you.
Bless you,
Deb

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 9:46PM
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jlj48

Marie,
I am so sorry about the loss of your son. Please don't blame yourself. You did NOT cause your son to die by praying for the pain of losing him to be on you. You are not that powerful. God is the almighty one and HE decides when we go. I know a little how you feel. I lost a baby when I was 6 months pregnant. After lying in the hospital for a week flat on my back trying to save him, I gave him to the Lord and said that I would accept whatever his will was. I went into labor a couple of hours later. I have often wondered if he would have lived had I not said that prayer. Had the pregnancy sustained only one more week, they would have taken my sweet son by C-Section. I'll never know but I don't think he would have lived. I think God was just waiting for me to let go.
I visit here because I lost my sweet dad August 5th. I'm still so sad and today has been an especially hard day. I hope for easier days ahead for you.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2004 at 11:32PM
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lulie___wayne

Marie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I hate to say this, but I have to be truthful. It will get worse before it gets better. I lost my 19 year old daughter, Christin, six and a half years ago and my mom this past June 3. Every year for several years after Christin, I kept thinking that it was getting worse and worse, but now I can honestly say, it's better. It will get better, I promise you. It will get different also.
My Christin was hit by a Chevy S10 truck while trying to save our dog who was hit by a car. She had massive brain damage and chest injuries and was also on life support and brain dead for 15 hours. I know that if she had lived, she too, would have been miserable because she was so filled with life and she always felt so sorry for anyone who was physically or mentally disabled. I really don't think she would have wanted to live that way. I also know that even though we loved her dearly, it would have put a tremendous strain on our family to care for her, and I think because of those two things, God was merciful in taking her. Now, she is with Him and has no worries or pain or sorrow, and neither does your precious son, Matt.
Now, you and I and all the grieving people on this forum have to make our way through life trying to make sense of our crosses and hopefully turn a tradgedy into something positive in the way that we live.
We all have to go right through this grief......not around it or under it or above it..... right through it. We have to feel all of the pain, sort out all of the questions as best as we can and make sure that we throw ALL of the guilt out the window because it serves absolutely no purpose other than to add misery to our lives. We all know that we certainly don't need any of that!
You will feel a myriad of emotions through time. Deal with them one at a time, and don't let anyone tell you how you should be grieving or that you should "be over it by now".
Take as long as you need. Right now, I know it is a scary thought, but you are just scratching the surface.
Please continue to come to us for support. Sometimes it helps just to write your feelings and believe me, like I told you in another thread, there is always someone here who probably has felt any one thing that you will feel throughout this grief journey. Don't think you are going crazy. Grief does many things to people, both physically and emotionally.
Blessings to you.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   October 12, 2004 at 2:56AM
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polarprincess

I have not lost a child, but to quote directly from a letter someone close to me who lost a child 18 months ago sent.. " I can honestly say I am doing wonderful" I have my good days and my bad days. In the beginning, i prayed for God to take me..I just wanted to die. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.My arms physically ached to hold her. I would watch the world going on and see people laughing, and I would want to scream, "DOESN"T ANYONE KNOW MY CHILD JUST DIED"? I hated happy people. i dreaded christmas, and just knew nothing would ever be the same again- ever, but you know what? time does heal, I had to live through the stages of grief, and then I chose to heal. When i wake up in the morning, i look in the mirror and i decide to look at each day as not another day without my daughter, but rather another day closer to being with her again. I live as though she is still here in this house, i still talk to her, i hug her clothes, and i tell myself she is "just away". Life is for the living, and if we never can learn to let go, then our children in heaven can never be free. To set her free was the greatest gift i could give her. I truly, truly, believe we will be together again, and it sustains me, life on earth is just a heartbeat in time..eternity is for always.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2004 at 12:50AM
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blsdgal

Oh Marie, I'm so sorry. I don't have a lot of words of wisdom right now, because my grief is also too new. But, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

susan

    Bookmark   October 18, 2004 at 9:18PM
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