consumned with grief

violaroseOctober 13, 2006

what do you do if your every waking thought is of your father, or everynight you dream of your dad alive, and not passed.

Last night I remember being in our old house and dad sitting awake in his recliner and mom sleeping on the couch and I am shaking mom awake "mom , dads alive, he came back". Similar dreams I have like this nightly,

I just feel so sad, I miss him so much, i continue fighting to find a way to live without dad, but its not one filled with happiness. not like it was before. on dads dying bed he told my pastor that robin (me) always found a way to be happy no matter what situation and being upbeat, but without dad here, he was so important in our lifes, i dont know if he relized what a jewel he was to us all, my mom, my husband, my girls, he was the strong hold, he was the piece to hold the puzzel in.

seeing mom breaks my heart. leaving my mom breaks it harder. the overwheliming task of becoming a widower. she is cleaning out his garage, oh how he had everything, I saw my dads unfinished woodwork he was going to do. a nightlight fo rmy girls.

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socks

You didn't say how long ago your father passed, but I would guess it was fairly recently because you are suffering so. Seeing his work or anything which he used regularly just tears at your heart.

Stay in close contact with your mom. Talk to her every day if you can.

I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. Sounds like you had a wonderful father. Later, when things settle down, you can think of ways to honor his memory. I always travel to the town where my mother lived to donate things to the thrift shop which benefits poor people there. I save my best donations for that shop. You can think of things to do which would have pleased your father also.

Take care.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2006 at 12:01PM
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violarose

he passed aug 24. its so hard being with mom, she says she is too busy for me. i feel like i am an orphan, my mom has become indifferent, and i know she has to go thru her own grieve, but its soo hard. i want it to go all normal again.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2006 at 1:35PM
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socks

That must hurt so much to have mom say she is too busy for you! Maybe it's something she is doing to help her through this terrible time. People go through all kinds of emotions and have ideas that are not always correct when they are in shock from a loss like this. She's surviving as best she can.

You need a buddy, someone to talk to. Could be a sibling, cousin, neighbor, friend, husband, co-worker...someone just to share your loss. Maybe someone who seemed supportive or caring at your dad's funeral, if you had one. Reach out, Violarose, it really helps to talk. And don't forget, it's ok to cry...you need to cry.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2006 at 4:00PM
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violarose

thank you for taking the time to respond. oh boy, i sure have cried, i have talked to my best buddies, have a great husband i say the same things over and over too. I am disabled due to a virus that i got 5 years ago, rendered me with CFS and seizures. my dad spent twice a day with my family helping us helping me and my girls get to school. we had such a good friendship. we miss him like crazy.
elizabeth my daughter cried during the whole worship last sunday,- and emily spent the time drawing pictures of dad as an angel in heaven. but now they are acting like my normal sweety pies. they are 8 in 3rd grade (twins)

    Bookmark   October 14, 2006 at 11:03AM
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socks

I see now why you miss him so much, and your sweetie pies miss their grandpa too. I'm glad to hear they are crying and drawing. Age 8 is so young to lose a beloved grandparent; it has hit them very hard too.

Take care.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2006 at 6:28PM
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