Still Coping with a Big Hole in My Life

des_arc_ya_yaSeptember 3, 2007

Lost one of my best lifelong friends back in February. (Valentine's Day, to be exact.) She was a breast cancer patient in 1999, underwent chemo, radiation, surgery and stem cell transplant. Some of the medication that she took caused bone degeneration and she was having ongoing problems with a jawbone. In June of last year she was diagnosed with leukemia. She underwent a bone marrow transplant in January and died from complications from that. (donor vs. host disease, etc.)

I'm 57 and this is two of my lifelong friends that I have lost. This woman's death has been the worst loss I've ever dealt with. I've lost all my grandparents, most of my aunts and uncles and my dad. That was all awful, of course, but expected. Angie was my one friend who could always make me laugh, always listened. We shared the same warped sense of humor, etc.

Another friend and I call each other even more often than we used to. We say that we're using each other as a substitute for Angie and, in a way, we are. We've also been friends for over 45 years, but each of us had our own place in our circle of friends.

It's been almost 7 months and, in a way, I'm taking it worse now than I did at the very beginning.

Don't expect any ready made answers to this. I know everybody on this forum is dealing with their own grief and pain. Just needed to talk and, I guess, be told that I'm not crazy and it will get better.

Warm hugs to all of you going through your own journeys. My dad always said that death was "just a part of living", but it's sure hard on those of us who are left, isn't it!?

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alisande

I imagine it must be very much like losing a sibling, especially a sibling you were close to. When you have that special relationship with someone--when they "get" you--it's a huge loss. And I personally feel that the humor connection is irreplaceable.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Have you dreamt about her?

Susan

    Bookmark   September 4, 2007 at 12:06PM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Oh, yes. I dream about every just every few weeks. She's always telling me, "I'm okay! I'm okay! Don't worry about me."

She gave me some jewelry before she left to go for the transplant. I kept telling her that I didn't want to take it. She was crying and told me that she really wanted me to have it. I finally told her, "Okay, tell you what...I'll take it and wear it until you get home." Bless her heart, she knew how much it was going to mean to me. Haven't had it off since she died.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2007 at 12:14PM
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alisande

Oh, that's wonderful! If she has children, or living parents, I hope you've told them about the dreams.

She really is okay, you know. I'm so glad she's still with you. And you will be together again someday.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2007 at 12:29PM
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tigpie

Acknowledge and feel the feelings, and it will fill the hole.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2007 at 6:10PM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Thanks for all the support, you guys. I really appreciate it. Healing wishes going out to all of you.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2007 at 1:31PM
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lulie___wayne

Ya Ya, I just saw this. Even though I begged Spike to start this forum, I just haven't had the time to visit it as often as before.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your best friend. I do know that sometimes grief has a way of getting worse as time goes on. Many people think that it always gets better, but that is not always the case. Many times, it gets worse, and then better. I think at first, it is our body's defense mechanism which protects us and allows the grief and sense of loss to creep in gradually. I think we eventually get to a peak and then gradually "accept" (I don't like that word) or "surrender" as I call it, and then feel better as time goes by.
I hope that you will find peace and always remember that you will see your loved ones again. Think of them as being on a long, wonderful vacation and you will meet them later on. That's what I try to do with my loss of Christin and my mom.
I miss all of you at the Kitchen Table. Maybe I'll try to start visiting more often.
Love,
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Website

    Bookmark   October 15, 2007 at 12:25PM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Oh, hi, Lulie! Sorry that I'm just now seeing your post. Yes, please come by the table and visit. We miss you, too.

How are you doing?

    Bookmark   December 18, 2007 at 1:34AM
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