Confused and feeling guilty
I lost Mum to a series of strokes one month ago today, her heart had stopped working properly. They told us how serious the brain damage was and Dad left the decision to not resuscitate to me. I also had to give permission to remove feeding tubes. I now feel so lost and distant from everyone. I also feel so guilty at having the feeding tubes removed, although mum died within 24 hours of this taking place and everyone tells me it wouldn't have made any difference it still feels like I did something terrible. Up to a week ago I was fairly ok; I was so busy sorting out everything for everyone else. I'm the youngest but I'm also the one most like Mum, the one everyone comes to to sort out problems. Now I'm back sorting out my own life I cry at stupid moments and just feel like my world is incomplete. I have a brilliant partner of 4 years who is making life bearable. We are getting engaged at Christmas and I should be so happy but I'm just so sad that mum isn't here to share my future joy. I'm so confused; it's like being on a rollercoaster ride. I feel really bad at losing a wonderful mum and best friend, it is just so hard to take.