It is too painful, how come she is not calling

laurienceSeptember 23, 2009


Well it will be 3 weeks since I lost my mom to lung cancer this upcoming Friday. I am starting to get really annoyed that she has not called. I know this sounds strange but in the back of my head I think it just can't be true.

I live 2 hours away from where she lived and I can easily convince myself that this is not really happening however the phone is not ringing.

It hurts sooo much, what am I going to do without my best friend, my security blanket, my beautiful mother. I want her back.

Thanks for letting me vent..


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I want to yell


    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 5:52PM
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Do you have any grief counseling? Support groups? That would help. Do you have a friend/relative you could talk with about what she meant to you as your Mom? As I am not familiar with Canadian support groups, check in the paper, local churches or YMCA etc. You could also ask your local hospital chaplin. Yes it is painful, but go day by day. Did she have a garden? Are their things in your garden that remind you of her? Start a journal and write a bit day by day--good and bad. No mom is perfect as I well know, but then I do remember the little things she did for me.
I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 10:27PM
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I understand completely. I still have my mom's number in my cell phone. I just can't erase it. I don't want it to be real. In time, the sharp stabs of pain will be fewer and farther between. My thoughts are with you.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2009 at 3:00AM
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Laurience, I know exactly how you feel. I am waiting for her to call, waiting to come to her "It's just me" on my answering maching...I would give anything to hear her voice one more time.

I went to the house last hnight and gathered up her clothes. My stepdad just can't do it, so I will. For some reason it is 'easier' for me....because they don't see the tears.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2009 at 8:50AM
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I know just how you feel. I kept thinking I'll call my mom, and then realize it won't do any good, she's not there. I didn't know how I was going to go on. It seemed like I'd forget she was gone, and then re-discover it, like stumbling over a shoe in the dark. I recall that I drove to work, crying, and not one of my co-workers ever said anything to me, then, I cry while driving home. It seemed like it went on forever. Some how, some day, you realize that you're starting to accept it, because you have to. We learn the hard way to do what we have to do, and accepting a loved one is gone is something we have to do, eventually. I read some books on grief, can't say they helped, other than seeing I was experiencing the different stages of grief. The best advice I can give you is this: give yourself permission to grieve how ever you need to do it, for however long it takes you to get through it, and don't chastise yourself for any of your grieving processes. They are all natural things, and you have the right to do it your way, in your own time. My prayers are with you.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2009 at 10:39PM
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Your mom is with you! We all have another place to go when the time comes. Know that your mom is around you and stay open to the possibilities -- not necessarily the obvious. She's close by -- stay open to it.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2009 at 10:39PM
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