My mom passed away 1 week tomorrow

laurienceSeptember 10, 2009

Wow!! I have never felt such grief and pain in my entire life.

My mom entered the hospital 2 weeks ago tomorrow and died one week later of lung cancer. She was only diagnosed 5 days prior to dying.

Yes, she was a smoker. She was having severe shoulder pain however she thought it was her shoulder acting up from laying down on hospital tables undergoing tests.

She was on a disability because of her shoulders.

Another problem was that she was eating baby food for the last two months. She has had previous stomach and digestive problems and she thought it was her stomach acting up.

Meanwhile, I was at Sick Kid's hospital with my son while she was sick. He is 5 and underwent a brain surgery. He is o.k. now. I wasn't as involved as I could of been because my head was elsewhere.

My mom is my very best friend. We talked everyday. As a teenager, I rather hang out with my mom than with my friends. She was so special. She never talked bad about anybody and helped everybody whether it was food or shelter.

She had an innocent quality about her. Almost like she saw things for the 1st time. It was beautiful. I am in shock, I am in raw raw pain and I feel dead.

I have a 4 and 5 yrs old boy so I know I have to continue. I just can't imagine ever being happy again without her. How do you get through this?

Thanks for listening. We are catholic and my mom was a big believer so she was not scared to die. I somehow lost my faith along the way and trying to find it again. I want to believe that she is with me.


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I am sorry about your mom and you will regain your faith. Did she leave a spouse behind, other children/relatives?
Are there pictures to look at? You might start looking around for grief counseling and support groups. Many churches and medical centers, also with the YMCA do have them. Talk to your children about the fun time you had and I am sure a Priest/Minister could help also.

    Bookmark   September 11, 2009 at 2:01PM
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thanks for your response. Yes, she was re-married to a wonderful man for 20 years and I worry about him. There is also my sister and step-sister. We are very close so that helps.

It just seems sooo surreal. I have a few videos and many pictures. The first few days I looked at them all the time however it got too painful. Now, I am trying to push the emotions to the side a bit and deal with daily life.

How are you??


    Bookmark   September 11, 2009 at 10:18PM
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I know how hard it is dealing with a loss so close to you and having small children that need you as well. I have three and since my sister died 9 months ago I have really struggled. I would like to tell you that this pain will go away, but I can't. It will however get easier to function. What I really want to do most of the time is lay in the bed and just cry. Shut my door and never ever come out again. But I can't. The kids need a mom. So I go through the motions and feed and bathe and help with homework and carpool and the routine continues. I am different now after my loss, I will never be the same again, but I have found a way to get through the day without falling to pieces. I think it just happens on its will get there.
I am not a religous person at all, and I think that a loss is harder when you don't have a particular belief in what happens after death. If you believe in heaven, then there is comfort in the belief that your loved one is in heaven.

    Bookmark   September 12, 2009 at 10:39PM
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I am sooo sorry for the loss of your sister. I think my children are my therapy because yes I have to make lunches etc.. My boys are 4 and 5 and they are also very funny. My mom loved them so much.

I find that I am in denial, it is not real for me at this point. I put it aside because it hurts too much to accept it. I feel like I could call her and she would answer.

Thanks for sharing with me, although I am sad that others feel this loss, it also comforts me to know that I am not the only one experiencing this nightmare.

Joanne (hugs)

    Bookmark   September 13, 2009 at 9:34AM
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please accept my deepest sympathy to you and your family. after 2 1/2 years it still seems like yesterday i lost my Al. they thought because he was a diabetic he was in a diabetic coma and he would come around, well he didn't. i chose for him to have his life support turned off, and to this day i am glad that i did and that he only had 4 hours after that, some people hang on for days and days, i think this is alot harder on the family, Any loss is hard but sitting there....well...
i noticed you are Canadian as well, so am i, i live in Ontario. Sick Kids is a wonderful hospital and they do fantastic things there.
i will admit i am still sad, i don't think i will ever get over losing Al.


    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 2:58PM
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Hi Joanne,

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I could have written your post a little more than three years ago. My mom had the same symptoms as your mom. She kept complaining about shoulder pain for months and even went for ortho surgery on her shoulder. After that she still didn't get better and her appetite was non-existent. When she was hospitalized for shortness of breath, the ER doctor ran a CT and found a mass in her lung. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and passed away 3 weeks after her diagnosis.

I wrote all this to tell you to be careful about your grief. I went thru a very hard time after my mother's death. I think part of the reason was the suddeness of her loss and being caught totally off guard and the guilt that I didn't realize how sick she was. My complicated grief evolved into a severe depression. I too tried to go through daily activities such as work, shopping, etc., but 6 months later I only felt more devestated and sad.

I sought the help of a grief couselor who recogized the symptoms were more than just grief.You don't have to wait until you find you can't deal with it to get help. I believe a grief couselor is always helpful to guide you through a severe life trama that can result from losing a loved one.

It will always be hard but you do get stronger and the joy will come back to your life. That's hard for you to believe but it will. I will keep you and your boys in my prayers.



    Bookmark   September 18, 2009 at 3:23PM
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I am sorry about the loss of your Al. It must of be horrendous what you went through.

I am in complete denial at this moment. I just cannot accept although last night I broke down. I feel like I can pull her back and things will be normal again.

Thank you for listening.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2009 at 11:09PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Lung cancer has taken my father and my sister. My sister's story was very similar to your mom's. She had severe shoulder pain, even had surgery to correct it, and kept feeling bad. One doctor told her it was all in her head and suggested an anti-depressant! Finally, they admitted her for tests, told her the surgery was a success, but that she had incurable stage 4 lung cancer. She was diagnosed in June, 2008 and died in November. We were shocked by how quickly she left us, so I can only imagine how you must be feeling.

I promise you, the days will get better with time, although they will never be the same. Your grief is fresh and raw, and you are handling it the best you can. You are smart to reach out and post your feelings. You are never alone here.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2009 at 9:52AM
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So sorry to hear about your father and your sister. I wish there was a way to get us through this pain without feeling it so much.

Thank you for sharing and your thoughtful words of encouragement.

It means a lot.


    Bookmark   September 21, 2009 at 1:00PM
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