6 month mark of my dad's passing
Today marks 6 months since my dad has passed away. I can't even explain my feelings about it all - sometimes its bearable (because it HAS to be bearable, I have no choice to not accept it), but other times it seems so frustrating. I can't even explain my feelings because I have a hard time even interpreting my feelings myself. My dad was extremely sick before passing away - 6 heart attacks, permanent kidney failure, both legs amputated, diabetic (type 1), and more. These things only happened within the past 2-3 years. These sicknesses only begin to list the problems my father faced, so this is what makes is bearable to know that he is in a better place and not facing these problems. Still, it all seems so "factual" and it seems just like my feelings are lost about it. Like, "this is what happened, so i have to believe it." i can't describe how i dont have my feelings associated with it - of course i am VERY emotional about it all, but when i talk about what happened, it seems like i talk about it in a matter of fact way and i can't get away from it. i can't stand to think about it either, because i can't stand to realize that i won't see my dad EVER again. EVER. forever is a long time, especially when you are in the begining of your life (young 20's). there is so much i want to talk to him about and i just want to "feel" that he is where he is.....wherever he is. I'm just utterly confused about everything and it's so hard to think about situations and work, when I'm trying to think about my dad and make this 6 month mark real......making it real is the hardest thing for me, it just seems not real?????