Grief, Loss of my mother

tammara1September 28, 2008

My mother died on August 27th. I am the only daughter and the oldest of 3 living children. I am completely numb most days and find it difficult to control my emotions. One of my brothers acts as if my feelings are beyond the norm. From all of the resources I have read through I am fine. I hate to use the word normal. There is never going to be a "normal" again. I am 45 years old and my children are grown. I love my family and we are extremely close and yet I feel so alone.

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I am sorry about your mom, but realize it will take a full year to asorb the loss etc. Also it is important to find a good grief course in your area. Being with others will answer some of your quesions. Look in the paper, social services at the hospital etc. Start a memory book and work on it each day, if you feel like it. Pictures, thoughts, letters etc.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2008 at 12:34PM
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I don't know about the one year business. I think it is different for everybody. Some people are closer to their parents than others. My mom passed almost 3 years ago and I still break down and cry almost every few days. We were very close and I miss her so very much. The one year time frame is beyond my comprehension. Perhaps for some that would be okay, but I certainly would not use that as a basis for every person and their time for appropriate grief.


    Bookmark   September 28, 2008 at 9:41PM
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I lost my Mom 4 years ago. I still cry a few times every month. Several years ago I asked her if she still thought about her Mother, My Grandma..she said "oh honey, I think about her everyday". I remember thinking how extraordinary that was. Now I get it.

I have to share this poignant moment I had. I had returned home from my Mom's funeral in another state. My hubby and I took care of his mother, who was wheelchair bound. She had her sister and cousin over. I was sharing what it was like to lose my Mother. Aunt Wanda, who was 80 started crying. I felt so bad that I made this old woman cry. Then she said "I was crying, because I was remembering MY MOTHER crying at Christmas time, because she missed HER MOTHER". I said "Let me get this straight, you are crying over your mother who was crying over her mother"? LOL. Ya know how you laugh and cry at the same time? I never had a moment in life like that..We women stared at each other. The bond women share, is so special. I now know how very important I am to MY DAUGHTER and only child. The memories I make with her will comfort her when I am gone. Still, I cry. She is expecting her first and most likely only child a boy. I am so sad my Mom didn't get to see him. But life goes on..and as bad as I miss Mom, a new grandchild is coming and a new chapter in my life.

Do you honestly think your brother gets how you feel? NO..most guys don't. So honey, you just grieve for your Mom as long as you need to. It is a testimony to the love you had for her. It will subside..but the deep longing for her will not go away. At least mine hasn't. But life is still full of joy. Take Care..

    Bookmark   September 30, 2008 at 1:17AM
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