I Miss My Dad!!!
I came on this site looking up information on replacement windows and ended up reading some of these posts. Needless to say I am sitting here balling. I lost my Dad very suddenly 5 months ago -6 weeks before my wedding. The days and weeks that followed were excrutiating. I never dreamt that I would have to walk down the isle without my Dad there beside me. But he was thrilled for me and my upcoming life with my new husband (his newest "son") so I went through with it, as planned, in his honor. Besides, I knew he would have been very angry with me if I had let ANYTHING deter the plan - even my broken heart. So for him, we forged ahead. It was difficult but I could feel him there. Mommy walked me down the isle and I know the sun was his smile shining down on me. As my friend was reading the prayer of the faithful, the geese began to skwak (we were married in a gazebo over the water). Now for those of you who don't know, in Ireland the holy spirit appears not as a Dove, but as a Goose! It was then I knew he was with us and that got me through the day. I thought that once my wedding was over that it would get better, but quite the opposite has happened. It seems that all I have been able to do is think of him and miss him terribly. He was my Hero and guide. He always made so much sense. I miss asking his advice, heating up his chinese food (it had to be super hot) and hearing his views on everything. And boy did he have views on everything! He was the most selfless man I had ever known and was always thinking of others before himself. I cry on a daily basis and some times are worse than others. I feel so badly for my husband who sometimes does not know how to deal with me. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm a mess. He just holds me and says he loves me, but I can't keep doing this. How can I let go of the grief of losing my father and be the wife and partner I need to be for my new husband? I just miss him so and the pain feels like a million pounds is sitting on my chest.