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nancy_r_texasSeptember 24, 2005

it has been 7 months since i lost my son. and the pain is the same. chris was 27 years old when he died from sads.everyone else seems to have moved on but i am stuck were i am.he left behind 2 step children and a set of twins, heather and hunter, and hunter looks just like his daddy.i have never felt such pain it is so over whelming.and nothing seems to help.reading other peoples stories is helping a bit i know im not alone. im glad i found this place its hard to find someone to talk to .thanks for letting me vent and hugs to all.

nancy

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bbear

I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you were able to share it here with us. It does help some to talk about it. Unfortunately I don't think the pain will ever go away. It is such a profound and life changing event that will be with you for the rest of your life. I know how much you love and miss him, and how hard that is to deal with.

Others have moved on because they were not his mother or father and will never understand what it means to lose your child. They think you should be over it by now. How wrong there are!

I do share your overwhelming pain. I lost my son almost 10 months ago. The tears will never dry up and I miss him so much.

Bbear

    Bookmark   September 24, 2005 at 4:09PM
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nancy_r_texas

Im so sorry sweety, its so hard and yes we both know how it feels, what happened to your son?mine died from sudden adult death . i have a daughter but shes at the age she dose not want to be cuddled , and thats all i want to do.thanks for writing to me its very sweet of you.
huggs to you Bbear.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2005 at 7:16PM
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socks

Keep us posted on how you are doing, Nancy. Many here can help with the crushing loss of a child. My heart aches for you.

Take care.

Susan

    Bookmark   September 25, 2005 at 9:19PM
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junemn

Nancy my heart goes out to you. It's been just over a month since our grandson Chris took his life. I feel like I just want to talk about him all the time. DH will talk for a while and then say "that's enough now". It isn't enough for me. I know what you mean about others moving on with their lives. It sometimes seems unreal that everything is going on around me and I'm just stuck in the one place. I just want to feel like a regular person and I don't. Please come here to talk and I know I will listen, your not alone.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2005 at 9:57AM
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lulie___wayne

Nancy, I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. I also have a 27 year old son and I don't know what I would do if something happened to him. We lost our 19 year old daughter 7 years ago. Below is a link to her site if you would like to get to know us. Being that I have lived 7 years of grief, I can tell you that in my experience, the hole in my heart is still there. The grief becomes different, but don't ever expect it to go away. I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you differently.
We have a new life now. We have to live our lives as they are now. For some people it does them good to try to do good things in our children's names such as scholarships, donations, tree plantings, and memorials. None of us want our children forgotten so this is a way to have them live on in a sense. Everyone has to find what works for them.
As far as talking about them, this is a safe place. If you would like to write about your son on a post to let us all know about his life as well as his death, we would love to read about him and get to know him. You can even post a picture.
Blessings!
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   September 26, 2005 at 3:20PM
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bbear

Posted by: nancy_r_texas (My Page) on Sat, Sep 24, 05 at 19:16

Im so sorry sweety, its so hard and yes we both know how it feels, what happened to your son?mine died from sudden adult death . i have a daughter but shes at the age she dose not want to be cuddled , and thats all i want to do.thanks for writing to me its very sweet of you.
huggs to you Bbear.

-------------------------------------------

Thanks for asking Nancy. Our son was 20 when he died. Since his early childhood he had problems with his shoulders. They easily popped out of their socket. Then recently it became terribly painful for him. We saw a surgeon who wanted to do surgery right away, which we did.

The surgery was a major failure. Leaving him in much greater pain than before surgery. If fact, it was physical therapy that made him stretch his shoulder in such a way that tore out the ligaments holding it in place. Something went terribly wrong in the first place for it to destroy the ligaments just from stretching it out. Afterwards his shoulder would not stay in its socket. He litterally had to physically hold his shoulder in place to keep it from falling out of its socket. The pain was searing.

The surgeon felt awful and was trying to schedule a new surgery. In the mean time while waiting for a new surgery date, my son was on pain medication. He had been waiting for many weeks for a new surgery date. It turned out that he died from a slight overdose. They think he took his next regular dose a little bit too soon. We found him face down on the floor of his bedroom. I could not get my wife away from him, as she just held him in her arms crying until help arrived after calling 911. He had been gone for quite some time by the time we found him, for about 14 hours.

In that instant, our lives were forever changed. Just a few days later the surgeons office called to tell us they had finally scheduled a new surgery date. I was in a fog, but believe the call was received on the day of the funeral or within a day of it. I am sure you all could imagine how that phone call felt. If only the first surgery was done right in the first place. Lots of what if's, but we fully understand that nothing can bring him back to us. This happened last December 4th. Even after 10 months it is still sometimes hard to even imagine that he is no longer with us. We just miss him so much...

    Bookmark   September 30, 2005 at 11:14PM
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EJP773

Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss and I understand so much of what you feel, as do many here. I lost my 30yr old son Glenn to cancer on the 18th of March this year and many days I am still walking around in a fog, dealing with everyday life but many days just watching the clock and waiting until it is time to crawl into bed and hide. My two boys were my reason for being and half of that reason is gone. It is so hard to watch the pain of Glenn's wife, his 7yr old son and his teenage step-daughter as they learn to live this new life. Being with our grandchildren is bittersweet, isn't it? Jake talks very naturally about his Daddy and I love telling him stories of when his daddy was a little boy. I am collecting photos etc, to make up into an album for him, perhaps you could do something similar for each of your grandchildren. I want to try and write little stories about the pictures that will help him to know and remember his daddy.
Not being able to talk to people makes it all so much more difficult. If there is one thing I have learned from this it is how important it is to let people talk whenever they wish to about the lost one, to have a laugh about old times and a cry.I wish I had people in my life who could do that for me. The other day, I got talking in a shop to a stranger whose mother had died a month ago and I think it was good for both of us as I asked her questions about her mother and let her talk and she did the same for me. Only a 20 minute conversation but we covered a lot of ground in that time.I know I am nowhere near ready to move on and "get over it" as some people wish. Your daughter is coping in her own way as is my younger son. He is so sad and not able to talk about his brother much. I hardly want to let him out of my sight but at the same time, seeing his pain hurts so much. It would be easy to become obsessive about the health of our remaining children but of course we cannot wrap them up in cottonwool and they have to live their own lives.
I haven't posted here for a while but I know how helpful it is to have a place to be able to come and share the emotions with people who do understand. The people here helped me during the months of knowing that I was going to lose my boy as well as at the time of his death. (((Nancy))) from Elspeth

    Bookmark   October 1, 2005 at 11:31AM
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