Heart Lurch . . .again

dian57September 23, 2004

While I was working yesterday, DH drove my son and his fiance to the airport for a trip to San Francisco. 1:35 pm take-off.

I kept mental note of the time during the day, telling myself, "he'll be fine."

All afternoon and evening the thought of a crash kept creeping in on me--"he'll be fine," I reassured myself.

My mind kept returning to an anticipation of repeated disaster and a resignation of powerlessness in the face of fate.

He called at 11:15 pm--they landed safely.

And I wept.

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Dian, I can relate to your worry. We want to keep our loved ones safe and when they are out of touch or on a trip just worry, worry, worry. I do the same thing when I dont hear everyday from my 21 year old daughter who is away at college. She is very understanding about my fears because she also worries about us. I've had people tell me that there is no use worrying,that it wont help but it is hard not to after losing someone so very dear to us. Julie

    Bookmark   September 23, 2004 at 9:56AM
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I know what you mean. My 23 yr old dd lives in Chicago, and I really never worried about her too much until my niece's death.

Now, I find my self jumping everytime the phone rings at an unusual hour, like it did the night of Nikki's acciedent. My dd teaches at an inner city school and this scares me, and always has.

I'm so glad your loved ones made it safely to their destination.


    Bookmark   September 23, 2004 at 11:27AM
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Hi Dian...it is SO hard. After losing one to a disaster, you are all too cognizant that it can happen again. I am glad they made the trip safely, and you made it ,too. A "developmental need" for grieving parents, I guess.
Good to hear from you. Derry

    Bookmark   September 23, 2004 at 3:05PM
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I never realized I would continue to worry about my kids even when they are grown.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2004 at 4:21PM
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I understand completely. My son is 27 and I worry about him every single day. I think I will worry about him forever until I am gone. I probably would have even if nothing had happened to Christin, but even more, now.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2004 at 2:57PM
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i still sleep with the phone next to my bed when my 23 year old son is not here...and when i hear his voice the next day i thank God that he is safe...that is a horrible feeling to always feel like something is going to happen....it makes me feel so neurotic and i know it is hard on him ....

    Bookmark   September 24, 2004 at 4:02PM
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