Reason to Live

dian57September 25, 2004

I have a very empathetic and compassionate brother-in-law who is the easiest person to talk to I know.

We started talking about Brian and how I feel if I didn't have Danny to live for, I don't know if I would have had the strength and courage to go on.

After letting me talk and talk along those lines he said, "Do you think because I have no children I have no reason to live?" I was so taken aback; that was exactly what I was saying about myself, not about him.

Do you think that once you become a mother you shift your purpose to your children? Do those without children have a strong sense of undiluted life purpose?

Is this making sense to anyone?

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It makes sense to me! I have a (almost) 3 year old, and one on the way, due in 3 weeks. I have come to feel that without my kids, I wouldn't know my purpose. I definately think there's a "shift". However, this 'only' pertains to those with kids, and I do NOT want this to mean that those without kids have no (or should have no) purpose.
It's a whole different ball game when you're a mom or dad.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2004 at 9:43AM
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Ditto Stef.

Also, as long as your brother-in-law has no children, he will never experience that particularly kind of loss. I think in addition to the "shift," which certainly seems real, it makes sense that a mother who has lost a child would focus intently on the other, in more than one way.


    Bookmark   September 25, 2004 at 2:23PM
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I agree too. Before Bryce was born we did everything spontaneouly & carefree. After he was born absolutely everything we did & decided was for him & his happiness. The second he came into the world our purpose shifted to him. Everyone has a purpose though, it's just different.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2004 at 4:23PM
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I would hope that everyone has a purpose and a reason to go on after loss. What helped keep you sane was your son, Danny. Maybe your BIL would live for his wife or parents or some other purpose.

When we lost our son all I wanted to do was make sure my daughter was ok. Although bringing her home was the most frightened I've ever been, she gave me something to focus on. I am so thankful that she's a happy, healthy child.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2004 at 4:32PM
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Hi Dianne....What do you mean by "Undiluted life purpose"? I'm not sure how to reply because I don't understand that term.
A local church is doing a 40 day emphasis on life's purpose, drawing on the book "The Purpose-Driven Life". I am anxious to read it and be involved with the lessons.
I think there are times in everyone's life when they wonder "just why am I here". Even those with children. Derry

    Bookmark   September 26, 2004 at 1:11PM
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I think people are born and over the years develop a strong sense of themselves. They are motivated and driven to grow, succeed, learn, experience and eventually to marry and have children. Please know that I'm talking about my own experience, not implying this is normal or the absolute way it is or should be for everyone.

No one could have prepared me for the massive internal changes, emotional/financial/physical/mental, that took place when I had my first child. Everything changed; from that moment on I held a piece of my heart in my arms.

My life purpose became to provide this child everything necessary to make him strong, secure, safe and healthy.

I wonder what would have driven me, given me purpose, had this child not come into my life.

I wonder if people who do not have children to focus on retain their purpose unchanged and undiluted. In no way am I suggesting that not having children makes one's life purposeless.

Now I wonder if I've clarified my fuzzy original thought or made it even worse!

    Bookmark   September 26, 2004 at 4:25PM
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