3 1/2 years and new heart ache
So as before I posted my momma passed away 3 1/2 years ago,and my newest fear is loosing my dad. He has came to me plenty of times and told me " I want you to go to the funeral home and help me plan my funeral so you don't have to do that when I pass away..he told me this a few days ago...I just tell him Im not ready to do that yet,Im not ready to face the reality of one day I dont have any parent's and I will be become more anti social then I am now and more torn. My dad in a big way has been my rock. We were never close before my mom died ,since she passed away we've gotten close I love my dad to death. I thought today it's going to suck more then anything when he passes away.I heard this song today called "you can let go now daddy" and the basis of the song is the father is dying and he's holding on to make sure she will be ok in life. Then I started thinking he can't ever let go, I know that sounds silly because I know everyone has to die some point in life,but like i said we've gotten close and I told my boyfriend and my dad before it's going to crush me to have to burrie him to. I have no clue how I will make it threw that when that day come's. I guess this fear comes from him having heart condition's in the past and hes a diabetic also. Since my mom died he's really been taking care of his health, my mom was young when she died she wont see my kids or help me plan my wedding or see me graduate college. I decided after my mom died to go back to school and get my highschool diploma and go to college to. I know my dad is proud of me no matter how hard the classes get and he knows i wanna just back out he alway's textes me and tell's me " IM PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR MOM IS TO" and that texts kills me. I know it seems like im babbling on but it helps me deal with stuff and stop being depressed...Is it normal to keep trivial crap of those who pass away?? I have so much trivial crap that I wont use but i pull it out and just look at it and remember my mom, I guess in a way it's my way of thinking she is still around?