3 1/2 years and new heart ache

chele28xxSeptember 28, 2009

So as before I posted my momma passed away 3 1/2 years ago,and my newest fear is loosing my dad. He has came to me plenty of times and told me " I want you to go to the funeral home and help me plan my funeral so you don't have to do that when I pass away..he told me this a few days ago...I just tell him Im not ready to do that yet,Im not ready to face the reality of one day I dont have any parent's and I will be become more anti social then I am now and more torn. My dad in a big way has been my rock. We were never close before my mom died ,since she passed away we've gotten close I love my dad to death. I thought today it's going to suck more then anything when he passes away.I heard this song today called "you can let go now daddy" and the basis of the song is the father is dying and he's holding on to make sure she will be ok in life. Then I started thinking he can't ever let go, I know that sounds silly because I know everyone has to die some point in life,but like i said we've gotten close and I told my boyfriend and my dad before it's going to crush me to have to burrie him to. I have no clue how I will make it threw that when that day come's. I guess this fear comes from him having heart condition's in the past and hes a diabetic also. Since my mom died he's really been taking care of his health, my mom was young when she died she wont see my kids or help me plan my wedding or see me graduate college. I decided after my mom died to go back to school and get my highschool diploma and go to college to. I know my dad is proud of me no matter how hard the classes get and he knows i wanna just back out he alway's textes me and tell's me " IM PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR MOM IS TO" and that texts kills me. I know it seems like im babbling on but it helps me deal with stuff and stop being depressed...Is it normal to keep trivial crap of those who pass away?? I have so much trivial crap that I wont use but i pull it out and just look at it and remember my mom, I guess in a way it's my way of thinking she is still around?

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I just wanted you to know how much I can identify with what you are going through. I know that is why I'm on this site, to find people that can relate to how I am feeling. I lost my dad almost twenty years ago and I had tremendous fears about losing my other parent after that. I believe it is just part of the grieving process and a natural realization to have after you lose a parent. Recently my fear was realized and I lost my mom to cancer. All you can do is know that no matter what you will be okay. You'll reach out to those around you and surround yourself with all the trivial crap that reminds you of them and somehow you'll get through it. In time, the pain will not be so sharp so often and you'll have happy days again. I know this may be little consolation to you now but it is true.

As for the posessions that you keep that remind you of her. I think it is great that you have them to keep close to you. Just remember that if they all went away, you'd still have all your memories of her. The posessions can feel very important but really it is the memories that are priceless. At least that is what I have come to realize. By the way, I appreciate your stream of consciousness, it is definitely not babble.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2009 at 5:53PM
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I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. I know you will miss her for the rest of your life. That being said, I think that you should go with your dad to plan his funeral. It most likely will be years before it is needed. However, if he died suddenly, you would feel horrible that you did not do this for him. You would also spend your time second guessing what he would want you to do. It is much harder to plan a funeral when something happens suddenly. Your dad is looking for some peace to know that his final plans are made, and you know what he wants. It will be hard on you, but having to make those plans in a hurry can be so much worse.

Think about it -- how many times have you planned for emergencies that don't happen? You take an umbrella, but it doesn't rain -- things like that. I would make the plans hoping that I wouldn't need them for a long time. It is kind of an insurance policy. (This is how I mentally prepare for things).

Now, as hard as it might seem, picture yourself making your dad's final plans in 2 scenarios. 1st, with him with you, letting you know what he likes and wants. Then, with him not alive, and you trying to remember what he said that he wanted. I promise you, that when he does go to join you mom, you will be comforted by the fact that you helped him make his arrangements. Remember, this is a gift you are giving him.

Bless you.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2009 at 12:34AM
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