My Dad is dying...

sharon620September 18, 2007

Hello Everyone,

My dad has stage 4 melanoma. He was diagnosed last week after having emergency surgery for a ruptured bowel. Since having surgery he has been just stairing, unable to move at all and just talking very little. They since told me his brain is also bleeding.

Dad turns 69 on Sept 18th. I am so heartbroken knowing this is his last birthday being alive. Watching him die is just terrible. I miss him so much already. I have no idea what to do.


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Sharon, I am very sorry and feeling sad for you. All I can say is just be there for him. When my mom was fading fast I took off from work just to be there at her side and talk about old times. The memories of being there are comforting. Try to stay upbeat for your dad, no matter how hard it is.


    Bookmark   September 18, 2007 at 9:52AM
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Sharon, you have my sympathy. It must be especially hard since you had so little warning.

Keep in mind that hearing is the last to go. Tell him whatever is in your heart. Assure him that the two of you will see each other again. I know you will.


    Bookmark   September 18, 2007 at 11:13AM
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Dear Duane and Susan,
Thank you so much for your support. As I sit in his hospice room and talk to him, I cannot help but think he just wants to go. He cannot talk or communicate because of the brain tumor but he looks at you in such a way that I do know what he is saying. He cannot even tell us if he is in pain.
I asked him quite a few times tonight if his head hurt and he said yes. He was shaking his feet and hands and I said do they hurt too and he shook his head yes. Even if he really wasn't in pain, I wasn't going to let this go by. I called the nurse and she gave him morphine.
Do you know he waited until I came back fromt he nurses station to go to sleep?
This entire process really hurts.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2007 at 12:29AM
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Sharon, my heart aches for you. It has to hurt you so much to see him in that condition. We are always are parents children, and the love we have for them, and them us, is so strong that it hurts to the very core when it is time to say goodbye. I am praying that his pain will go away, and for you to stay as strong as you can for his sake. Bless you.


    Bookmark   September 20, 2007 at 9:31AM
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Sharon - my thoughts are with you and your Dad.

You mentioned your sense of your Dad wanting to pass. Perhaps he is waiting for your permission to do so. Holding on to life is one of man's greatest strengths but it can cause great pain for all involved as you are experiencing.

My FIL suffered a massive stroke and was left in a vegetative state beyond all hope of recovery. After a few weeks of watching him decline in the hospice, his daughter told him that we would all be alright and he could go. He did a few hours later. Coincidence or not, I'm not certain. But for us it seemed like the right thing to do.

Prayers to you and your family,


    Bookmark   September 20, 2007 at 10:41AM
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I am so sorry for you and your family. I lost my dad in April; he had just turned 72. He had liver cancer, and lasted only 4 months from the time he was diagnosed.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but what I can tell you is that you may feel a sense of relief when your dad passes. Of course you will still grieve for him and miss him, but knowing that he is no longer suffering may bring you some peace; it did for me.

I still miss my dad terribly, but I think he is watching over me and my family. Two weeks ago my husband totalled my car when he tried to avoid some debris on the highway. He walked away with minor srcatches- it was a miracle. I really think my dad helped him out.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2007 at 10:43PM
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Sharon, my heart goes out to you and your family. I just went through something similar with my husband this past April. He died of pancreatic/liver cancer - it was the most horrible death imaginable!

    Bookmark   September 22, 2007 at 8:48PM
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My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2007 at 10:24PM
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Thank you for your prayers and concerns. I thought I may just give you an update on my Dad. Right now he is just stairing and cannot move. He also cannot speak a word. I try and talk with him about different things (like the kids, sports etc) but there is no response. He just looks at you,
Today we found out that he has 3 bleeds on his brain. It shouldn't be too much longer.
It sounds selfish but I want my healthy dad back.
Praying for all of you!

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 2:28PM
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No Sharon, it is not selfish at all. Of course you want your healthy dad back.

I arrived at the hospital the night before my dad died. At that point he was in a lot of pain, and didn't speak much. My biggest regret is that I didn't get there sooner so I could have had a chance to talk to him, but he declined so quickly, and I live so far away the it couldn't be helped. He did know that all his children were there, and I take some comfort in that fact.

Hearing is the last sense to go, so even though your dad is unresponsive, he probably does still hear you. Just keep on talking to him.

God bless you , your dad, and your family.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 10:34AM
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I know what you are going sister was diagnosed end of July with lung cancer that had already spread to parotid gland and brain. She died on Sept. 24. Because of the brain tumours, she was hard to understand at times and the last few days was mostly asleep. She had morphine every 4 hrs and more if needed. Just be there as much as you can...I used to just sit and knit even when she was asleep because I felt she knew I was there. I was with her when she died...I was getting ready to leave because they felt she would be okay for the night and then within 10 minutes she died...I think she died then because she knew I wanted to be with her. It still seems as if it wasn't true...I go to call her so many times a day. My thoughts are with you.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2007 at 9:30PM
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My best friends dad is dying and like i dont have a father at home never met him and her dad is like my dad and i havent seen him in the hospital yet im so crushed but i eel like im thinking about the wrond thing bcause im thinking about how i dont have a dad to do this with and im a mess what do i doo

    Bookmark   February 16, 2011 at 4:15PM
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