Missing out on an important day

BrycesmommySeptember 1, 2004

Well tomorrow was supposed to be Bryce's first day of school. He was so excited. It's always a very emotional time for a parent dropping their baby off on their first day of school. I just couldn't believe how fast he was growing up. Just thinking of everything I'm going to miss now devastates me even more. First day of school, graduating, getting married. All those things you look forward to seeing someday. How do you get through the really bad days?? Birthdays, or any really important days, etc?? or just bad days in general. So far we went through his birthday a couple weeks after he died and father's day was a bad day for my husband. I am dreading times like these.

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socks

I haven't been through such a tragic loss as yours, but I would think it would be helpful if you are not alone. Maybe try to do something simple, low-key like take in a pleasant movie.

I'm so sorry for your crushing loss.
I send you a cyber-hug().

    Bookmark   September 1, 2004 at 10:43AM
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gardenbug

Your loss is unique. I will never know what you are going through. Each situation is different.
I feel that when you go through the first year of loss it must be beyond dreadful when you imagine what things might have been like. But do remember, it is imagining. I imagined many of the things you mention too. None of my children attended graduations. A wedding has never happened with my two children. (28 and 33) I have had the tearful meeting with my daughter about her female partner though. This too was a form of grieving for me over the anticipated joys. Things have changed now...but the traditional milestones never happen in our family. Having a husband and others to share with makes an immense difference at these times.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2004 at 3:33PM
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des_arc_ya_ya

How about assembling a backpack of needed school supplies and taking them to the school where he would have attended? I'm sure that there is some needy child who doesn't have all he needs to start school. Just a thought - you might even establish a type of annual gift to the school in Bryce's name? ((Brycesmommy))

    Bookmark   September 1, 2004 at 8:44PM
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Brycesmommy

Thanks Des_Arc_Ya_Ya That is a wonderful idea. I'm always trying to think of things to do that would make him happy and be comforting for us at the same time. We have donated to a few different places that had some kind of meaning to him so this will be another thing to add to it. Thank you so much.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2004 at 9:14PM
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lulie___wayne

You may also go talk to the principal and ask if you all could plant a tree on the school grounds in Bryce's memory.
You can watch it grow through the years and it could be something that will benefit others and at the same time, keep Bryce's memory alive.
Those special days are difficult, but you have to keep telling yourself that there are no guarantees that any of these events in his life would have been happy ones. It is always easy for us to think of "if only's" in a happy sense, but they may not have been happy.
One of my husband's hang ups about Christin is that she never got to experience a happy marriage like ours has been. Well, I keep telling him, that IF she would have gotten married, it may have been a living h*ll for her. Who knows????? She could have been diagnosed with a horrible disease had she lived. There's just no way of knowing. I like to try to think that our babies are in heaven and happy and safe and we will see them again.
That's what gets me through the hard times.
You may also want to start a scholarship fund in Bryce's name. We did that in Christin's name in two universities.
It will go on and on and on even after we are gone.
I know it's hard, but you will survive and it does get easier. I wish I had more to offer. I'm sorry.
Lu

    Bookmark   September 2, 2004 at 1:18AM
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Nell Jean

I have to think my child was "taken away from the evil to come," as it says in Isaiah 57. It's small comfort, but I do believe it.
Nell

    Bookmark   September 2, 2004 at 10:21PM
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starduster

Oh, how awful to go through this. Birthday's pass, special days pass.. and the Holidays.

Whenever, My mother and fathers Birthday comes and mothers day, comes. I always look at the cards.. But, I know I will never buy a mothers day card again, nor a Birthday card for her. It really hurts, and I avoid those aisles in the stores.. in fact I dont even like mothers day no more.. I don't celebrate with my family... it just does not seem right... I can't do it...

    Bookmark   September 7, 2004 at 1:22AM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Brycesmommy, just now checked your page and realized that our youngest DGD was born exactly four days before your Bryce. I can only imagine the heartache that you feel. Hugs to you and your family.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2004 at 1:32AM
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Bowdoin

Brycesmommy,
I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious boy. Days like these are never easy to get through, and oh how I wish I had a solution for you to get past these times. I lost a son 18 yrs. ago, shortly before birth, and I still think of the first day of school, buying new clothes, having a new lunchbox and all that stuff. It doesn't choke me up as bad as it used to, but this past June my son would have graduated...and was I ever taken back when it was prom time this past June! Never thought it would have been as hard as it was.
The ideas that the above folks have given as far as ways of remembering Bryce are most excellent. Have you thought of donating some toys that Bryce might have liked to a local daycare? Or maybe even some books to the schools' library, inscribed with his name & dates.
Do whatever you need to do to get through the rough times. Glad you're here with us, and at the same time, sorry that you're having to be here. HUGS!!!!
Emma in PA

    Bookmark   September 8, 2004 at 8:36AM
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trinitytx

there are so many wonderful idea here. sweet.

trin

    Bookmark   September 21, 2004 at 9:34PM
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dcrowex

just wondering how you are doing today....this was a tough period for you to get thru...i am so sorry.

deb

    Bookmark   September 22, 2004 at 12:03PM
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