My Mother passed away recently. The pain is worse than I expected
I lost my 82 year old Mother at the end of July this year and feel much worse than I imagined it would be. I'm a 56 year old man that set myself up for heartbreak, I guess. I became her best friend since her divorce from my father 20 years ago. I was the son that helped her the most regarding personal and practical matters- chatting every day on the phone about her VFW singles dance nights or fixing her furnace, taking her grocery shopping, etc. She started staying at my house more and more to recover from 2 hip surgeries, for example. As I was caring for her my social life started to suffer and didn't care. I was more than happy to give that up and more to help her. Last year she started feeling weaker, with what turned out to be congenital heart failure, so she moved into my house again. The stays would last a month or so, then in the hospital to rehap back the my house. The cycle ended in July when she went back to the hospital and suffered a dramatic setback- confusion, Copd symptoms, high and irregular heart rate. I visited once or twice a day til the Sunday morning when my brothers stood by her as she passed away. We went through the funeral planning, attendance and necessary immediate business in kind of a state of shock like everyone must feel. What's left now is a big space in the half of the house she stayed in, her belongings and her 18 and a half (!) year old Yorkie that I now care for. I'm single, uninterested in old buddies or old flames, no sisters, a detached relationship with my Dad & no longer able to continue doing what I loved best- being my Mom's caretaker. The depression, sadness, anxiety, racing thoughts and memories of a Mother and a companion are still very painful. One tip for right now- try to stay up as late as you can to avoid insomnia and wake up later, instead of 4:00 AM every day- pretty sickening. The mornings are tough because you have energy (or anxiety) and have to face the day. The later it gets in the day the more relaxed and tired you seem to get. I'll pass on some tricks to feeling better later. I also appreciate reading ideas people with our feelings pass on to help each other get through it.