not a death, but still grieving
Today was the hardest day of my life, I had to put my 18 year old son into a residential drug rehabilitation program. The choice was so difficult to make, but I knew if I didn't do it, I would be posting here as the grieving mother of a son who either od'd, got shot, or was in a horrible traffic accident. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this "other" type of grief. I should have been out tonight purchasing clothes for my son to take away to school with him. Instead, I had to go shopping for rehab-appropriate attire (they make them wear button down shirts and ties). This was to be the month that I proudly sent my son out into the world to spread his wings. I am disappointed, broken hearted, angry and completely devastated. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I know I did the right thing in not enabling him anymore, but I still feel guilty. I can't stop from going into his room and laying on the bed crying. He's my golden child, my gifted, advanced placement kid with the super high SAT score. I don't know what I did wrong, or how I could have changed things. I don't know if I did the right thing by forcing him into rehab. The littlest thing sets me off crying...but part of me feels like it's not really acceptable to be grieving. That I need to just suck it up and get over it. I don't know how though.