If you want to kiss someone, go to a train station.

alisandeAugust 30, 2004

That's what my mother used to advise, back in the 1950s. Actually, she said, "...go to Grand Central Station." We lived in New York. The rationale, of course, was that at a train station everyone is kissing goodbye, so a romantic couple could just blend in.

I thought of this two days ago, on my way to a memorial service. I started getting tearful talking about Jill, and realized that I'd probably gone too long without one of my "good cries." I hoped I wouldn't start spilling over at awkward times, and then I thought, what better place to get weepy than at a memorial service? Indeed.

I silently wept through the service, using up tissue after tissue. Only some of the tears were directly for my daughter, but all were indirectly for her, emanating from from my grieving core that reacts instantlyÂand in some cases, overreactsÂto moving situations anywhere. It was a beautiful service, hugely attended...and the people seated around me must have thought the deceased and I were extremely close. That was hardly the case. :-)

Susan

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Nell Jean

One thing that astounded me was that several months after Gary died, I went to speak at a community memorial service at which I had spoken on previous occasions. I thought I had it all together. I didn't. They understood. I was terribly embarrassed. I meant my grief to be private, certainly in front of all those atrangers who had also had a loss in the previous year. They still understood. I'll know this December just how well they understood.

    Bookmark   August 30, 2004 at 8:52PM
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dian57

Susan, interesting you bring up memorial services. Since Brian died I have only attended one funeral, that of my father-in-law. I feel I made a spectacle of myself at certain points (they played Garth Brooks' The Dance as we did for Bri). I've avoided all others since.

While I have become more accustomed to tearing up and doing some crying in public, I'm far from comfortable weeping loudly around anyone. I do my "best" weeping, the beating the chest, wailing, wrenching stuff when I'm alone in my house with the windows closed. Thank God those times have gotten farther and farther apart.

Here's something else--if you go to the airport and sit in your car near a runway, you can scream yourself hoarse without embarrassment. I haven't done this since 9-11 and wonder if Homeland Security would allow anyone so close to a runway anymore.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2004 at 7:36PM
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socks

Most of us would prefer to do our weeping privately, but it is difficult to have that level of self-control.

I always had a strong wish to speak at my mother's memorial service. We were like best friends, and I knew I would probably fall apart. I don't want to do that in front of a group. My doctor gave me a prescription for a tranquilizer, and I was able to do a good job speaking at the service. I have never taken a medication like this, and would like to think I have the inner strength to carry through without a drug, but it made it possible for me to do what I wanted to do.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2004 at 10:55AM
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starduster

Susan, that was a lovely story.. I don't have a place like that to go to. I've been using the shower.. I cry.. but, at first I found myself sobbing so loudly.. now I cry in the shower with soft sobs... I just don't want anyone to bother me when I want to cry.. I know I cry a lot.. but, the shower helps me for now

    Bookmark   September 7, 2004 at 1:25AM
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SadieSadie

A friend of my husband passed away and we went to the funeral (about a year after we lost my dad). I cried so hard at the visitation that I swear people thought I'd been having an affair with the deceased!

    Bookmark   September 9, 2004 at 10:20PM
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lulie___wayne

LOL, Sadie!!
Susan, I've done the same thing in various instances, but I think all people do. I kinda felt a little deceitful. Although, I never told anyone that I was sobbing because of Christin.
Lu

    Bookmark   September 10, 2004 at 6:20PM
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marry

After loosing our son I did alright in public for several months and then lost it big time in the drug store at Easter time. I'd always bought 3 of everything, now I was only having to buy 2. I just stood there in the aisle with the peeps and chocolate bunnies and just sobbed. I don't even remember how I got home from the store that day.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2004 at 1:47AM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Marry, I did the same thing the first Mother's Day I only had one card to pick out - not two. My MIL had passed away and it hit me all over again when I went to pick out my Mom's card.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2004 at 4:40AM
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