I lost my mother today and I've never felt so alone.

azureskyAugust 29, 2008

My mother died from bronchiatis or COPD. She also had Schizophrenia, was off her meds, and refused to go to the doctor. I feel so sad and empty. This shouldn't have happened. I should have gotten her help sooner. I was going to take her to the doctor the next morning . I wanted her to get a good night's rest before I took her to the doctor. I wish I had done so many things differently. Besides the guilt I feel,I just miss her. I can't believe this has happened and I'm never going to see her again. I don't know how to cope with this. I don't know what to do.

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The doctors think she had a heart attack. I miss how much she loved me . She was a warm loving kind person. I'll never get over not hearing her voice or her laughter. I miss seeing her and talking with her. I don't know how my family and I are going to get through this.

    Bookmark   August 30, 2008 at 11:35AM
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It sounds like your Mother was a very caring person. I am sorry that you are in so much pain. While it is quite common to review the situation and play the "If only I had..." or the "What if...." try staying focused on the love and friendship that you both shared. I will pray for you and your family and remain confident that in time and with the peace that only God can provide you and your family will get through this part of your life.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 4:57PM
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I'm so sorry.

It's hard enough to lose a dear one;
please don't torture yourself with "if I'd only..."

You did as much for her as anyone could have, & your mother knew that.

She knew you loved her.

As time goes by, you'll be able to remember her with love & with joy.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 6:12PM
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I know you don't feel it now, but it will get easier. You will smile again I promise. One day you will feel peace again, I promise. I lost my mom 2 yrs ago. Yes, it still hurts. I cried tonight, out of the blue, because I missed her.But it is the first time in 2 months that I have done that. I have came a long way. I am not where I want to be, but I thank God I am not where I used to be.I am still healing. Please remember this. Nobody, not even God, can fully take your mother away.You will always be part of your mother. You have her genes, her blood, maybe her hands, maybe her eyes, maybe you laugh like her, walk like her. She made you. You were inside of her, and you are part of her, always. You can't get away from that. She is with you everywhere. Go outside, look up at the stars, and talk to her. Find a star, that you connect to, and close your eyes. Connect with her, and she will guide you. She is your angel now.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 11:22PM
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I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear mother. My heart goes out to you.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2008 at 6:44PM
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My God. I lost my mom on 6/25/08. I am still going through the "If onlys".
Your words are like my words. I hope we both get through this part of grief.
I have been going to support groups and it really helps, I don't feel so alone.
No one around me feels like I do and it helps to be with other people who do.
If you feel up to it and if you are anywhere around Palo Alto, CA check out
Kara for grief support. www.kara-grief.org If you are not in this area ask a
social worker at the local hospital or hospice care services. May God bless you
and send you lots of love. I pray for God to give my mama hugs and tell her
how much I love her; it helps a little.

    Bookmark   September 2, 2008 at 5:43PM
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Thank you to all of you who responded to my post. I appreciate the kind words, prayers, and advice. I'm trying my best to get through this. I know that the rest of my family is hurting too but they seem to be dealing with this better than I am. I was very close with my mother. I know that she loved me and probably wouldn't blame me for what happened to her. I have no way of knowing if I had done things differently, how everything would have turned out; but it's still difficult not to blame myself. Right now I'm still in the process of funeral preparations. When all of that is over I'm considering going to support group and perhaps getting a prescription for an antidepressant.

    Bookmark   September 2, 2008 at 7:56PM
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Azure, I am so sorry for your loss. From what you wrote, I can see you were doing what you thought was best. Your intentions were honest and you were doing what you thought was right. You are to be admired for caring, for loving, and for being loved. Please take care.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2008 at 6:57PM
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Azuresky, I am in a similar situation that you were in. My mother died at 56 2 weeks ago. She also had mental illness (schizophrenia) and was afraid to see the doctor. I feel like i should have done more, when i found her there was no food in the fridge. I feel responsible. I should have done more...i hope things are getting easier for you. Because right now i don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't see her as much as i should, and i was always in a rush when i did...i miss her so much.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2008 at 11:27AM
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