I'm a 45 year old SAH mom. I've been overweight practically my whole life. I'm 5'9", and I weigh 350 lbs. I've been a yo-yo dieter for so many years, I've just about given up. I've got so many comorbidities, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression. In addition to that, I'm hurting so much. My joints have just about given out. I've been to physical therapy for both knees, and now my ankles have become so painful that I can't walk without limping. It's so difficult to just get up from the couch or go up and down the stairs. I stopped going to physical therapy because it's pointless if the weight doesn't start to drop. I did Weight Watchers about a year and a half ago. I was able to lose 40 lbs. I got so close to the 300 mark, which I haven't gotten below since having my three kids. I stopped after five months, and now I've gained it all back plus some. It happens every time I've ever dieted...gain it all back plus some. I've tossed around the idea of surgery, went so far as to consult a doctor several years back, but I chickened out. I most certainly qualify.
My thoughts are, other than the risks involved in having surgery...what about what got me here in the first place: My lack of self-control??? How can I go through an invasive surgery if my head isn't there yet? It's sweets. It's always been sweets. Cakes, cookies, pies, ice cream. Forget regular food, although I could do better with that too. But there's something about sweets that I can not control. I'm so ashamed to admit this. When I was younger, I'd blamed my bad childhood, taken by my mom and step-father at age 7 and dragged around the country with my three younger siblings for over two years trying to escape my dad, sexually abused the whole time by my step-father. Kidnapped by my dad and taken back home, only our home wasn't our home anymore...blah, blah, it goes on and on. But the reality is I'm 45, and you'd think I'd have figured it all out by now. I can't explain how sweets make me feel. It's completely indescribable. I know what I should and should not do, but it's like something takes over me. This is all very embarrassing, having such a lack of self-control and willpower. I know I'm at great risk of just dropping dead. I've got a husband and three teenagers who I need to be here for...I just don't know what to do.