Grieving the loss of my mother

joannegrecoAugust 25, 2007

Hello...first let me offer my condolences to those who are grieving for a loved one.

Today is seven weeks that my mother passed away. Just typing those words is difficult. We were so close and I miss her terribly.

I'll share more as I go along but for now I just wanted to start with an initial post.

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I know what you mean about those words being hard to type. Just the words you never wanted to type.

You didn't share much about about your loss, but of course 7 weeks isn't long as far as the grieving process is concerned. I too still miss my mom after 4 years. Sometimes I just cannot believe she is gone. I wish I could pick up the phone and call her to bring her up to date on everything.

Your mom was lucky to be close with you. It's just what moms love, keeping a good relationship with their children. It really was a gift to her.

Take care, and let us know how you are doing.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2007 at 7:14PM
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Thank you for replying. It means a lot.

It's ironic you mentioned picking up the phone. The other day I was alone in the house (my husband and kids were out) and I started talking outloud to her-just telling her about my day. After a few minutes, I felt weird doing it but I wanted to continue to I picked up the phone and spoke into it while I walked around and cleaned my house. It felt really good to do that.

    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 9:00PM
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Joanne, you might also write to her. For a time after my daughter died I would write journal entries as if I were speaking to her.

It's good that you posted here. Tell us more when you can.


    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 11:00PM
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Hi Joanne, I miss my mom too. She has been gone two years this coming January and I just still cannot believe it. It is just inconvievable to me even now. As much as it hurts it is kind of a blessing to have her memory and presence so close to the surface and so strong. She was the closest person to my heart and nothing in this world can hurt me worse. You have a husband and kids. That too is a blessing. Stay close to them, cry when you need to. Don't let anyone tell you what your time frame is for grieving. There isn't one amount of time. I plan on grieving for the rest of my life in some capacity...and I know that when my time on earth is over I can look forward to having my mom greet me on the other side.


    Bookmark   August 29, 2007 at 6:06PM
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Hello Susan and Duane...

My thoughts to both of you on the loss of your loved ones.

Writing is a great idea...I've been keeping a journal since a few days after she passed. I haven't so much written to her, but more of things I don't want to forget, like our last conversation, or what I did when my husband told me she had passed.

Duane...I feel as you do-she is the closest person to my heart. We had such a strong bond.

My father passed away 20 years ago and I'm feeling weird without parents at this age (I'm 44). I feel like an orphan almost. Such a strange feeling.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2007 at 7:57PM
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My mother has been gone almost 7 months and I miss her terribly. This forum helped me deal with it in the weeks after it happened and I thank you all for the comfort you gave me.

We've now done everything we wanted to do to celebrate her life. My brother and I took her ashes back home and buried them in the family plot with my father and other family members. The whole family had a vacation together over her birthday in July and talked/laughed/cried about her. I planted red geraniums - one of her favorites - all over my garden this year as a memorial too. I keep thinking that with all of these goodbyes completed, I should be able to let go. Mom was 89 (would have been 90 in July) and lived a good life. It was her time and she really was ready to go. But I look back at the past 7 months and realize I'm still grieving. At work, my desk is a mess and I have projects uncompleted. At home, my house is cluttered and my garden is weedy. I've gained weight and just can't seem to get off the sofa. I stay up too late and am sleepy during the day. Sounds just like depression to me. My brother has shared with me that he's feeling the same things. Joanegreco says she feel like an orphan at 44 and I can tell you that at 54 I feel the same. I still reach for the phone to call her. When anything happens one of my first thoughts is about sharing it with her. I recently got a kitten and I think several times everyday how much she would have enjoyed him. I honestly didn't anticipate that these feelings would still be so strong after 7 months. Now that it's September, I've been thinking about the Holidays and hate the thought of Thanksgiving and Christmas without her.


    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 1:05AM
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Hi Kate,

Yes, the holidays are going to be hard. My mother LOVED Christmas and was like a little child mesmirized and in awe of the magic of the season. She loved decortaing and listening to Christmas songs and watching all the shows on TV.

I totally understand....


    Bookmark   September 18, 2007 at 11:41PM
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I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. It has to be so hard. I am in the process of losing my father to cancer and a bleed on his brain and it is so difficult just watching. I cannot imagine what is to come ahead is like. I just think greiving like we are means that we love them so much.
I am not sure what to offer you, but please know if you would like to talk you could write or IM me.

Bless your heart!

    Bookmark   September 20, 2007 at 12:20AM
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hi joanne, i just want to say that you should do whatever feels right to you just now, talking to your mum outloud is totally normal i still do it now, it was my mums 8yr rememberance last month i was 18 when i lost my mum and still have my down days i have so much that i want to tell her i have a 5 yr old son and tell her all about him and ask for her advise as its comforting, the pain will never leave but neither will the bond that i had with her, she lives on in my heart and in my memories, i made a memory book with lots of pics of my mum from when she was a baby pics of me and her that i love, also birthday cards from me to her, sympathy cards from family after she died the cards from the flowers at the funeral it just lets me know how much she ment to other people as well as me and its nice to show people that never met her plus my son looks at it too and knows who his gran is, remember everyone grieves differently just do what feels right

iwould like to add my thoughts are with you sharon i too had to watch my mum for weeks and know what its like
take care
kirsty x

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 6:37AM
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I am very sorry about your Mom As my Dad is in the process of passing, I feel like he is already gone. It is an awful feeling.
Best of luck to you.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 2:22PM
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(((Sharon))) I know how hard it is. Keep posting here-everytime I do it makes me feel better. When other people reach out and understand, it's helps so much.

Kristy...that memory book sounds beautiful. I bet it brings you a lot of comfort.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 3:26PM
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I am so happy I found this site. I have been looking for a site where I know others can relate to how I might be feeling. I lost my Mom on August 18th,2007, after a 10 month battle with lung cancer. She was 68 years old. It is so surreal. I find myself wanting 5 more minutes with her just to hug her. I now feel it is my responsibility to care for my Dad. I cannot stand to see him sitting in that house night after night alone. I have 7 other siblings, but I think they stay away because it is too hard to see Dad. I feel cheated because my life is now consumed with figuring out how to take care of Dad. I want time to grieve as well. Sharon--you said your Dad is passing away from cancer. We kept a bedside vigil with my mom for 4 days. She died at home. During that time I told my mom all of the things I wanted to but never did. My advice is that you do the same. I think it helped me. People say that hearing is the last sense to go, and that people dying hear everything. Take advantage of the time you have left, even though it will not feel like enough. I will pray for you as you go through this journey with your Dad.
Kate G.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 12:17PM
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Hello and my condolences to everyone. I'm 34 years old, and I just lost my mother to cancer 6 months ago. I helped take care of her for the last few months of her life, and was by her side when she passed. It was undoubtedly the hardest moment of my life. I've been having dreams about her since she died. She is usually alive in the dreams, and I'm very confused, having the memory of being there when she passed, and then there she is alive. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid that I actually rub my eyes, and ask myself if it's just a dream, and I wind up thinking it's real. This leaves me elated, then I awaken, only to remember she is gone, and the grief hits me like a ton of bricks. Has anyone else experienced this?? It's over and over again, and I don't know how much more I can take.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2008 at 1:19AM
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My thoughts go out to all of you. I just lost my mom just over 4 months ago to pancreatic cancer at the age of 63. What i find difficult is how the world just keeps going on around you when you just want to die inside. I know realistically life goes on, but i cant get past the depression and i feel like the world around me has just swept it all under a rug. Anyone relate to these feelings?

    Bookmark   January 30, 2011 at 3:04AM
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I lost part of my being on Friday, December 10th, 2010. I can't accept that my mommy is gone. She was ALWAYS there for me. Although very lucky to have had her for 76 years, I was not ready to let her go and yet, there were times when I would pray to God that he have mercy on her and take her. She had been through soooo much pain. Mom was always a productive, talented and caring person. She always went for the underdogs. She reached out to all less fortunate or shunned by others. Mom never had her biological mother by her side - my grandma died at the age of 34 when my mom was only 2 years old. My grandfather remarried and the woman he married, forbid my grandfather to show any affection toward my mom. Mom was always hungry for love - at times needy, but she always gave more than she ever received. When I got the call that mom had not survived a massive heart attack I froze. I don't really remember much but my co-workers said I screamed. I was taken into an office. I live in Pittsburgh and my family lives in Florida. I don't remember the flight. I kept replaying my last conversation with her of the night before. I was going to call her at lunch but I only had 10 minutes left and decided "no-she'll keep me on the phone for ever so I better not call her" Oh how I wish I had. I could have heard her voice one more time. One last time. I find myself picking up the phone to call her and then it dawns on me that she is not going to answer. I too get angry at times. How can people laugh? How can people expect me to "get over it"? Her body was my first home, my first love, my constant best friend who stood by me no matter what. The person that loved me regardless. And then I have the added pain of knowing how much pain my dad is feeling. They had been married 57 years! Where you saw one, you saw the other. My dad is so far away. I can't be with him and it hurts so much. Sometimes I secretly wish I would go to sleep and not wake up so that I can be with her, but then I rationalize and think, "what are you thinking?! You have a family to love just like she loved you!" I keep hoping for a "sign". I want to see her, feel her, something - anything. Oh God this hurts so much. I cry at the drop of a hat. I went to the mall and a woman went by me wearing mom's scent - I lost it. Much like I'm loosing it now. I don't think I'll ever get "over it". I'm exhausted now. It's 1:32am. I'm going to bed and maybe tonight I'll sleep. If I'm lucky, I'll dream of my mom - my angel.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 1:34AM
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I lost my mother and best friend February 3 2011. I'll never forget this date for the rest of my life, and now I hate the month of February. Losing my mother was sudden and unexpected. The phone call still plays over and over in my mind. I wonder how long the "denial" stage of the greiving process will last...I still can't actually believe she is gone and I will never see her again. The sadness is overwhelming and no one understands. Life is going on all around me, and I get angry at how people can laugh and joke, don't they know what I am going through!? I keep telling myself that everyday will get easier. I miss her so much, my heart and soul are empty and my life is dark without her. I am 31 yrs old, and as I am so very grateful that we were so close and share so many great memories, I can't help but cry and feel sad that she isn't going to be here when I get married and have babies. The biggest, most important times of my life, when I will need her the most! She is so much more than a mother to me...she is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on and my rock. She is and always will be my heart and I know one day I will see her again. I miss you mom, and Love you forever.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2011 at 3:39AM
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I miss my mother. I miss her more than words could ever explain, it is so overwhelming. I miss her voice, her face, her laugh, her smell, her everything. I lost her Feb. 11th, nearly a few weeks ago. I am only 25 years old, and need her. She is my heart. She is my bestfriend. She is my son's beautiful grandmother, he asks about her constantly. I can't offer much support as I am deep in the trenches, but i can tell you that I know she is with me, as so, your mother is with you. I talk to her too, as another conversation between the two of us, just as before. And I lean on those closest to me for love and support, my husband, and my siblings, and family. My father and mother were married for 30 years this past july, please keep him in prayer if you can, anyone, he's heartbroken. My mother loved flowers. We built her a garden room in their backyard with tons of flowers, some given to us at the funeral, her favorite plants, hanging birds, chimes, ect. It is our place to go to and think of her and it really helps. We still are not through, but for now, we still have our alone time with her and it's comforting. I have put my heavy heart in God's hands, he's been my strength. I find peace knowing that i will see her again. My mother passed away at the age of 51, way too soon but God has a purpose for everyone. I read this somewhere that too has given me strength and I hope it does the same for you. 'We are all here, because God is working on us. When he is done working on you, it's Heaven for you baby!' ----God Bless you during this difficult time, all of you.

Here is a link that might be useful: For Our Mother

    Bookmark   March 3, 2011 at 4:54PM
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My Mom was 90 & passed away 3 weeks ago. I get sick of people saying, she had a good life. Just because she was 90 doesn't mean it doesn't hurt just as much. I miss her so much, want to be able to talk & laugh with her & kiss her face. I have a heavy heart & pray that God will lighten my burden, knowing she was a Christain & is in Heaven helps but the sadness can be overwhelming at times.

    Bookmark   March 23, 2011 at 11:32AM
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my mom just passed away march 24.. i felt it was the end of my life. i just cry and cry.. i read books on eternal life and heaven and it help me for a while but im back again to depression..i dont know what to do.. i need help from people like you..pleae help me..somethimes i thought of taking my life away and this will end the misery.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2011 at 10:59PM
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Just wanted to say that your words echoe all my sentiments.My mother passed away Sept 26th 2010,aged 53.Suddenly,without warning,my clever funny,and seemingly healthy mum had a massive cerebral hemmorrage and died.She was my closest friend-I count myself so very honoured and lucky to have had such a close bond-but it is that bond that has been tragically severed that makes the world still turning,and the fact that other people are living and being happy almost too much to bear sometimes!!My thoughts are with you.I know that I will always miss her,and never forget her-but I hope we are all able to at least come to terms with our losses.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2011 at 5:30PM
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Just want to express my condolences and sympathies to all who have lost their mothers. I, too, lost my loving and caring mom on March 30, 2011 at 0136am. It happened so suddenly, that I was just shocked and unprepared. She was only 56 and I am 35. I never had children,nor married. I feel so lost without her, we were a team and our bond was solid. I was her caregiver and felt guilty at times for many things I could not do to help make her life easier. I long for her and want to be with her, but I know that is not what she would want for me. My mom and I shared the same bed because we were comfortable sleeping together, the night she passed she asked if she could face me and I said yes. She had thanked me earlier, by simply saying Thank you Nia. I was like Momma it is not a problem, it is my pleasure to care for you. My mom passed away in her sleep and I have felt nothing but sadness and depression. Although she had many complications from diabetes, she was strong. I did not forsee her death this soon. I am so sad, this Mother's Day will be really hard. I pray for strength. I can't wait until the day when I will see her again. I still cannot believe she is gone. I thank God for the 35yrs he gave me to be with her, but I miss her so much. The pain is unbearable at times. I pray for all of you and your strength, because its hard. I ask for prayers too, God bless You...

    Bookmark   May 7, 2011 at 2:36PM
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Hi Everyone,

On May 9, 2011, my mother passed away at the age of 56 years old. She courageously battled pancreatic cancer for 8 months. I miss her so much. We were good friends. She was always there for me through the good and bad times. Her death left a big hole in my heart, and I am so deeply saddened every day. I wish she was still here. I cannot believe that she is gone. Nia, like you, the pain is unbearable and uncontrollable at times. I wish I did not have to lose her so soon. She was a very special person. She raised her four daughters on her own after my dad passed away 17 years ago. Yet, she always had a positive attitude, and smiled. Every summer, we would plan a family trip together. That was something she always looked forward to. After her diagnosis of the cancer, her quality of life diminished. She lost a lot of weight, and could not eat. She became depressed, yet she stayed strong, and tried her best to battle the disease. The doctors gave up way before she did. I always think to myself, "Why? Why did my mom have to suffer and die so soon?" I wish she could be around to see me have children because she would be such a great grandmother. I just miss her dearly.............

    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 1:44AM
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hi everyone,
my beautiful mum passed away last august & i am still crying. life has resumed as before & i feel like a 47yo orphan functioning on autopilot. I still miss her so much.i found this poem that i would like to share, perhaps it will comfort someone.
"If Roses grow in Heaven,
pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mum's arms
& tell her they're from me.
Tell her that I miss her,
& as she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
& hold her for awhile.
Remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
But now there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away".
I was lucky to have had her for so long, but i would give anything to talk with her again.Nice to know i'm not alone.So i will patiently wait for the sun to shine in my heart again....

    Bookmark   June 1, 2011 at 7:01AM
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I am sorry to hear of everyones lose. I lost my mother 16 years ago and still miss her so much, it never goes away. Just the other day I felt like I had to tell her something and was almost ready to pick up the phone. I lost a grandson in a auto accident 8 years ago and a daughter 7 years ago.
And losing my daughter was the worst because I think she tried it, and that haunts me to this day. My uncle just was layed to rest today, he was 86 and I am at peace with that
as because he was ready to go to be with God and his wife who passed in 2009. He was my last uncle and I loved him so much. It never ends it seems for me.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2011 at 11:57PM
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I started to read these posts and they were dated 2007. I kept reading and reading. As you all have lost your mother, the same as I have. My mom passed unexpectedly on June 28, 2011. She would have been 78 today.

She was everything to her family. I've been crying all day today and I don't think there is any other way to be but just sad, especially today. So I am going to give myself a break and just let the tears come.

I agree with all you...that she was a best friend, always kind, always generous and giving. The FIRST person you want to tell when something good or bad happened. And I am a Catholic, I try to believe that she is Heaven and in good company. That's the only thing that keeps me going.

Really, a hug to all you and thank you for posting about your special Moms.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2011 at 3:32PM
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My mom had the pleasure of bringing me into this world 47 years ago , and on Aug 12 2003 i was pleased to help her go with god . this is a woman whom was widowed at 32 , Dad past when i was 7, she raised 5 kids alone, two jobs all the time, put herself thru collage and was the best correctional officer then back to collage and she got her bachelors Degree and became program director and work release director. my mom raised 5 good kid all well behaved and kind.
she was my mentor and my hero ,and most of all my breath, loosing her took a part of me w/ her and i cant get back to me. i am lost and confused on how to live again, she was my everything i learned to drive and hunt and change a tire. she taught me it is ok to make a mistake ,it will work it self out in time and we are just human , so learn to forgive but never forget, i want to sleep, i want a peaseful day , I need her to hold me and let me know its ok to let her go. God received the best angel he could have asked for my" MOM."
its been 8 years and still no relief and the pain is the same .

    Bookmark   October 1, 2011 at 7:54PM
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I lost my mom on 4/2/12 - just a couple of weeks ago. We were best friends and soul mates. The pain is so deep. My brother and I were by her side when she died from a brief illness - I can't get the image out of my head. I hope in time I will embrace all our beautiful memories, but right now I feel traumatized. It helps me to see I am not alone and I'm glad I found this forum.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2012 at 4:36PM
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I am glad I found this site, to see that others feel the same as I do. I lost my mother last week, she passed away Feb 27, 2013 at the age of 65. My mother was my soul mate, she was my best friend and recently she felt like a daughter. I miss the sparkle in her eyes. She had been ill for about 8 years, on and off, and each time she seemed to get better. She always had such a great attitude and sense of humor. I thought she would get better this time too. I was her caretaker, along with my father for the last 2 years. Before that I worked with her and saw her every day. I have seen her or talked to her every day of my life. I am only 30 years old and I always thought I would have her around for another 20. I still feel like a child, and without her I feel lost. I don't have children yet, and I know that when I do it will be bitter-sweet because she is not here. The pain I feel is very intense and I am exhausted, I have only begun grieving and I wonder when it will end (but I see now that it never will). I am not sure what to make of all these strange feelings. A week before she passed away, angels came to me and told me that she would feel better by the end of the following week. Even though my interpretation was wrong, they were right, she does feel better. Since her passing she has been talking to me and that is a huge comfort, she tells me she is happy and that she will always be by my side. She tells me she is excited to meet her grandchildren. She has been telling me not to wait to live my life anymore, to have fun. She also said to think of her transition as a long vacation, we will see each other again when my flight lands. My story is so similar to all the others I have read, so I am sure your mothers are by your sides helping and guiding you through your lives. Talk to your mothers because they hear you and the love they feel for you is pure.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 11:26PM
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