loss of husband

heartbroken64August 12, 2007

On July 25,2007, 10 days after his 64th birthday my husband died of kidney cancer. We just moved to my hometown to start a new life with him retiring. That was April 23rd of this year. We never got the chance to unpack when he was diagnosed after breaking his hip. It had already went to his lungs, shoulder and pelvis. Thank goodness he did not suffer. But after being numb for a couple weeks, I'm now crying constantly. I feel empty. The days are so long. I haven't found a job yet to help fill up the days. I wander around this small house like I'm not here. When does the crying stop, at least for a while? Why do I feel like I'm the only 53 year old who is widowed and suffering? Thanks for any support.

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Dear Heartbroken - please accept my deepest sympathy on the passing of your beloved husband. Believe me - you aren't alone to be in your early 50's, widowed and suffering. It just feels that way.

I still get weepy, but not every day any more. My wife passed in April so I am beginning to come to terms with being alone and raising my young sons by myself.

Everyone's experience is unique but all the things you describe - the numbness, the crying, the empty feeling, and bouncing around the house are unfortunately par for the course. All of that will pass but no one can say when.

I am starting to feel better but my loss was not sudden like yours. I had prepaired myself with the knowledge that I was going to lose my wife for years. Still, it hit me like a sledgehammer. It doesn't sound like you and your husband had any chance to get ready for what came.

For me, staying busy has helped. I do alot with my church and I get out of the house with friends as often as possible. I work at being happy - kind of the "fake it 'till you make it" thing. More and more often, I do have a good day and notice it's a nice, sunny day, or something like that. I have reengaged with our (my's wife's too) social network and reconnecting with long lost friends has helped me greatly.

Still, the best medicine is time. You will feel better at some point. And I pray you will find it shortly.

Best wishes, and again - I am so sorry to hear of your loss.


    Bookmark   August 12, 2007 at 6:25PM
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Dear Heartbroken, I send you my deepest sympathy on the passing of your beloved husband, I too want to tell you that you are not alone. I am 10 years older than you but I still feel too young to be left on my own. My dearest husband passed away 8 1/2 months ago and I am still crying, I was told that it hurts so much because of the great love we had for each other and I know that to be true. I ask the same question, when does the pain go away and when do I stop crying, I don't have an answer. Fortunately I am in a job I have had for 18 years, it has been my salvation. We were planning our retirement now I am planning to work as long as I can. If you can get a job, that will keep you occupied during the day and then you only have evenings to contend with, however, weekends are the worst. I pray for everyone on this forum and I will add you too. This forum has wonderful people who are hear to listen and sympathize, it has been great for me so keep posting. Look after youself and don't forget to eat, force yourself because you have to keep up your strength.
I'm sending you hugs. God Bless you.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2007 at 8:38PM
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dear heartbroken, i'd like to send you and your family my deepest sympathy. i am a 51 year old widow. my husband was bedridden for 10 years and suffered a massive stroke, i chose to have him taken off life support after 1 day. our son does not live at home he is 24 and is a manager at a national sporting goods store. he took Al's death very,very bad. so it's just our daughter going into her second year at the university here in town, she just turned 19, and the puppy Al gave me for my b day, and he passed away 3 weeks later. we have no grief support here, and i am so lost, people say i look good, but what are you supposed to look like. my daughter and i started renovatingand decorating the house, i even have my own table saw! tonite i started putting in wall to wall carpeting in the hall. you will find too that after awhile your friends will start calling you, and some people won't even talk to you anymore because they don't know what to say. the cemetery where Al is is near our home so i visit him everyday. people will be down right rude and say stupid stuff like how much insurance money did you get, can i have Al's (you fill in the blank) and then there are people who just ask for a loan. our daughter starts school on sept 10 and then i hope, will start quilting and knitting again. i know that my life just sucks right now!

you can feel fall in the air tonite!


    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 12:13AM
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Please let me add my deepest sympathy. The people whom you have just heard from are wonderful people - they have been consoling me since my dear husband died in April of this year. He had pancreatic cancer, a horrid killer, and I feel the loss every day.

I don't cry all day, every day, like I used to, but his death never leaves my mind. My husband has been gone 4 months, but it seems like just yesterday.

Take care of your health and know that we care about you.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 10:24PM
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