On July 19, 2004, my Brother passed away

stardusterAugust 22, 2004

His name was John. He was only 39 years old. I raised hime since he was 14.. I am 15 years older than he. I've cried over and over and can't believe he is gone. How does one get over the loss of someone so close? I stay to myself and everyone knows.. why I am upset..

he was as son to me.. yet he was a loving brother.. always cared about me and my health. I thought I would go first someday and he would live a long life and have children and the works.... my brother John died of a heart attack.. I'll just never get over losing him... I loved him so ...


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Star, I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult trying to find your way without your loving brother being here with you. He sounds like a very caring and loving person and the relationship you had with him will be with you always. We can never really understand why our loved ones are taken from us and the days and weeks that follow are full of grief and anguish. I hope the day will come when you will allow others to reach out to you instead of staying to yourself. If you can find a way to share your grief and let the sorrow out, it will help you maybe in some small way. We cannot shut the world out as much as we would like to. I am sure you must have experienced many emotions from shock, grief, anger only to be left with a numbing feeling. I am glad you came here. You are among friends in here and we want you to feel you can open up and share your feelings and emotions. I hope this forum will offer you comfort - its a good place to come.
Sending prayers and special thoughts for you.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2004 at 5:57PM
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Nell Jean

Oh, Star, how terrible for you! Life just doesn't turn out like we expected, sometimes. Your brother died a year and a day after my son who was killed in a motor vehicle accident. My son would have been 39 this year. You're right, we expected things to be very different, never anticipating how quickly someone can be gone.

In time, things will be different than they are now, but we will not 'get over' these losses, we'll just keep going and hold them precious in our hearts. There are many of us here who have lost a child and/or a brother and though we don't know 'just how you feel' we do know how keenly such a loss cuts into your very being.

We'd like to hear about your brother -- about him as a person, if you'd like to tell us about him -- it sounds as if you were very close and that now you've withdrawn from those around you, because of the pain you're feeling. I'm glad you found this forum and I hope you'll find some comfort.


Here is a link that might be useful: Memorial to Gary

    Bookmark   August 22, 2004 at 6:11PM
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Star, I'm so very sorry. Gosh, having raised your little brother and now having him gone from your life, must be so hard. As you said, he was like your son.
I can understand you wanting to shut yourself out from others. That is a very common response to loss. Even after 6 years of having lost my daughter, there are many times that I don't want to be around people. I think part of it is because when we are grieving so deeply, the happiness and seeminly carefree attitude of others is irritating.
We are so wrapped up in our own pain and our world has stopped and we see others going along in their usual, merry, way and it doesn't seem right. So, we just stay to ourselves and wallow in our grief all alone. Does that make any sense?
As time goes on though, you will feel like sharing in others' happy times. It may take quite some time. That's okay. That's one thing about grief... there is no timeline at all. Each person has their own way to grieve and their own timeline for coming out of the cave so to speak.
You know that you have us for now or as long as you may need us. We all know grief and some of us are further along than others. We can all offer our own special help to you.
Please tell us all about John. We truly want to know him.
Bless you!

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   August 23, 2004 at 8:27AM
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star i am so sorry for what you are going thru....you and your brother sounded like best friends..just like my daughter i lost and my son were.....he is so devastated and it has been almost 3 years ....it has been so little time for you ...allow yourself time to grieve..we are here for you and sharing your feelings will help more than you will ever know....

    Bookmark   August 23, 2004 at 8:40PM
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I am also so sorry for the passing of your brother. It really hits a person like nothing else. There are really no words anyone can say to make it better because life as you knew it has changed. But I can tell you this, life will go on and you will in time be able to deal with the passing by keeping him alive in your heart and memories. No one can take that from you.

I lost my Mom and Dad in less than 8 months with my Dad just passing in Feb, 2004. I miss them both so very much and not many hours goes by I don't think of them in some way. There is no cure for love lost, but what they leave behind is their gift to us.

Time will heal the pain if you let it. Try not to hold it in just work with it. If you can talk to people about your brother. You came here didn't you..) You will be just fine in time.



    Bookmark   August 23, 2004 at 9:02PM
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Thank you all for your kind words and help to get through this time of grief. It's so hard to take advice, but so easy to give. I am praying that I can say his name some day without crying.. and have a smile every time I think or speak his name.. I just feel so lost sometiems.. just so lost... Thank you all.. your words are so kind..

    Bookmark   August 26, 2004 at 10:35PM
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I'm sorry for your loss. You had a very special relationship with your brother and I can imagine that your pain is doubly felt. The first days and weeks are certainly the worst, but it does get better. I think you need to open up a little to your family and friends. I know it's tough, you just want to hide from the pain, but soon you will see others moving on with normal life and you will still be feeling the grief. Get as much of it out as you can now. Talk, reminisce, laugh and cry with others who can share you loss now, because it will be more difficult and awkward to do it later.

One of the things I did after Dad died was start a list of all the positive things that happened in the days after he passed. I made note of every little thing I could think of, every random act of kindness, condolensces from strangers, every reunion with family and friends that I hadn't seen in years, even things like the competance and compassion of the funeral director and the preacher at the funeral. I did this because I wanted something positive to grasp onto, to prevent being overwhelmed by the darkness of those days. As I was recording these events and moments, I was amazed at just how much that was good could be found in what was the worst experience of my life. I know that it helped me. Maybe give it a try, before those memories fade or are swallowed up in your grief.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2004 at 9:37AM
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That is a wonderful idea, Bill. I think it would be nice to add the list to the book of memories and friends to later look back on.. because, like you have just said.. how easily some of those things will get forgotten and I will have it to look at once again...

Thank you for the idea....

    Bookmark   August 27, 2004 at 11:00AM
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Just thinking about you. I have about a month on you in terms of how long it's been since my baby brother was yanked out of my life, and I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I can see positiviy threaded through the outcomes of the tragedy, just how much he changed people's lives, how even the absence of him can set fates in a new direction. I miss my brother terribly and I know a little of what you must be feeling. (((hugs)))

Here is a link that might be useful: Pics of my deceased brothers

    Bookmark   August 28, 2004 at 9:05PM
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Hi CariJo:

You said..

"positivity threaded through the outcomes of the tragedy"

I believe I will too. I see you have lost 2 brothers.. how you must hurt. My prayers are with you. I took the oppotunity earlier this week to look at your pictures posted on another thread. They were hansome brothers. I can know the pain of losing one. And it is so bad. So bad that you want to scream and be fighting mad... and cry forever... I'm looking now for what I can to make myself see what good things I have learned or found or positive things that may filter through the clouds and tears. My eyes are sore from crying and my heart aches still. He was special. At the services I think that we had so many people attend that it over filled 2 rooms.. He had so many people that loved him.. I can only just now begin to write the things I remember and wish to keep stored in my heart of all the love that came and poured forth that day. There were so many broken hearts that day. Not just visitors.. but, broken hearts. He was loved..

I have one brother and one sister left.... maybe this will bring us closer together.. Not to mention some of his friends..

Thank you Carijo, for sharing with me your brothers.. and your love for them.. I know you miss them very much.


    Bookmark   August 28, 2004 at 11:33PM
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Star, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your brother. It must feel like losing a child of your own since you raise him since he was young.
I feel the same way sometimes when I just dont want anyone around. Even my husband at times. I know it frustrates him too when I get that way but I can't help it.
Lulie describes it perfectly.
What I have done in the past 2 and a half months is write everything down I'm feeling. Or any experience I have where I know Bryce is with me. I even write him letters just to tell him I love him and miss him. Writing has helped me alot. Gives me a chance just to express myself to myself and Bryce.
I'll be praying for you to gain strength through this difficult time.

    Bookmark   August 28, 2004 at 11:55PM
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BrycesMommy, I can see where healing would start with writing things down.. but, as I write I cry and sob... so hard. It seems to make me feel worse. Does this occur with you or anyone else? Oh, it's just so hard for me to write.. I pour so much out onto the pages of the paper... that end up covered with tears as well...

This is going to be hard to do. The Tears and Sobs keep getting into my way.


    Bookmark   August 29, 2004 at 1:03AM
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You are right, lots of tears come with expressing yourself. But it still works for me. If I'm having a bad day then i can go back and read the good things I experienced. I just always have alot of tissues with me.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2004 at 7:53AM
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