How to deal with this
I am not a stranger to grief, although I have been very lucky in my life, 11 years ago when I was 17 my first love was killed in a car accident at age 20. My grandmother passed away a year later, my grandfather committed suicide four years after that, another dear friend lost his battle with cystic fibrosis the year after. Plus various great aunts and uncles have passed away in this time. Last April my grandpa died after spending five months in the hospital with heart failure. That left only my grandma who had alzheimers. My dad's sister lived with her for the last six years to take care of both of her parents. My dad rarely visited my grandma (his mother) after she was in the late stages of Alzheimers. Her other daughter who lives in Florida spent the last 3 months taking care of my grandma along with my other aunt. My dad visited twice I do believe. He just couldn't handle seeing my grandma when she didn't know who he was. They never even told my grandma that my grandfather had passed away. She still had some good days though and the last time I saw her she smiled at me when she saw me. I saw her the day before she died. She just passed away two weeks ago. The funeral was beautiful and sad and the following family gatherings were filled with laughter and tears remembering my grandparents.
Now for the hard part- in their will they stated that everything is to be sold- except what each of their children wish to keep for sentimental value- and the proceeds to be divided among the three siblings. It was found that one of my aunts- the oldest sibling- had been moving money out of my grandma's account into her own private account. My dad is livid about this and contacted a lawyer and even had the state police visit my aunt two days after the funeral to threaten her with civil action if the money isnt' returned. My grandparents were good at saving money and my grandma was able to have in home care 24 hours a day (paid for with their own money) and was only in the hospital for 2 weeks before she passed away. Their is still a lot of money left over over $150,000 in cash, plus some stocks and two houses that must be sold. Each of the siblings are not rich but none is in financial trouble. All are college educated- my dad is an engineer, my aunt is a teacher, and my other aunt is a school superintentdent. However my dad has decided to go after my aunt for taking $15,000 out of my grandma's account while she was still alive. She did put the money back after he had the police visit her but he is not done with her. He wants vengenance and is having the accounts audited and holding up the estate and says he will stop at nothing until he finds every last cent my aunt may have taken or used inappropriately. My aunt that lived with my grandma (and is still living at her house) has taken the side of my other aunt and both are not speaking to my dad. My dad is tryign to get my sister and I on his side, he constantly says bad things about my aunts and tries to get me to spy on them (I live about a half hour away while he lives 2 hours away) I dont' want to take sides. I can't believe my aunt would do this and I dont' even care what her reason was. she put the money back so in my eyes its over. I want my dad to let it go but he is obssesesd by this. He doesn't care what happens to his sisters. He was never like this before. They normally all got along. So on top of grieving for my grandma who I was very close to and it feels like this is the 2nd time I've lost her because of hte Alzheimers I have to watch my family being ripped apart over this battle over money and it is sickening. My grandparents would have never wanted any of this to happen. Also it is like all three siblings want to wipe all traces that my grandparents ever existed off hte face of the earth. THe will stated that the four grandchildren would receive specific sentimental items and my dad says too bad they are selling every thing. It is not that I care about the material things my grandparents owned but I would like to have something to remember them by. I dont' want to get into the middle of a family feud and I am trying not to take sides. I want to be able to talk to my dad and my aunts because now my aunts are the only family besides my parents that I have left except for my mom's sister. I want to be supportive to both my dad and my aunts but I feel caught in the middle and I just wish I could make them stop behaving this way.