My brother, Bob, died suddenly on May 12, 2006. It turns out he had a genetic problem with his heart. It was shocking. We all thought he was in excellent health. He was 36 years old. The pain was almost unbearable. I don't know how I survived that first awful week.
I had always assumed that I would lose my parents and my husband's parents first. My whole world was turned upsidedown. How does a young healthy guy fall asleep one night and not wake up? Did he have a choice? Did he get a glimpse of heaven and get to choose? Why wouldn't he stay here on earth? I spent many hours crying in my mother-in-law's arms. She told me that every death I face will get a little easier.
My mother-in-law died 6 weeks ago. I was close to her and I miss her, but I don't really feel sad. I don't even feel guilty for not feeling sad. It's like I spent all my emotions on Bob, and now I don't have any sadness left for anyone else. Two days before Florence died, she told me that she lived a good life, but her time had come, and she was
ready to go. She had been sick (and rather grumpy) for years and I hadn't seen her that happy for a long time. She absolutely glowed when she told me that it was time for her to go.
Since Florence died, I feel a little bit better about Bob. Almost like order has been restored. People are dying in the right order (old and sick first).
I must sound stark raving mad.